Post # 1
I will make this short and simple. My best friend since 5th grade is not coming to my wedding in Cabo. I feel very hurt and disappointed. I kept telling myself that of course not everyone I want is going to be able to make the trip but I am shocked that she is not going to try and make an effort to go. She didn’t even say “we’ll see” or “I’m going to try” it was just a No I’m not going. I am hurt by this because I feel like I have always always been there for her (I was in her wedding 5 years ago and even drove 3.5 hours away to visit her in the hospital for her first baby). There is absolutely NO way in hell I would ever not go to her wedding, no matter what the circumstance. I feel a little let down or that our friendship doesn’t mean that much to her.
Now, in her defense…my wedding is in April, at that point she will have a 7 month old baby (her 2nd baby, first baby will be 3.5). I believe this is the main reason. It is not finances she has told me that before. She is quitting her job in January to be a stay at home mom though. Maybe it’s because I don’t have children and am not understanding but she has both sets of grandparents and a husband who could take care of the children while she is away for the 4 days.
If the tables were turned I would do anything to make arrangements to be at her wedding…am I right or wrong here?
Post # 3
@Lily_of_the_valley: Your hurt is completely valid; however, that is the risk you take with a destination wedding. When you have children, your priorities change. While it is disappointing and hurtful that she isn’t even trying, you do have to see her side as well. Cabo isn’t a hop, skip and a jump down the street and while she claims finances are not an issue, you never really know what is going on behind closed doors.
I’m truly sorry she will not be there. Maybe there’s another way you two can celebrate together like a girls’ day at the spa or a weekend trip somewhere closer? At any rate, congrats on your upcoming nuptials! 🙂
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
You can’t be mad about people not being able to attend a DW. End of story.
Post # 5
@Lily_of_the_valley: That sucks,but as Mrsyokiman said, that is the risk you take with DW’s. I will be doing one as well, and I know a lot of people won’t be able to come, especially my friends with babies. On the flip side, she could be irritated with you for having a DW knowing she would have a baby. Maybe that’s why she isn’t being coy about not going. Regardless, it’s your day and you have to do what makes you happy. 🙂
Post # 6
You can’t change the fact that your feelings are hurt, but you’ve got no real basis for getting them hurt or holding a grudge. Your friend and her partner will be raising two small kids on a single paycheck and you can’t expect them to pony up the airfare for all four (plus hotel meals etxc) nor can you expect her to make the trip ald leave the kids behind when she is the primary caregiver. It’s just how things work out when you have a destination wedding. Accept her No gracefully and move on.
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
I would be hurt. I get that priorities change and all that, DW wedding, all that. But I would still be hurt. You can’t help feeling what you feel, but you can do your best not to let it change your friendship. That’s all you can do.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016
It’s too bad that she can’t come, but I do think you’re overreacting a bit. I don’t think I would ever go to someone’s destination wedding unless they were close family. That’s just not something I would want to spend my money on – especially if I had a new baby.
Sorry you’re dealing with this, but I really don’t think you should stay mad about it. A destination wedding is a privilege and a luxury and I don’t think you can be mad at your friend (or other people) for not attending. I know you would do anything to attend her wedding, but not everyone feels that way or can afford to feel that way.
Post # 9
Honestly with small kids, I totally understand why she can’t make it. I’m getting married 2.5 hours away and asked my friend before booking if it was doable…she said yes, but if she didn’t, I might have decided to stay close to home as she will have two small children too.
Post # 10
I know how you’re feeling, as another destination wedding bride. I would be pretty gutted if my best friend couldn’t come. She also has a baby, who will be one and a half by the time of the wedding…I’m not sure if she’s planning to bring her or leave her with the grandparents. But yes, I’d imagine with a seven month old, it’s probably harder.
I’m not sure it’s one of those things you can really continue to harbour resentment for though…it is what it is. People are juggling conflicting priorities, and I think if your friendship has been a sincere and strong one so far, I would just swallow the disappointment and give her the benefit of the doubt.
Coming from the other side, I also know how it feels to not be able to attend a DW. A good friend of mine got married just last month overseas. In between work commitments and trying to save up my leave for our own wedding in six months, FI and I just couldn’t do it. That friend is now not talking to me. I understand her disappointment but I also don’t feel like it’s fair to end a friendship over it.
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I would understand where she’s coming from but also be really really bummed, as you are. That’s totally valid. Even though “not everyone can come” etc – you would still hope that your nearest and dearest could make it happen. I’m sorry 🙁
Post # 12
@Lily_of_the_valley: I agree that your hurt is completely valid – I dont know how i would deal with that. 🙁
But with a 7 month old child….that is really young to travel and too young to leave behind as the child is probably still breast feeding.
It’s just a sucky situation. 🙁
Post # 13
If there are key people you cannot imagine getting married without, you should run plans by them before deciding on your wedding plans. Otherwise, you (general you) should not be upset when someone can’t attend a DW.
Post # 14
@Future_Mrs_Dr_I: she is most definitely irritated about me having a DW and has stated several times that she wishes I would change my mind. I think there’s some stubborness in there too but at the end of the day I would hope that she would just want me to have the wedding that I’ve always wanted
Post # 15
@Lily_of_the_valley: I would be sad as well. having an infant isn’t easy and if I wouldn’t have left my son behind with someone else at 7 months (still breastfeeding a ton etc) so i understand if that’s her reason. Weird that she wouldn’t have said that was her reason though? I’m sorry she won’t be there- I hope you still have a fabulous wedding and focus in all the wonderful ppl who will be attending:)
Post # 16
having gone to tons of destination weddings..they’re EXPENSIVE! My husband and I had to spend 2 grand alone for plane tickets to costa rica, let alone hotel and food.
I can’t imagine a plane ticket to Cabo being cheap. Realistically, even if there are two sets of grandparents your friend has to look after her baby. Perhaps she has to breastfeed, and a 7 month year baby needs ton of attention.
Spending a ton of money to go to Cabo would also suck, especially if maybe her husband can’t come. There are so many other ways that money could be put to work.
You can’t be mad at this outcome if you chose a destination wedding..period.