Post # 1
My best friend of 20 years backs out of moh. I’m devastated! This all happened yesterday and I’m getting married in one month. I was the only girl of all boys, grew up with mostly boys and needless to say my BFF is a guy. He has been openly gay since we were 16 and he and I were inseparable. He is the one that introducgimme to my fiancé. I moved to Salzburg Jan 13 after a 3 year long distance relationship. My bff woked together but both had executive positions that traveled a lot so we were used to having a long distance friendship. He was based in Miami and I in NYC. I honestly didn’t think me moving to Salzburg ouldve been so different. We met in places all over the world so me living here didnt seem like that much of a change. it started last year on a business trip in Miami, he said I was different only I didn’t see how. I was still hanging out the same way I always did. The. He admitted he was overreacting and we brushed it aside. I asked him to be my man of honor, he was super excited!! He started hanging out with new girl from work antithes became bestirs, I asked him if he was binging a date and he said he fidnt have one so I suggested he bring his friend From work. She was super excited and it was settled. I saw instagram photos of them in Los sanceles and in Miami I always commented wish I was there, can’t wait to see you! But I nverr got a response. Till now, I got a message that said he feels like I changed and he can’t come to my wedding because its not good for him. !?!?!? what!?!? I responded that I was hurt but respected his honesty and lft it at that. Only thing is i feel like he could at least called me! My best friend, not coming to my wedding, and I ing on cake, his date was also an awesome dj, now I don’t have entertainment either. What the hell is going on!? I e been through every single emotion with my best, what did I do!?!? I honestly can’t figure it out!!! Anyay else blind sided!?
Post # 3
is it possible he’s deveoped feelings for you? Or he feels a bit jealous because you guys are best friends and now, as a married woman, it changes they dynamic of you friendship a bit? Have you been talking to him non stop about the wedding, and maybe he’s tired of it? Other than asking him what he means, I’m no sure what else you can do.
Sorry to hear he would back out so suddenly.
Post # 4
I would be really upset but I don’t know if there is really anything you can do other than ask him why? How have you changed? It is difficult growing up and realizing people are different than you thought. Maybe he is the one who has changed and wants to move on without being the one to blame….IDK
Post # 5
Definitely not interested in me, but I can say that the responsibility I will take is I didn’t make enough of an effort to talk. I’m 6 hours ahead when he is on east coast but because of his work sometimes its 9 hours. During the day when I’m up its usually night time back in stars. Then when my fiancé comes home we eat dinner or go out whatever. So I find it hard to fun a food time to call. He’s not the detailed person I am so I knew not to overload him with responsibility . No bachelorette party all he had to do was show up and stand by my side. When we did speak he was distant, I have changed. I’m not out like before, I can’t fly to Miami for fun weekends anymore, but I’m still the best friend I can be. Plus, trying to learn a new language ( German) and make new friends at 33 isn’t that easy. So while trying to acclimate myself I guess I did distance myself but is that enough for him to back out? My brother said he thinks that my moh was a fake romantwants aid he wanted it but in reality wanted to be single and on the prowl for life. I don’t know. I needed to vent and weddingbee is my BFF right now because I lost mine. Crazy feeling one month before big day. I guess I’ll just deal but I will wish him well always. I jut feed jaded now.
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@Jenny1206: Maybe he has a new girlfriend and she is super uncomfortable with how close you two are? I also agree with PPs, he might have realized that he has feelings for you and he can’t watch you marry someone else (unless he’s gay it’s always a possibility.) It also doesn’t help that you live so far away from one another. Some people just aren’t good at doing long distance friendships.
Post # 9
@Jenny1206: Hmm, I honestly think he is being pretty selfish about this. Has he been trying really hard to get in touch with you and you didn’t respond? Because if he’s upset you two don’t talk much, he is 50% of that equation! I think he has obviously changed a lot, and is just so focused on himself, and how HE feels, and how things affect HIM, that he cannot see how his actions are hurting other people. Sometimes people get so worked up about how they perceive others as “wronging” them, that they become totally blind to their own wrongin of others. To pull out like this, without being able to give you any real, concrete reason a month before the wedding is irresponsible and cruel.
Post # 10
@Jenny1206: This sucks 🙁 I’m sorry you’re going through it but I think maybe the two of you need to have a sit-down so that you can find out how he thinks you’ve changed and what can be done to salvage what is obviously an important friendship for you.
My own take is that he might be scared of losing you. You’re getting married, moving on, and it’s possible that he’s feeling left behind. He might be feeling less important to you now that you have your Fiance, or he might be feeling that you’re wedding-obsessed or uninterested in what is going on in his life. You say that the two of you have been inseperable, but if you’re getting married that is inevitably going to change, and he is going to be replaced as your #1 by your Fiance. That’s just life, and it sucks, but I know from experience how it feels to be the one “left behind.” Even for someone with the best of intentions, it can breed some irrational resentment and hurt if not addressed properly. I’d suggest letting him now how important he is to you and asking what you’ve done to make him feel this way. If you’ve truly been best friends all this time, I highly doubt that he *actually* wants to lose you.
Post # 11
er i dont think its a new gf whos unhappy with friendship if hes openly gay? or did i misread something?
Post # 12
Um.. guys?… He’s gay. She said it in the OP. He doesn’t have feelings for her and his girlfriend isn’t jealous. Or, I mean, maybe she is, but I don’t think it’s what you all are suggesting.
@Jenny1206: That flat out sucks. I’m so sorry. Unfortunately, I don’t think there’s much to be done. He may just feel like you guys have grown apart. Try to enjoy the rest of your planning and your big day!
Post # 13
lol, yes he’s openly gay since he’s 16. He’s 38 now and I’m 33 so he’s pretty confident about his sexual preference( that being men) and he’s had never ever made a move on me. Just best of friends. Tha k you all for the input. I guess I wanted to understand what happened but the only way that’s possible is if I take your suggestions of asking him directly. I punked out by responding by text to his text. I should’ve called. I’ll try an talk to him about it but not until fret the wedding. I want to enjoy my wedding and not spend the next month wondering what happened. I feel horrible but he didn’t put my feelings into condietstion so I will have to do that for myself And my fiancé. Thank you all!!!!!!