Post # 1
My best friend is one of the most amazing people I know/have in my life. Her birthday was Wednesday (9/11), the same day she found out she was having a girl. Everyone was so excited for her and I knew she would be a great mother. She was 12 weeks pregnant. Tragically, yesterday, she woke up bleeding. Her boyfriend took her to the doctor because she knew something was terribly wrong. There was no heartbeat. They said baby Olive had stopped growing at 9 weeks. The doctor told my friend that the baby wasn’t compatible and that’s why she miscarried. The same day she went into the hospital for outpatient surgery and they removed the baby. I’m incredibly upset and deeply pained for my friend and her loss. I love my best friend and I already loved Olive. The situation is even more difficult because as my friend and I both know, tomorrow at dinner with a bunch of friends my boyfriend is going to propose. He has no idea I know. Immediately after finding out about the loss of Olive I told my friend that I didn’t want to go to dinner tomorrow because I couldn’t enjoy it after something so awful happening to her. She said that she still wants to go to the dinner to do “normal people things”. I kind of feel like she might need a break/ distraction from the pain but I know I would feel guilty being happy. I want to be engaged to the man I love but at the same time I don’t want to minimise the situation she is going through. I really don’t know what to do. I’m so torn. Should I go to the proposal dinner I’ve been looking forward to for so long? Also, if anyone has any general advice on how else I can be there for my best friend through this painful time, I would greatly appreciate it.
Post # 3
@DreamOfCoheed: I’m so sorry for your friend 🙁 that’s really tragic news.
If the situation was hypothetically reversed, and she was saying that she didn’t want to go to her own proposal dinner – what would you say? I am sure she is genuine in saying that she wants to do normal things, and I’m certain she wouldn’t want you to miss out on your proposal dinner. She’s your friend and she wants you to be happy. If she had said that she was so down and couldn’t bear leaving the house, that would be completely different. If she’s up to going, you should be too.
Post # 4
Having had a miscarriage at 16 weeks i can tell you she will really appreciate the distraction.there is nothing worse than wallowing in the oain of a situation you can not change.
also she might feel like two happinesses have been taken away if you avoid getting engaged because of her miscarriage.
Post # 5
Go, take her, try to have a normal fun night out with friends. Let her enjoy a night where everyone is focusing on your happiness and not her pain. It’ll be helpful for her.
Post # 6
@DreamOfCoheed: I’m sure that she would enjoy the distraction, rather than sitting at home, looking at baby clothes that she already purchased, etc. You are her best friend, she wants you to be happy. Go ahead and be happy, and still support her when she has those days where she is grief stricken.
Post # 7
@DreamOfCoheed: I had a miscarraige myself on my 22nd bday. It was so early i didnt even know i was pregnant until i was at the hospital. They told me it was going to be twins too. Its a horrible thing to go through. I feel to sorry for your friend and its a great thing she has a good friend like you to get her through this hard time. But for now Im sure she would enjoy the distraction. When i went through it none of our families even knew we were sexually active and they would have killed us if they knew so i couldnt even tell anyone but my guy. He did what he could to help me through it and distract me and it di help a lot. Yes she is your best friend but im sure she wouldnt want you to pt your life on hold just for her. and if anything it will just make her feel worse that you are probably.
Post # 8
You should absolutely go to your proposal dinner!! (I’ve had a miscarriage)
Post # 9
Go and have fun. Life does and has to go on. Happy occasions don’t minimize her loss or pain. I’d hate for a friend to be sad during her proposal over my situation. She wants you to go and be happy! Im sure she will welcome the distraction
Post # 10
Go to dinner with your man and get engaged. Don’t expect anyone else to be there during this time. Have your BF make this dinner just about you two and others will celebrate with you in the future!
Post # 11
@DreamOfCoheed: I am so sorry, but go and be happy. Will it hurt for her, yes. But i would hate for my best friend not to continue with her live because of an event we both had no control over. She will be happy for you, and more importantly, you should be happy for you! Being happy in no way takes away from you being a supportive friend.
Post # 12
@DreamOfCoheed: I think it is so amazing that she has a friend who loves her as much as you do, you would be willing to put aside your happiness to make her comfortable and that’s beautiful. She probably feels the same way for you and that’s why she wants to be there and be happy for you. Go, get engaged, have fun, and most of all cherish this awesome friendship.
Post # 13
Thank you all for your kind words and advice. I did go to dinner with my family and friends. I’m happy to announce that I’m engaged. Unfortunately, my best friend decided not to go. I respect her decision. She knows what she can/can’t handle right now. I’m worried though because she seems to be distancing herself from me. I texted her today to find out how she is doing. She said she’s “fine” and I didn’t want to push the subject. I told her that I want to be there for her but if it becomes too much that she can tell me to back off. No reply. 🙁 I guess I’ll take that as a “back off”. I think I’ll let her be for a few days so she can collect her thoughts before I reach out to her again.
Post # 15
Congratulations! What a beautiful ring!
From my own very recent experience miscarrying three weeks ago, I would say that it is so kind of you to keep in touch with your friend. I think she will appreciate if you touch base with her again in a few days but also give her a little space in the mean time just like you said. There have been times when I’ve really needed space especially from friends, which I don’t mean as an insult in any way. She may just need some time to deal with her grief before she is able to celebrate your exciting, happy news.
Post # 16
@DreamOfCoheed: I am glad you went, I would have said to go and let your friend see someone happy. Cause sometimes when your down seeing people you love happy helps you out of the low places.
As for your friend give her space, she might just be sad and not want to impact you and bring you down, likely why she ended up realizing she could not go. Also prob why she isnt talkative she just dosn’t want to bring you down i would go bring her flowers or something