Post # 1
So you know the drill, regular bee gone anonymous – just in case.
My best friend’s, of the last eleven years, boyfriend is planning to propose to her next month and I am freaking out a little bit! For one, they have only known each other since last January!! Second, he has joined the Navy and will be leaving in November (I’m guessing that’s the push for the proposal now vs. later??). Third, since she has started dating him she blows off all of her other friends and only spends time with him. Anyways, I just wanted to get that little bit off of my chest.
Regardless of all of that, she seems happier than she has ever been, they seem like a great match and if she accepts (I’m 99% sure she will) I would be thrilled for her.
My problem is, he told me he’s going to propose, showed me the ring (well some photos, it is in the process of being customized) and It. Is. Dreadful. It is the diamond from the ring his dad gave his mom (they have since divorced) and it is a 4.8 ct. chocolate diamond. I even texted to confirm that wasn’t a typo. I haven’t seen it in person but holy bejesus, that thing has to be huge. The setting is very different too. The worst part is, I actually know the type of engagement ring she wants – this is the total opposite. She wanted something very simple & traditional. I’m afraid this is going to end up looking like costume jewelry. Also, how well can he possibly know her, if he thinks that this is her style???
I haven’t said anything to him about the ring, only positive things. Thankfully this was all through text so I was able to just do a bunch of smiley faces and what not. He’s a pretty shy guy and honestly hasn’t made much of an attempt to get to know me or my husband, so I was pleasantly surprised he decided to confide in me. I just want some reassurance keeping my mouth shut is the right thing to do. I’m not sure what possible good could come from me telling him my real opinion on the ring. The ring is already ordered and I feel he’ll most likely never confide in me again if I do say something.
To be honest, I always imagined a simple white gold solitaire too, when DH proposed that was not the ring I got and I am absolutely in love with it. Should I assume she’ll be in love with hers too? I just worry, because you see so many posts about bees hating their rings!!
Post # 3
Don’t worry. Worst case scenario she comes to you saying she hates the ring and you help her think of something to tell him. don’t say anything!
Post # 4
btw: chocolate diamond?????? it’s the color of poop!!
Post # 5
@bebero: In the picture he sent me the diamond looks very lightly tinted, but given the size I’m not sure how dark it will appear :-/
Post # 6
I wouldnt say anything. the worst that can happen is she hates the ring they get a new one and she can have a bangin chocolate diamond necklace!
Post # 7
@conflictedbf: If its a ring coming from the man she loves, she will like it.. If she doesn’t that’s up to her don’t butt in! The only time it would’ve been okay to say something would’ve been before the ring was being made..
Post # 8
@conflictedbf: I wouldn’t say anything, just let them work it out, and if she comes to you afterwards you can give her advice. Yikes, that sounds ugly though!
Post # 9
Why was he texting you this? To get your opinion?
My rule is….I keep my mouth shut until I’m outright asked to give my opinion and if you ask for it…..you’re gonna get it.
If he wants to know what you think – TELL HIM. Otherwise you’re going to have to sit this one out.
Post # 10
@bebero: I actually think chocolate diamonds are beautiful! So to each their own I guess 🙂
@conflictedbf: I agree with PPs – don’t say anything. You never know, maybe she’ll love it. If she ends up hating it and tells you this, then step in and help her figure out a way to tell him. I do hope she loves it though! I totally get that it may not be her style but I don’t think that the ring that you described sounds horrible (that is without seeing a picture). Let us know how it goes!
Post # 11
This is none of your business, I would stay out of it.
Post # 12
@conflictedbf: I wouldn’t say anything to him. Wait for her to confide in you about the ring. She may not love chocolate diamonds (I just google imaged them – ummm, not for me!), and she may or may not love the setting, but perhaps when she finds out it belonged to his parents or that he custom designed the ring, the sentimental part may out weigh anything else (although, using the diamond from your divorced parents isn’t exactly the sentiment I would be going for). I’ll admit the ring I always thought I wanted – when I went to try it on, didn’t suit me. And even once I found something I was for sure I would like after that – it too didn’t suit my hand. The ring I ended up with is a bit different than I originally thought I would like, and I absolutely love my ring!
Post # 13
I can’t imagine having a huge honking brown diamond as a center stone. I have some idea that his father went to buy an ering, his mother had said I want a big rock! He tells the jeweler his budget and is shown a tasteful array of half carat or smaller white diamond erings, which he nervously thinks arent big enough. The jeweler shows him some 1-3 ct white diamonds and he nearly faints at the price. The jeweler goes, well I do have a 4ct diamond in your budget BUT – and the father says I’ll take it. The jeweler shows it to him – and how many guys care or know anything about color – and he walks out thinking he got the biggest best ering in the world for a steal.
Maybe the mother was thrilled with – but maybe not. Might be a question for him to ask dear old mom. Seems like they were happy to give him the diamond to use which may indicate something.
I agree that a 4 carat stone is going to look like costume jewelry – brown or not – but the brown color for an center stone ering would certainly be a major faux pas for many. I figure they have to get pretty creative on the setting for such a large stone and I doubt it’s dainty or traditional!
If you think you honestly know she will hate it, maybe gently ask if he is sure she likes brown diamonds – get his wheels turning. Otherwise just wait till the proposal and be ready to eitherAbe thrilled with her or ready to put your heads together to fix the issue about the ring (but really her being happy with HIM is the really important thing.)
Post # 14
Thanks for all of the responses! I definitely agree it is best not to say anything to him about the ring. I think the whole thing is just freaking me out. He’s planning an elaborate proposal which is also not at all what she wants. It makes me really worried he doesn’t know her at all. They’ve known each other such a short amount of time, they’re both only 23 and I think the fact he’s shipping out in two months is the driving force behind all of this. I never doubted once during my engagement that my husband was the right man for me, but I literally feel sick to my stomach thinking about this!
Post # 15
I would probably freak if DH had given me a 4.8ct chocolate diamond–in a GOOD way! I think it’s one of those things you don’t know you love until it’s on your finger!
Post # 16
Keep it on the down low. Maybe she doesn’t know the proposal is coming?? But if she does you never know, maybe she will flip out and LOVE that chocolate diamond to death. For his sake I hope she does. He feels confident enough to show you the ring so he must be very proud and very excited to propose with this diamond. I am sure the both would like it to be a surprise. I know I would be surpised-in a awesome way!!