Post # 1
Hey guys I have this delimma on my hands. I have a girlfriend that i have known for quite some time now. She’s nice and I do care about her but the thing is that she always wants to spend time wth me. I know what your thinking.. ” Oh how sweet why is this lady being so mean?” Well let me explain. I am 28 years old now and my fiance and I have very much become home bodys. We have our typical weeknight traditions. I am pregnant and am lucky enough to be a stay at home soon to be mommy so i clean the house, i make sure to do laundry, cook dinner and have everything ready by the time he gets home. Yes i have some time for myself and i really enjoy that time alone. Anywho, she is a friend that is sort of messing up in life. She has no job, no car, she always tries to borrow either money from us ( because my fiance has a good job and she thinks we’re rich but we are not ) always tries to basically mooch off us and it upsets me because my fiance works hard for us and i will not let her take advantage of his kindness ( he cant say no ) She also had 3 kids of her own that live with their grandparents in Georgia because something had happened where her boyfriend that fathered two of the children went to jail. So now she lives off this younger guy that she is dating, she does pills ( pain killers ) even though she thinks i don’t know. So she is a HUGE mooch. She always has been. And i really don’t care because i have my own life she can do her thing but she asked me last night if she could stay the night with us for like 3 days. Ok, first. Her parents live in the same town as us.. so of course like i would imagine any normal person would do; when you don’t have a place to stay where do you think you go? Your parents or a friends. I mean at ths age you would think your parents because lets face it; friends at our age have families, jobs, husbands, what have you. So i ask her, “aren’t you staying nights at your moms ( which is techncally your home ) or are you stayng with Jake ( her young bf ) She said ” well both but he’s going to be working for those days and i don’t want to be alone there. ” So now i don’t know what to do. I don’t want to sound like a bitch and say no because i guess it is only for 2 or 3 days but what the hell. He obviously comes home at night, cant he pick her up from her moms? I honesly know whats up and she doesn’t want to smother him since the kids is getting freaked out about a mom of 3 that doesn’t have her kids livng with him when hes only 21. But then go to your moms why are you coming here? You have a home. What should i do? How can i tell her whats up nicely because i see no way? Or what can i say to get her to just not keep trying yo spend the night like we’re in the damn 4th grade?! ahh help!
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC
Id let her stay like 1 night but tell her that you and fi need some alone time that week to reconnect and plan baby stuff. Hide all the pills in your house and wait it out …its one night.
Post # 4
Read this part again…
Anywho, she is a friend that is sort of messing up in life. She has no job, no car, she always tries to borrow either money from us ( because my fiance has a good job and she thinks we’re rich but we are not ) always tries to basically mooch off us and it upsets me because my fiance works hard for us and i will not let her take advantage of his kindness ( he cant say no ) She also had 3 kids of her own that live with their grandparents in Georgia because something had happened where her boyfriend that fathered two of the children went to jail. So now she lives off this younger guy that she is dating, she does pills ( pain killers ) even though she thinks i don’t know. So she is a HUGE mooch. She always has been
Ok, lets get this right…
Drug addict who has had her 3 Children removed from her and they all live with the GrandParents (his side), their Father is in Jail.
She has Parents in the same town as you… but wants to stay at yours.
This girl is an addict and not to be trusted.
She clearly has shown you WHO she is.
To even entertain this idea as a Pregnant Woman, leaves my jaw on the floor.
IF you feel you must be nice to her, socialize cause you “remember when” (Grade 4) then meet her somewhere for Coffee.
But she sure as H3LL wouldn’t be visiting my home or staying over.
Not now, probably not ever.
There are NO NICE WORDS to be said.
The ANSWER IS NO, NO, NO….
Sweetie, ya gotta grow a back bone… You are about to be a WIFE & MOTHER… you need to look out for the welfare of your family.
(( HUGS ))
Post # 5
Sometimes in life you just ‘outgrow’ your friends. I am afraid that she may be one of them!. Friends should be people that add enjoyment and furfilment to your life. You should share common interests. It sounds like this friend has become like a leech- and sucks your time, energy and money out of you and your relationship. This is one friendship that I would let go off. As you are getting married, you can always say that, that weekend you are going to FI parent’s place and won’t be home, or leaving town to do wedding planning/ dress shopping.
All the best to you!
Post # 6
@This Time Round: Exactly this.
A stable friend? Sure. But a friend with a drug habit, a reputation for mooching, and at least two other options? No. Too much chance for trouble.
Post # 7
@This Time Round: Thank you for your reply. You literally wrote what i am thinking and just am too much of a sweetheart to be the person to stand up and say no. It’s getting easier, I’m almost there!! Hearing what you said really makes a lot of sense ( and trust me i’ve been thinking it already ) sometimes i guess it just helps hearng someone else say it too. Thanks again. The back bone is getting stronger. i’m sure once this baby is here i will attack people to try and protect my family. She just still in my eyes seems so harmless to me but I can see how having someone like that in my life is NOT GOOD. I need to cut the cord with this one sadly.
Post # 8
@katepoppy: Thank you for your help and advice! You are right <3
Post # 9
@paula1248: See that’s how i have been thinking it like i told the other user that commented. I just need to sack up and say NO.
Post # 10
TO @sweetp813: glad I could help (be your inner voice)
Seriously this woman has a lot of issues… I mean really, think about it, she is the mother to 3 kids. If their Father is in jail, if she had her sh!t half together she’d have those kids. She doesn’t. Has to be a good reason for that. If the courts won’t even give her her own kids, I sure as H3LL wouldn’t want her around any of mine…
No time like the present to cut the strings…
Marriage changes things in many ways, and one of those ways is becoming a new social unit… you as a couple will leave old friends behind, and make new ones. This is the ideal time to “wean” her out of your circle.
Lol, as someone else said, just blame it on being A Bride… so much to do, so many details, busy, busy, busy… milk it for all you can if need be.
Post # 11
…why are you friends with this person? What do YOU get from this friendship? Is it just a pity friendship? (I’ve been guilty of those myself). If so, cut ties, you don’t need this stress in your life. Better to cut things now then try and keep her out of your house with your baby inside.
Edited for typos
Post # 12
Post # 13
She’s not your friend if she is taking advantage of you.
However, if you are a wuss like me, you love your friends unconditionally. Learn to love her from afar. You have a baby on the way… do you really want your child around her if she is acting like that? Set boundaries while you can. If you have to, let her stay one night and say you guys can do lunch another day if she is lonely and bored. Just tell her you are busy the other days. You don’t have to give an explanation.
Post # 14
“Oh god, I’m sorry, but our house is in chaos at the minute what with all the baby prep. Maybe another time?”
Post # 15
She’s your “best girlfriend” but you say these things? They may be true but if they are why is she your “best girlfriend”? I’m a bit confused on this
Post # 16
@sweetp813: wow~ that’s a tough situation because it’s your friend. However, I agree with the other bees… no no no. It seems cut throat and mean (and I’m a softy like you) but this seems like a toxic relationship. If she’s taking drugs and can’t take care of herself, don’t be that crutch for her. You’ll end up being her crutch forever. With a baby on the way and fiance to take care of, you don’t need another person to worry about. Plus, I don’t mean to assume but from what you posted about your friend’s personality, 2-3 days could turn into weeks if she feels comfortable there. It’s not like she doesn’t have any other option so don’t feel bad about it. Just kindly say you have a lot going on right now and it might be better for her to stay with her parents. Good luck!