Best Friend Since Kindergarten Set Her Wedding Date the Day Before Mine

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What should I do??
    Plan your own wedding. Forget hers. : (106 votes)
    38 %
    Plan her wedding first, then yours. She's right, her day is first, so it takes priority. : (0 votes)
    Move your date. Don't be so selfish. : (3 votes)
    1 %
    Just try to make it work somehow. You're blowing this out of proportion. : (19 votes)
    7 %
    Plan your wedding first. It should be your priority, not hers. : (153 votes)
    54 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    206 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    alpinebride:  Thats really sad because you guys are in each other’s wedding. I dont think you are selfish  but if you guys are close, maybe you can talk about it? That way you can each enjoy the others wedding with one person not tired from the day before or tying to sort out honeymoon plans so they dont clash etc. You guys will be able to come to a compromise on who can change their dates etc… 

    Post # 3
    Member
    5008 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    alpinebride:  That is absolutely ridiculous. I totally understand the whole “you get one day” thing but UM…NO. Have you spoken to her about this at all? Does she see no issue with this?

    Immediate concerns I would have is… when will you do your rehearsal? Youll be at her wedding the night before. When will you do last minute things for YOUR wedding? Youll be at hers the night before / getting ready all day I would assume. I would absolutely not want this pressure before my wedding. 

    I think she should change her date, or you should decline being her MOH and just attend as a guest. That way you can do your last minute things in the morning before her wedding, attend and then honestly, I’d go home early/not drink a thing. I am wondering if you told her all this, she would consider moving her date. 

    This is so inconsiderate. I would reconsider my friendship, honestly.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2891 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    alpinebride: it’s not a big deal. Do what you’re comfortable doing and be supportive but you both have plenty of time. 

    you can plan together even if it’s different tastes. I’m doing that with a friend and it’s working out beautifully and is stress free for me because I can get perspective without it being personal.

    eta: ps don’t move your date. You set your date first and have already started planning around it. Just because she’s your best friend doesn’t mean you have to accomodate her date, especially since she doesn’t seem willing to consider yours. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    1028 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    alpinebride:  I’m a bit confused. Her response to you asking her why she chose THE DAY BEFORE your wedding date which I’m assuming she knew about is “I dont know”? Sorry but I smell complete and utter bullshit and I feel it is ridiculously inconsiderate of her to have done this and you need to have a serious heart-to-heart with her. I mean why would your “best friend” choose a wedding date the day before yours? What kind of friend does that? 

    In either event, to answer your original question no I dont think you should move your wedding especially since the save-the-dates have already been ordered and if that means you both have to separately plan your weddings and maybe be a bridesmaid and not MOH then so be it. Her wedding doesnt take precedence over yours and she made the choice to make the situation more difficult. 

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    588 posts
    Busy bee

    alpinebride:  I’d discuss with her about moving her date, but if you’ve both already spent money, then you’re sort of in a jam.

    I’ve had my wedding, and been a MOH twice, and honestly, there isn’t a huge amount of planning/work for a typical MOH in a typical wedding.  Your dates are in fall 2015, you both have *plenty* of time to plan all you need to. The wedding is for you, your FI, and your families – the MOH shouldn’t really be planning with you, she should just be there for advice if you need it (as in, you and she aren’t going to be picking out venues and flowers and linens and menus together – you and FI will be). MOHs typically come to watch you try on wedding dresses (you guys might try them on together, if you’re comfortable with that), look at BM dresses (again, you can combine that), and then throw you a shower & bachelorette (if that’s what your culture does). That’s eeeeasy to fit into a year and a half.

    The only issue is a rehersal dinner, if you’re planning one (they’re honestly not that important to have, but if you want one). You’ll have to agree with her sooner than later to have your rehersal the day before her wedding and then hers the day before that, ie. each of you will have your rehersal 2 days before your own wedding.

    Also discuss her honeymoon timing with her – some couples like to leave right after the wedding, and obviously that won’t work with your wedding scheduled the next day. If she wants to go right after her wedding, maybe she’ll be willing to move the date.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1029 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2015

    alpinebride:  I’m reading this post and thinking WTF was your friend thinking!  I would have a serious talk with her and sort this out. I mean, if she wants to beat you to the alter she needs to give herself time to have her wedding before yours, do her honeymoon and  be back…well rested…in time to support you as your MOH! If she isnt willing to change her date you might need a new MOH that isnt trying to beat you to the alter and just attend her wedding as a guest. In the meantime,  if I were you, I would really question what type of friend does this…!!!!!

    Post # 9
    Member
    1878 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN

    alpinebride:  I would suggest you talk to her about switching her date. She could do it the week before or after. is she not considering set up time and how much goes into that THE WEEK of the wedding. You both will be too busy that week to focus on the other’s wedding.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1028 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    SoNLoveWithHim:  I completely agree with your statement. I dont think your “friend” really understand the details and planning that go into a wedding and I still take issue with her doing it the day BEFORE you. Just seesms off and like its a race…

    Post # 11
    Member
    8018 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Some best friend! And she still intends to be your MOH the day after her own wedding? and you have to party at a wedding the night before yours? Sorry, thats not going to work. If she doesn’t change her date then she’s lucky if you can even show to ceremony and you should tell her that. Don’t demand anything- just state it as a fact: you thought about it and you’re really bummed because if she keeps the date you won’t be able to be her MOH or go to her reception and you were really excited to be a devoted BM and celebrate her wedding with out having to worry about yours (the next day!) but you love her always and you want her to do what she wants for her big day. (I bet she changes the date) 

    alpinebride:  

    Post # 12
    Member
    8018 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    And wtf is with “my day is first it should be the priority”?? Is she insane? Is she a teenager? Her wedding is HOURS before yours- logistics wise they’re at the same damn time! 

    Post # 13
    Member
    3222 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    Really really weird situation. You may as well have a joint wedding on the same day.

    Sure, you have plenty of time to plan, but who wants their rehearsal dinner to be someone else’s wedding? And she’ll probably be so wiped out after her own reception that I doubt she’d want to do it again the next day.

    Doesn’t she want a next day brunch with family and close friends? Or to veg out in bed with her new husband the day after getting married?

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    1029 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2015

     

    CocoClassic:  This is the sort of crapp that makes a bee go bridezilla! She knew what she was doing!!!! I beat there were signs well before now!

    Post # 15
    Member
    357 posts
    Helper bee

    alpinebride:  i’ll be honest, that’s a pretty shitty move on her part, whatever her reasons are.

    As for you, my honest opinion will be to tell you to keep your date, suck it up and do most of the work yourself, limit her role or input, don’t tell her much about your wedding and just expect her to show up.

    Also at some point you may have to tell her you can’t make it to her wedding because the day of her wedding is also the day of your rehearsal that you can’t miss.

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