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uhhhhh i think you need to stand by your man on this. this is quite preposterous and rude.
Her FI sounds like a douche. I wouldn't go to a wedding that my husband was forbidden to attend.
My husband comes first and I would not attend any wedding that he was excluded from.
I do agree I would never leave my husband I dunno how to break the news to her though.
I'd simply tell her that you were sorry her FH felt that way and that unfortunately you will not be able to attend.
Stand by your husband. There is no way your friend's FI should be able to have you help out and be there to see them get married without inviting your husband too. I think anyone planning a wedding knows that you can't invite a person without their "other half".
I guess I can kind of see why her FI wouldn't want him there, but I still think too bad. Your husband is married to YOU now anyway, he's clearly not going after your friend anymore! He's going to have to be grown up about this and either invite both of you or neither of you (of which the latter does not sound like a reasonable option)
@StarBadAzz: very simple. and don't forget, your friend is complicit in this, whether or not she is blaming it all on her husband to be.
"i very much want to attend your wedding, and it breaks my heart that i will be unable to do so, but i just can't do that to my husband."
you don't need any "i hope you understand"s or apologies. this girl is just as much to blame.
Yeah, I would never leave my husband behind in that type of situation.
I agree with @Ms. Meowerson: and her suggestion on how to tell her.
Wasn't there a post that was similar to this one recently but the complete opposite? I.E. the bride wanted to invite her friend but not the friend's husband b/c they had dated previously? I believe the advice for that one was you invite them both or not at all. I think the same thing applies here, and I agree with the PP's.
Thanks everyone! I though I was being selfish for standing up for my husband. Now I do understand that I should not be to blame.
@StarBadAzz: I would not attend a destination wedding my husband wasn't able to attend. SOunds like because it s DW that you would be staying the night over somewhere (if not a couple nights) I don't think its realistic for your friend to ask you to go without your husband. If your friend wants you there then she needs to make it clear to her FI that he's being a douche.
I would tell her just as she wouldnt go against her fiance's wishes you will not be leaving your husband at home.
I agree with the pp
I wouldn't leave my husband. If it's truly all her Fiance then she will understand if you tell her you can't attend.
How about bring him on the trip but leave him out of the ceremony/ reception. It's your BFF, you should be there to support HER, screw him.
He cannot control who takes a vacation. He can control (or have a say) in who attends his wedding. Obviously you have to let your gf know this ahead of time.
Say I will come to the wedding but I am not travelling alone. Husband will be coming, however if he must miss the ceremony so be it. I think that's a workable and fair compramise.
Kind of reminds me of this thread:
http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/ex-boyfriendinvitation-dilemma
PS: I agree with the pp about sticking by your man
@vmec: i think this misses the point. if she were to do this, it would basically be saying that excluding her husband was acceptable.
I agree with the hive, although you have helped out with the planning, simply wish her the best but tell her with regrets you can't attend without your husband.
Considering you are now married I don't see how this friends fiance would think your husband is a threat. Like really grow up. So I agree with PP that you stand by your husband and tell her sorry but unless they change their mind you won't be attending the wedding.
@Ms. Meowerson: yea I do agree I want her FH to know that he can't control her friends, and that he needs to let the past stay there. Although I am debating if I should talk to the FH and see if we can work out a compromise. Oddly enough before all of the drama me and the FH were friends. now not so much..
There is no way I would attend without my husband.. and that is so wrong that it would even be considered.. I politely decline
@StarBadAzz: I wouldn't call your friend's FH. If it were me, I would make it clear to my friend that I would not be going without my FH/DH. (Like another PP said, no apologies or anything, because I think it's rude for them to do that.) Then if within a reasonable amount of time, they change their minds, I'd think about attending with my FH/DH.
Also, there will be someone attending our wedding that I don't want there but this person will be in attendance because it is important to my FH. And there will be someone attending our wedding that FH doesn't want to be there, but he will be coming because it is important to me. We make sacrifices in relationships, and your friend should be negotiating with her FH to make it so that your husband can attend-- not hoping that you'd go without your husband. I would be very offended by that.
@Ms. Meowerson: I don't. I think that's a reasonable compramise. The BFF can't make her groom invite the hubby. I mean she can try all she wants but this is the grooms thing, he's allowed to hate her ex's (even if he's married now).
And he isn't excluded in total. He's not coming to the ceremony, but he gets to vacation with his wife. That sounds alright to me.
Question for the OP: how does your hubby feel? Does he want to attend the wedding? IF he doesn't give a crap about the wedding, but wants to take a vacay- I think my suggestion sounds fab! If however he's pissed he's being excluded (which I'm not deneying is reasonable- I'd be pissed) I guess not attending at all would be the best choice.
Was just trying to give everyone a bit of what they wanted :)
I wouldn't go to a wedding without my husband. And her FI needs to get over it. You are really good friends with her and she used to date your DH. He needs to see that there is no problem.
That is so rude! I agree you should talk to your friend about this. I have a similar situation. My FI is still friends with a ex of his and I'm not really concerned but her boyfriend is super jealous and can't stand my FI. To me, its like "Hello! He's marring someone else!" I'm also go friends with an ex of mine and FI and him hand out a lot. Her FI needs to grow up.
@Baileyh: They went out on one date before I met either of them, and yes at first it did kinda bother me. But we became best friends through my husband as odd as that is. She was also my maid of honor at my wedding too. I think that if I'm mature enough that her FH should be too.
All the bees are so quick to jump down this poor fiances throat about being uncomfortable about having his fiances ex there...but maybe we should think about the scenario then and put our feet in his shoes.
My DH, his "best friend" married his one and only ex. And i am grown up and responsible, and kind and nice...but i dont like the situation one dang bit either way. Do I accept it..yes, did i invite her to the wedding...yes. But it was weird and i didnt like it..and i still dont. So maybe this fiance doesnt want to have to see his new wifes ex lover strolling around his wedding...i think thats fair! I have been there, and its not fun!
I suggest go with what vmec said....bring your hubby to mexico but leave him out of the wedding. Its there day and if thats the way they want it, then thats the way it should be. Why should a groom feel uncomfortable at his own wedding?
@StarBadAzz: ohh okay...well one date makes a difference. The groom should be a little more mature...but there is a part of me that understand where he is coming from...
@vmec: My husband would be offended considering that they have been friends for 7 years and I've known her for 3 years. He's always thought of her as his sister and this would crush him no to be able to attend. I wish I could just her FH to understand.
@Baileyh: I understand that the groom would be uncomfrontable but if I've been with my husband for 4 years. I don't understand what he think would happen if he was there... I also think one of the reasons that he does not like my husband is because the three of us do hangout alot and that probably is akward for him too.
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