"Best Friend" wants me to be the guest book attendant….What?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
42182 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@FutureMrsM87:  Accept the request or don’t. It was inappropriate to put her on the spot as you did. Many brides have difficulty selecting their bridal party. She may have been pressured by her parents, or his, to include family on both sides.

She tried to find a honor for you.

If you moved away 2.5 years ago, it is likely that you are not as close as you once were.


Post # 4
2884 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

i think id say that it was very sweet of her to ask me but id prefer to attend as a normal guest

what exactly does a guest book attendent even do? at weddings ive been its just been on a table at entrance and guests sign it (or not)

Post # 5
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I have never heard of a guest book attendant… I’d imagine you’d be guarding the guest book?

I would inform her how hurt you are, just explain that you were expecting to be a BM or something and feel insulted by the role of a guest book attendant… you can also poltely decline and just tell her you are more comfortable coming as a guest.

Post # 6
2114 posts
Buzzing bee

@FutureMrsM87:  Well i would be bummed too if someone said here is YOUR bridesmaid dress etc. and then asked me to stand by their Guest Book.

Do you know who is in her bridal party? It could be she needed to include family or people that would be there through the whole process bridal shower, bachelorette etc. and didn’t think you wanted to spend money and fly out for each event.

Post # 7
1625 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@FutureMrsM87:  I would tell her that you cant wait to attend and share in her special day but don’t think that is the job for you. Sorry that your feelings are hurt 🙁

Post # 9
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Maybe she is thinking that each bridesmaid needs a specific role, and that she’s already said you’d be a bridesmaid?  Anyway, I’ve never heard of a guestbook attendant – not to say that they aren’t a thing, but first time I’ve heard of it.  I don’t think I’d ask a friend to do that at my wedding.  Has she announced other bridesmaids?

But, yeah, as PP’s have said, just say yes, or say no, and be gracious either way.  

Post # 10
2803 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@newname_99:  I have been to weddings with guest book attendents before.  Normally it’s less about the guest book and more about helping guests know where things are/helping them get their card and present put in the right place.  It can depend from wedding to wedding what the “responsiblities” are.  I did it for a cousin’s wedding way back when. 

I’m debating asking my cousin’s daughters to do something like this for my wedding.  Not to get things to the right place, but I really want to find a way to include them in my wedding as their mom was in my mom’s wedding as the flower girl, I was in my cousin’s wedding as a Junior Bridesmaid, and I really want to carry on the tradition by having them involved in my wedding, but they are way too old for junior bridesmaid. 

@FutureMrsM87:  I think she really wants to include you but may have a lot of other people she is currently close to/wants to include.  2.5 is a long time and you make a lot of new friends in that time period.


Post # 11
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

That is so weird.  I hope you have seen the sex and the city episode where Miranda is supposed to be a guest book attendant.  What a nothing job!

Post # 12
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I was a guest book girl when I was 10. My cousin was getting married and including my little brother and sister as flower girl and ring bearer. She didn’t want me to be left out. At that age I didn’t think anything of it, another cousin and myself took the book around to all the tables asking if everyone had signed it. If someone asked me to be the attendant now? I’d be so insulted. Either include me as a BM, ask me to do a reading, or just invite me as a guest. I’m a grown up. I understand that not everyone can be in the bridal party and a bride has to do what she has to do. But don’t force me into a non-existent role because you feel guilty.

Post # 15
3787 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m sorry. That’s a bummer, but I think she’s trying to honor your friendship. Unfortunately, sometimes giving someone a job like that doesn’t dawn on the individual that it’s a bit silly. 

Truthfully, however, I think it was unfair to respond with “Am I your best friend?” Relationships change as we age, and I’m sure she considers you a dear friend, but what were you hoping for? It’s such a loaded question that I’m not surprised you didn’t get the answer you were looking for. 

I think the best bet here is to just focus on your friendship. Leave the weddings out of it, put the honorifics aside. If you’re really miffed, you can ask her in general terms, but be prepared to recieve whatever honest answer she gives. “Hey, I noticed that you’ve seemed a bit distant lately, and I just wanted to check in. Have I done something to upset you?” Offer to help where you can, call to catch up on non-wedding stuff, and make a point to see her here and there. 

Finally, not being a BM does NOT mean you’re not important. One of my best friends got married in October and I wasn’t asked. Guess what, it wasn’t about me. She wanted a tiny bridal party and I was living abroad so I think she didn’t want to put it on me to potentially fly half the world back.

Post # 16
2884 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

thats such a faux honour. i can see its great to be asked to be bm, but any of the other thigns where youre being asked to do a not particularly fun job at a wedding isnt an honour at all! 

i think  the couple needs to realise that being included in that way really isnt that special

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