Best friend wants to bring BF no one likes to my very small wedding

posted 4 weeks ago in Guests
  • poll: Should i tell my friend...
    She's invited but not her boyfriend : (14 votes)
    19 %
    Invite them both : (44 votes)
    59 %
    Tell her I'm only inviting family now : (17 votes)
    23 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    2452 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    If I couldn’t invite her alone, with such a tiny wedding, and I couldn’t stand to invite her significant other, I wouldn’t invite either.

    Packaging two people into a social unit goes both ways- if you have to invite them together, you can also exclude hem together.

    Post # 17
    Member
    2164 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Besides not liking how this guy treats your friend, do you know if he’s rude, ill-mannered, obnoxiously loud, gross, or anything like that? Would he actually be a bad guest or would he behave just fine?

    If you don’t want to hurt your friend, and he wouldn’t even be a bad guest, invite him. 

    That being said, turn your mostly-family wedding into an only-family wedding if you really don’t want him there. That’s ok, although you might still have to deal with your friend if it hurts her feelings. I still say go for it, even if it does hurt her feelings.

    Post # 18
    Member
    3189 posts
    Sugar bee

    You have two choices: Neither or both. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    89 posts
    Worker bee

    Some PPs say they’re a package deal, but there’s also the saying, “ring or no bring”! I think you’d be fine to invite just her, but make sure you really are just inviting family and that other friends’ bf/gfs aren’t allowed to come.

    I can also share with you that I discovered my ex wasn’t right for me when he got wasted and made an ass of himself at a wedding. Who knows how long it would’ve taken me to figure it out, if I hadn’t had the chance to see him exposed in front of decent people?? If he really sucks, don’t waste your money, but, food for thought…

    Post # 20
    Member
    330 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    Swimming against the stream here… I think when the wedding is small enough to fit in a church van, you can draw hard lines on the guest list. 

    I think it’s ESPECIALLY important when having such an intimate affair to really be happy to see everyone who is in attendance. The fact you don’t like this guy will seem all the more noticeable without the buffer of lots of other guests.

    If you really really want her there, tell her it’s family only but you’ll make an exception for just her. If you’re willling to celebrate with her another time, then leave it at family only.

     

    Post # 21
    Member
    3875 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    daguerreotype22 :  It’s really shitty to expect someone to show up and support your relationship, while at the same time not supporting theirs. She has a boyfriend and, regardless of whether or not you like him or not, they should be a packaged deal. If you knew from the jump that you didn’t want him there, you should have been upfront about it. You’ve already verbally told her that she would attend, so backing out of the invite is also a shitty option. It should have been a no-brainer that she would expect her boyfriend of a year to attend as well. 

    Here are the options as I see them presented:

    – Stand by etiquette and invite the boyfriend even though you don’t care for him. Nothing in your description or examples of him shows that he is such a vile person that he can’t be trusted to be a polite individual. Also, you’re “annoyed” at all the other people who could be there in his place–so invite them? 

    – Tell her that she’s invited, but he’s not. Possibly jeopardize your relationship with her.

    – Take back your invitation to your supposed best friend and not have her there all for the sake of avoiding an awkward conversation.  

    Post # 22
    Member
    9351 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2015

    You haven’t made a compelling enough case to disregard etiquette here, imo. I worry that you will damage this friendship, as PP mentioned, if you only invite her or disinvite her. 

    I don’t really get how your friend says he treats your friend is relevant to your wedding. Don’t focus on the things she’s told you about him. It’s her choice to be with him. 

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