Post # 1
So I’ve been a lurker for a while, but I need to vent. Normally I’d talk to my friend about this, but I can’t given that she’s the one who put me in this situation!
Background: I’ve been with SO for 5 years, unofficially waiting for about a year and have officially started getting antsy in the last 3 months. It seems like everyone around me is getting married and engaged constantly…cue the jealousy monster.
My friend has been with her Boyfriend or Best Friend for 2 years. When we had previously spoken about her getting married someday, she said her SO had given her a timeline of 2 years to wait. That was 1 month ago. Then today she asked me to help her start ring shopping. She wants it to be a surprise, so her SO told her to look and figure out what she likes and then he’ll take it from there.
I know it makes me a lousy friend, but I can’t help but be kind of frustrated. She said she wants a shopping buddy for moral support. But she knows my waiting saga and how i feel about it. When I mentioned her request to my SO his only response was “oh, cool.”
I’ll never understand guys. How is it that we’ve been together twice as long, he knows how I feel about this and can see that I’m wrestling emotionally with having to help someone else pick out their ring, and he doesn’t even flinch at the subject?! Gaaah. Has anyone else been in this situation?
Post # 3
I would be upset too. Why does someone need moral support for ring shopping? I “ring shop” all the time by myself I never need moral support 🙂
If it were wedding dress shopping Id say suck it up, but ring? come on thats for her and her future Fiance to figure out.
Post # 4
I don’t want to plant any dastardly little hope seeds so please take this with a grain of salt: Last time SO wanted to get my jewelry, he had my friend pretend it was for her and we went shopping together. Later that week, I was presented with earrings that I had picked out that day.
It seems like this is really out of character for your BFF and SO so maybe it’s something like that? In the very least, your SO could go to your friend for accurate advice later now that she knows your taste, too.
Post # 5
@Choosgirl: Thank you! I don’t know how to separate out my selfish thoughts from the situation. It doesn’t help that she and I have very different styles so my opinion really isn’t going to help her all that much. The whole process will be me avoiding looking at the rings I actually like and trying to cope with my inner beeyatch! It just seems kind of weird and feels a little bit like she’s doing it to brag and get attention. I have no problem supporting her and giving her attention, I just think the way she’s asking for it is odd.
Post # 6
@SoobySays: I didnt even think of that… but yea I wouldnt want to get my hopes up if I were her, she might just have a bragging friend.
Post # 8
@SoobySays: I thought of that too about 5 minutes ago but quickly squashed it. No sense in making waiting MORE difficult, am I right?! =P But, hey, a girl can dream….(sigh)
Post # 9
@imsandradee: you know your friends best to know if this is out of character for her or not
Post # 10
What’s so hard to understand about wanting you with her?
1) If you’ve been waiting longer the chances that you know more about rings etc are greater.
2) If she wants the ring to be a surprise then her SO isn’t going to ask her about rings, he’s going to ask YOU when the time comes.
3) Perhaps her SO wants time to save and knowing what she likes will give him a figure? Plus getting a ring made (if that’s something she wants) can take time too, he’s just preparing.
4) She thought it would be fun to go together and you can help her not get side tracked by trendy things but what she actually wants
I realise that this will be hard for you but look at it as an excuse to look at rings and have girly fun times with your friend, how many other opportunities will you have to look at engagement rings together?
P.S. Make sure you are looking for yourself as well, just in case 😉
Post # 11
You aren’t a lousy friend at all, I would find it really difficult in your situation. You will get through it though x
Post # 12
When you help her choose a ring- try some on yourself too. that way you can go home and slyly mention to you SO that it was rude not to try some on too and you like this one, that one and one like this…he might get the hint!!
Post # 14
Yea, try to enjoy the pre-shopping and get a fit for what looks good on your hand…while being a sound board for your friend.
Like water over your back.
Post # 15
Go with her! It can’t hurt for you both to know what the other likes. My best friend and I always knew what the other liked in a ring, just in case someone asked 🙂
Post # 16
Wow, if this is a close friend, you should suck it up. My Maid/Matron of Honor and me always do that sort of stuff together, she’s happy and she wants her friend to share her joy and be apart of her experience, that’s completely understandable. While many of us feel that twinge of jealousy whenever a friend or relative is getting married and we’re still waiting , but you need to learn to put aside your jealousy and be there for your friend, thats what good friends do.
ETA: Also definately make sure you look at things you like too, never know when it will come in handy.