best friend/Attendant is bringing some random friend … should I be hurt?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

if it were me, i would say something. but you have to decide for yourself if you want this person there or not.

 

Post # 4
Member
6026 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I wouldn’t be hurt or read too much into things. Officially it’s bad etiquette, assuming you invited Attendant + Partner and not Attendant + Guest, but in the real world, it’s surprising how many people don’t know the in’s and out’s of who is really invited.  Your attendant likely meant no harm by swapping in the rando friend date, and is probably just excited to share the occasion with another person who means a lot to him.  Not everyone does well in social situations when they’re on their own, and I would never begrudge anyone in my wedding party the ability to bring someone along if they so choose.  It;s no reflection on how “fun” your attendant thinks your wedding is going to be, and it’s not likely that it will take any of his attention away from you on the day— more like it, you will be so busy the entire day that it will make it easier for him to enjoy himself while you are distracted wiht your other guests.

 

Post # 5
Member
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I wouldn’t be hurt. I would just say “wtf friend, you got a plus one, thats it. We cant accomodate someone else”. 

Trust me, you are going to be VERY busy on your wedding day.  Dont be offended by this. 

Post # 6
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here… lol

Ok what he did was not correct (subbing, if someone else’s name was on the invite besides his own)… in so much as he should have checked with you first.

“Hi Bob here, Phil cannot make it to the Wedding this weekend… I was thinking about bringing someone else, but wanted to check first”

On the otherhand… as per “Traditonal Etiquette” (not modern) if he is in the Bridal Party and over the age of 18 he is entitled a Plus One as consideration for all the time he’ll be focusing on you during the Wedding / Wedding Weekend.

And as such… he can make that Plus One WHOMEVER he so chooses to spend his “off time” from Attendant duties with… man, woman, SO, Life Partner, Fiance, Spouce… his brother, his sister, or mother if that is who he wished to spend the weekend with.

AND as per traditional etiquette, you would gladly accept his choice, put them both up in a hotel, and treat his meaningful Guest with respect and kindness, cause they absolutely must be fabulous if they hang out with someone so wonderful as the person you’ve chosen to be in your Bridal Party.  You’d make sure they were introduced around, invited to all the key Wedding Functions (with your Attendant) and make sure that someone would be on the lookout for them when your Attendant is busy with you (ie… “Someone is going to make sure John gets a ride to the Church”… etc)

Oh how I mourn a kinder gentler time, when Bridal Party members were treated with more kindness & respect.

Certainly made for a lot less drama / trauma.

Honestly, I’m not sure I’d want to be in a Bridal Party now… it just seems be all going too much one way these days.

Couples expect the world, and their Friends & Family Members who stand up for them, don’t seem to get a lot of love for it all.

Just my 2 cents.

 

Post # 8
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I wouldn’t be upset at all. It sounds like he will know 2 people there, from what you said. You will be busy at the wedding, not hanging with him the entire time. Since he is in the bridal party you should accomodate his plus one since you budgeted for his significant other anyway.

Post # 9
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@hollysprig:  You’re taking this too personally, him inviting someone else since his partner can’t go does not mean that he has to have someone there in order to make it fun. Some people are just more comfortable coming with another person.

Post # 11
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee

@hollysprig:  The guest of my MOH was not with us while we got ready. If I’d had had more attendants they wouldn’t have been there either. There is no reason his guest should be there for that part of the day.

Post # 12
Member
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

I think it will all be fine 🙂 I can see not wanting the friend to be there during the getting ready stages and whatnot. But it’s my understanding that traditionally guests of the bridal party members aren’t included in that anyway. I was the MOH in my BFFs wedding and my date was not with me at that time. He only came and sat in for the ceremony with other guests and also sat a table with other partners of those who came with bridal party members.

Post # 13
Member
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@hollysprig:  The guest shouldn’t be there when you get ready.

 

Maybe ask him if they require transportation to the church/venue to reinforce that they will not be with you in the morning 🙂

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