Post # 1
Today my best friend from “home” (I moved 2.5 years ago) texted me and said that she’s thought a lot about my role in her wedding and she wants me to be….. The guest book attendant.
I’m very hurt/confused/sad. What is most confusing to me is that when I was last home (Thanksgiving) she was showing me wedding stuff and said “This is what I want your BM dresses to look like.”
We’ve been close friends since 2009. I’m so shocked by this…
I recently got engaged and am having a DW. It’s very last minute and she’s unable to go. I told her I understood & right now we have one couple coming and the rest is family. I didn’t expect her to be able to afford a trip while she’s wedding planning… I’m starting to think this is revenge for that. I don’t know.
All I know is when I tried telling her I was hurt, she told me I was being unfair and got really defensive.
I asked if she thought of me as her best friend. She avoided the topic and never answered me. I already bought my ticket home & when I did that, she mentioned the rehersal dinner and everything.. Now all a sudden she wants me to be the guest book attendant.
Words of wisdom?
Post # 3
@FutureMrsM87: Accept the request or don’t. It was inappropriate to put her on the spot as you did. Many brides have difficulty selecting their bridal party. She may have been pressured by her parents, or his, to include family on both sides.
She tried to find a honor for you.
If you moved away 2.5 years ago, it is likely that you are not as close as you once were.
Post # 4
i think id say that it was very sweet of her to ask me but id prefer to attend as a normal guest
what exactly does a guest book attendent even do? at weddings ive been its just been on a table at entrance and guests sign it (or not)
Post # 5
I have never heard of a guest book attendant… I’d imagine you’d be guarding the guest book?
I would inform her how hurt you are, just explain that you were expecting to be a BM or something and feel insulted by the role of a guest book attendant… you can also poltely decline and just tell her you are more comfortable coming as a guest.
Post # 6
@FutureMrsM87: Well i would be bummed too if someone said here is YOUR bridesmaid dress etc. and then asked me to stand by their Guest Book.
Do you know who is in her bridal party? It could be she needed to include family or people that would be there through the whole process bridal shower, bachelorette etc. and didn’t think you wanted to spend money and fly out for each event.
Post # 7
@FutureMrsM87: I would tell her that you cant wait to attend and share in her special day but don’t think that is the job for you. Sorry that your feelings are hurt 🙁
Post # 8
@julies1949: I agree, she definitely put me on the spot and when I politely declined she got very upset.. We definitely aren’t as close but I see her every 3-4 months and we talk often. I asked her if I did something to uspet her and she said no. I asked if she still considered me a best friend & she avoided the topic.
I don’t think we were on the same page of where our friendship was… and I’m feeling a little blindsided. What’s most confusing is her discussing BM dresses with me and using “you” when she talked to me about the styles she wantes us to wear.
@newname_99: I have no idea. I didn’t know that someone had to watch a guest book?? I haven’t been to ton of weddings, but i’ve never seen this before either.
Post # 9
Maybe she is thinking that each bridesmaid needs a specific role, and that she’s already said you’d be a bridesmaid? Anyway, I’ve never heard of a guestbook attendant – not to say that they aren’t a thing, but first time I’ve heard of it. I don’t think I’d ask a friend to do that at my wedding. Has she announced other bridesmaids?
But, yeah, as PP’s have said, just say yes, or say no, and be gracious either way.
Post # 10
@newname_99: I have been to weddings with guest book attendents before. Normally it’s less about the guest book and more about helping guests know where things are/helping them get their card and present put in the right place. It can depend from wedding to wedding what the “responsiblities” are. I did it for a cousin’s wedding way back when.
I’m debating asking my cousin’s daughters to do something like this for my wedding. Not to get things to the right place, but I really want to find a way to include them in my wedding as their mom was in my mom’s wedding as the flower girl, I was in my cousin’s wedding as a Junior Bridesmaid, and I really want to carry on the tradition by having them involved in my wedding, but they are way too old for junior bridesmaid.
@FutureMrsM87: I think she really wants to include you but may have a lot of other people she is currently close to/wants to include. 2.5 is a long time and you make a lot of new friends in that time period.
Post # 11
That is so weird. I hope you have seen the sex and the city episode where Miranda is supposed to be a guest book attendant. What a nothing job!
Post # 12
I was a guest book girl when I was 10. My cousin was getting married and including my little brother and sister as flower girl and ring bearer. She didn’t want me to be left out. At that age I didn’t think anything of it, another cousin and myself took the book around to all the tables asking if everyone had signed it. If someone asked me to be the attendant now? I’d be so insulted. Either include me as a BM, ask me to do a reading, or just invite me as a guest. I’m a grown up. I understand that not everyone can be in the bridal party and a bride has to do what she has to do. But don’t force me into a non-existent role because you feel guilty.
Post # 13
@JessicaJupiter: That’s exactly what I did and she got really defensive and told me I was being unfair 🙁
@leisha606: I asked… She has her sister, neices and two friends – one of which I’ve never even heard her mention to me! That’s what hurt the most. I think if she said she’s only having her sister/family, I would totally understand. I also told her that I had money set aside for all of these things and that I thought I could play the role of BM from afar. I’m literally “home” every 3-4 months. I might not be able to attend every small event, but I would make a point to be there..
When I explained all of this to her, her reaction didn’t change. She avoided half of my questions and kept telling/asking if I thought it was an unfair situation that I was putting her in.
Post # 14
@MrsTVLover: I haven’t, but I should watch! I totally agree. A nothing job.
@jny1179: BINGO. That’s what I told her (that I thought it was a job for the people you didn’t know where to put, etc) and I explained to her how important it was for me to be a BM and what pride I was going to take into that role. Nothing. No acknowledgement of my comments. I’m very insulted and nailed it on the head. “Either include me as a BM, ask me to do a reading, or just invite me as a guest. I’m a grown up. I understand that not everyone can be in the bridal party and a bride has to do what she has to do. But don’t force me into a non-existent role because you feel guilty.” Exactly.. Ugh.
Post # 15
I’m sorry. That’s a bummer, but I think she’s trying to honor your friendship. Unfortunately, sometimes giving someone a job like that doesn’t dawn on the individual that it’s a bit silly.
Truthfully, however, I think it was unfair to respond with “Am I your best friend?” Relationships change as we age, and I’m sure she considers you a dear friend, but what were you hoping for? It’s such a loaded question that I’m not surprised you didn’t get the answer you were looking for.
I think the best bet here is to just focus on your friendship. Leave the weddings out of it, put the honorifics aside. If you’re really miffed, you can ask her in general terms, but be prepared to recieve whatever honest answer she gives. “Hey, I noticed that you’ve seemed a bit distant lately, and I just wanted to check in. Have I done something to upset you?” Offer to help where you can, call to catch up on non-wedding stuff, and make a point to see her here and there.
Finally, not being a BM does NOT mean you’re not important. One of my best friends got married in October and I wasn’t asked. Guess what, it wasn’t about me. She wanted a tiny bridal party and I was living abroad so I think she didn’t want to put it on me to potentially fly half the world back.
Post # 16
thats such a faux honour. i can see its great to be asked to be bm, but any of the other thigns where youre being asked to do a not particularly fun job at a wedding isnt an honour at all!
i think the couple needs to realise that being included in that way really isnt that special