(Closed) Best Friends Mad at Me

posted 7 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

They knew you were going to propose and they had their chance to tell you it would piss them off. They failed to do that so no, you didn’t do anything wrong by sticking to your original plan.

Post # 4
Member
5658 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

You were totally within your right to propose when you did, especially since you had planned it at least 5 weeks in advance. It’s not like you purposely did it to steal their thunder or something.

Post # 5
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2006

To answer your question, I don’t know if you did something “wrong”.  Some people try to space out engagements among friends so that everyone gets their “special time” to be the center of attention.  And some people think that just because they are getting married in certain year they are the only one’s who should get married THE WHOLE YEAR among their group of friends. 

But to also answer your question some people can hold a grudge.  I have a friend who was living with the guy for four years, got engaged and set the wedding date for three years out.  During the three years she was engaged I met my husband and we got married after only dating for six months (we had a very small wedding).  She didn’t attend the wedding and is still PO’d at me four years later  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 5
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree – you didn’t do anything wrong.  From other posts I’ve seen on here though, I know some brides and grooms can be very sensitive toward someone else stealing their thunder (or their perception that you have stolen their thunder).

Have either one of you set a date yet?  I’ve seen situations where this is the difficult part.  One couple gets engaged first, another couple then gets engaged and sets their date BEFORE the first couple.  That’s when I’ve seen things get really ugly.

I would talk to your friend and be completely honest – tell him what you just wrote.  You had planned to propose, had no idea he was planning the same thing, and really just wanted to get it done before the holidays.

If he was a true friend, he would understand.

Post # 6
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Your friends are being ridiculous. 

There’s no law on how long you have to wait from the minute a friend proposed til the time you can.  If there were, there’d be a lot fewer engagements on Christmas Eve/Day, New Year’s Eve/Day, Valentine’s Day, etc.

If these people were your friends, they’d be happy for you and not all jealous.

 

Post # 7
Member
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@milesbella: I think that even getting pissed because a couple engaged after you gets married before you is ridiculous, fwiw.

Post # 8
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

When are you planning to tell your girlfriend they are engaged? I think you put your FI feelings before your friends, I’m not saying this is right or wrong, and your friends might feel jaded by that.

Post # 9
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

@Mrs Grape:  You wrote:  @milesbella: I think that even getting pissed because a couple engaged after you gets married before you is ridiculous, fwiw.

Totally agree!!!  DH and I got engaged and it took us 8 years to get to the altar.  Believe me, I had loads of friends who got engaged after me and married before me and didn’t hold a single grudge! 

Post # 10
Member
2906 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Mrs Grape:i agree

 

 

they just need some time to cool off. don’t worry you will have your friend back.

sometimes it’s a little hard to share the glory, but they’ll come around ๐Ÿ™‚

 

edit: do give them some space though. they’re (wrongfully but understandably) upset and feel like some of their own joy is less. they’re jealous. it takes time for that to wear off. it’s ok.

beleive me, i know from both sides. my brother in law is getting engaged and then married between my husband and my legal and religious ceremonies. i was jealous and upset for a little while (wrongfully, but understandably so) and i got over it because i realized what it was.

give them some time. you did nothing wrong, but your friend is just having trouble with it right now. you will be best friends again. no worries ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 11
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Mrs Grape:  I completely agree … but I’ve seen it happen so many times in my circle of friends, that I thought I better mention it.

I just had someone OUTSIDE of my group of friends get pissed at me and FI because our wedding is two weeks before theirs.  It’s my FI’s best man’s cousin and his fiance.  I don’t know them at all but they’re upset because their cousin will be in our wedding and then in their’s two weeks later.  I had no idea!

Post # 12
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Your friends are being ridiculous. I have a friend that got engaged a couple of days after me and guess what? We’re both happy and still going to be in eachother’s weddings. That’s how it should be. No one gets a whole day, week, month or year completely separate from friends. They should just be happy for you.

Like a PP said, it isn’t like you were being petty with that. You’d been planning to propose for over a month at that point anyways. Are they mad about the engagement itself, how long you and your new fiancee have been dating, jealous, thinking they should get “all the attention” for a while? Yeah, most likely. Even if you and your FI have been dating longer. People can be silly/petty and you didn’t do anything wrong.

By the way – CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR ENGAGEMENT! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 13
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Oh and also – pick your date for when you want it, and since you are engaged, you can pick yours before they pick theirs because guess what? You are all adults and you are now all engaged. Just because one couple has a date in mind or can pick one “faster” doesn’t mean they are trying to “OMGPICKADATEFIRSTGOTTAWIN!”

Post # 14
Member
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think that’s ridiculous.  One of my good friends got engaged 3 days before me and I was super excited for her! Of course, I was like…”grrr when will it ever happen for me” but only for a few seconds lol.  My then-boyfriend told me to be patient and sure enough, it was only a few days later.  From July-September, I had 5 friends get engaged.  I think if they are really your friends they would be so excited for you and excited about getting to bounce ideas of each other while planning.

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