Best friend/moh backs out

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
4134 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

is it possible he’s deveoped feelings for you? Or he feels a bit jealous because you guys are best friends and now, as a married woman, it changes they dynamic of you friendship a bit? Have you been talking to him non stop about the wedding, and maybe he’s tired of it? Other than asking him what he means, I’m no sure what else you can do. 

Sorry to hear he would back out so suddenly. 

Post # 4
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would be really upset but I don’t know if there is really anything you can do other than ask him why? How have you changed? It is difficult growing up and realizing people are different than you thought. Maybe he is the one who has changed and wants to move on without being the one to blame….IDK

Post # 8
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Jenny1206:  Maybe he has a new girlfriend and she is super uncomfortable with how close you two are?  I also agree with PPs, he might have realized that he has feelings for you and he can’t watch you marry someone else (unless he’s gay it’s always a possibility.)  It also doesn’t help that you live so far away from one another.  Some people just aren’t good at doing long distance friendships.

Post # 9
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@Jenny1206:  Hmm, I honestly think he is being pretty selfish about this. Has he been trying really hard to get in touch with you and you didn’t respond? Because if he’s upset you two don’t talk much, he is 50% of that equation! I think he has obviously changed a lot, and is just so focused on himself, and how HE feels, and how things affect HIM, that he cannot see how his actions are hurting other people. Sometimes people get so worked up about how they perceive others as “wronging” them, that they become totally blind to their own wrongin of others. To pull out like this, without being able to give you any real, concrete reason a month before the wedding is irresponsible and cruel.

Post # 10
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Jenny1206:  This sucks 🙁  I’m sorry you’re going through it but I think maybe the two of you need to have a sit-down so that you can find out how he thinks you’ve changed and what can be done to salvage what is obviously an important friendship for you.

My own take is that he might be scared of losing you.  You’re getting married, moving on, and it’s possible that he’s feeling left behind.  He might be feeling less important to you now that you have your FI, or he might be feeling that you’re wedding-obsessed or uninterested in what is going on in his life.  You say that the two of you have been inseperable, but if you’re getting married that is inevitably going to change, and he is going to be replaced as your #1 by your FI.  That’s just life, and it sucks, but I know from experience how it feels to be the one “left behind.”   Even for someone with the best of intentions, it can breed some irrational resentment and hurt if not addressed properly.  I’d suggest letting him now how important he is to you and asking what you’ve done to make him feel this way.  If you’ve truly been best friends all this time, I highly doubt that he *actually* wants to lose you.

Post # 11
2884 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

er i dont think its a new gf whos unhappy with friendship if hes openly gay? or did i misread something?

Post # 12
6948 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

Um.. guys?… He’s gay. She said it in the OP. He doesn’t have feelings for her and his girlfriend isn’t jealous. Or, I mean, maybe she is, but I don’t think it’s what you all are suggesting.

@Jenny1206:  That flat out sucks. I’m so sorry. Unfortunately, I don’t think there’s much to be done. He may just feel like you guys have grown apart. Try to enjoy the rest of your planning and your big day!

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