Post # 1
My best friend is getting married this Saturday and I am the maid of honor (there is also a matron of honor). I am the high school best friend and we have stayed very close over the past 13 years, but we are very different. I am a simple tomboy and she (and all the other bridesmaids) are very stylish and put together (I got made fun of for not painting my nails for the bridal shower).
My boyfriend’s birthday is the same day as the wedding. They have only met once (I do not live in the area and will be making the drive in), but they definitely get along and like each other.
The problem is that my boyfriend HATES formal weddings. He hates dressing up, dancing, using proper forks, etc. We are farmers-not formal people 🙂 In addition he is currently completing the process of divorcing his first wife…so every wedding we have attended has been kinda..well..weird (for me at least).
He told me that he is going to go for me because he loves me and thats what couples do for each other even though I have told him many times that he does not have to ruin his birthday by coming. Obviously as the Maid/Matron of Honor I will be at the head table. He does not know anyone who will be at the wedding except for me. My friend put him at a table with the other MOH’s husband who grew up on a farm, but that is as close to someone “like us” that it gets at the wedding.
He is also going to be missing one of his best friend’s big annual party because of this. He going to try to get to the party for about 30 mins-1 hr then drive up for the reception and then we will stay at my parents house after.
My question to you ladies is: what should I do about the reception? As the Maid/Matron of Honor am I required to stay until the bitter end? Her family owns the hall so the reception could potentially go on until 12 or 1 am.
The reception will consist of my bf and I sitting at a table drinking while watching everyone else dance. Usually when we go to weddings we will stick around for about 30-45 minutes of music, maybe dance a slow dance then skidaddle. Obviously this is not going to be the case since I am the Maid/Matron of Honor…but how long do I “have” to stay?
The music starts at 8…is 10 acceptable? I feel awful but I really just don’t know what to do! We are all in our early 30’s and “mature.” I know my best friend will be ok with whatever decision I make, and I know my boyfriend will sit in misery as long as I make him. I just want everyone to be happy!
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
After dinner you should be able to leave the head table and sit with your SO. He can take one night. Do something special for him and his birthday either the weekend before or after the wedding.
Post # 4
@Tatertot2003: I’d say the wedding wins. He’s not 10, he should understand that the world doesn’t revolve around him because it’s the anniversary of the day he was born. The BFF’s wedding is a one time deal.
Post # 5
As my Mom used to say to me
Nobody asked you to like it, just do it.
You are the Maid/Matron of Honor. You have an obligation to stay for a resonable length of time at the reception. He is your SO. He has an obligation to be there for you.
Post # 6
@Tatertot2003: honestly, your boyfriend has a birthday every year and he isn’t a child. Your friend is getting married, which is a once in a lifetime thing. If you we’re just a guest, I’d say maybe you could leave early, but as her Maid/Matron of Honor, no. It was your boyfriend’s decision to come and this is your friend’s big day. it’s one evening out of your lives, and your boyfriend will live.
Post # 7
You go and stay until the bitter end! Sounds like you have a pretty good SO who respects your friendship with Boyfriend or Best Friend, and although spending his bday at a wedding is probably the last thing he wants to do, he sounds more than willing to do whatever it takes so you can share this moment with her. There is no rule that says you have to remain at the head table after dinner, or if the other BM’s get up to dance that SO can’t slide in next to you-especially since your Boyfriend or Best Friend sounds accommodating enough to try and sit him next to people he’ll get along with and won’t mind him sitting in an empty seat once the formalities are over.
Post # 8
I would stay until the bride leaves. She’s only getting married once.
Post # 9
It’s pretty much expected the Maid/Matron of Honor stays until the bitter end.
Post # 10
As soon as dinner is over, you should be able to move from the head table to his table and spend the evening with him. Technically, your obligation has ended at that point. I think the plan of him going to the friend’s party before joining the reception is a good one. You’ve both known about the wedding for some time so I assume it’s not a surprise that it’s on his birthday or at the same time as his friend’s party. It’s a one-time thing.
Post # 11
@beachbride1216: +1… Being an adult means sometimes doing things you don’t want to do. If he is willing to go you should accept and finish out the reception.
Post # 12
@Tatertot2003: Stay to the end, no question (or when the bride leaves). The big party is once a year. You can celebrate his birthday the next day.
Sorry but when you committed to be MOH, you committed to be MOH for the whole wedding day.
Post # 13
@Tatertot2003: For me, it would be no contest. My partner comes first every time.
Post # 14
I would stay until at least 1 hour before the end, as long as you have been there for all the festivity stuff. As for being bored, sometimes you just have to make your own fun 🙂 I know I can never be bored when I am with my SO (and we have been in some boring situations). You make up a silly game, or dance like crazy people, or make up new drinks (even non alcholic ones- cherry ice tea?).
Post # 15
Is his birthday really that big of a deal to him? Why not just declare that the following day (or a day the weekend prior) will be his birthday and celebrate him then?
Post # 16
Stay until the end. Usually my partner would come first but in this scenario I would definitely stay. In the past when I’ve been Maid/Matron of Honor I helped clean up and bring gifts to the car. I also just wanted to be there for my friend.
There was one situation where I was good friends with the bride and didn’t know anyone else. Darling Husband and I stayed until the end and still had fun with each other and got to know some of the other people our age.