Post # 1
Hi all, I’m feeling very conflicted. I was supportive of my fiance’s best man selection and always thought he was a nice guy. I have not had much contact with the best man apart from a few brief get togethers prior to our engagement.
We had an engagement dinner recently and during the dinner, his best man became drunk. He cornered me and started to make some personal insults and spoke about divorce and how much i would get if that were to happen to me. He proceeded to talk about how we had we could annul the marriage etc. This went on for a good 15mins. I was stunned and very hurt. As it had been an emotional day for me, I burst into tears in front of the guests.
My fiance was of course upset when he heard what had happened and confronted his best man who claims that he was drunk and had no recollection of what he said. He has a history of getting drunk and behaving badly.
His best man has since sent me a message to apologise for his behaviour. I am finding it hard to forgive him although we know that he had recently broken off his engagement and isnt in a good place. My fiance is considering whether to still have this person speak at our wedding.
What can I do as a supportive bride to my fiance? Should I suck it up and pretend nothing has happened and encourage my fiance to let him speak at our wedding knowing that there could be a possibility he become unruly and embarrass us in front of our guests?! Please help…
Post # 3
@blingthing: So sorry that this has happened to you -that really wasn’t fair at any time, let alone at the rehearsal!
I wouldn’t say you have to suck it up at all. I would say that you need you FI to have a serious chat with the best man, and perhaps suggest to him that should he still want to talk at the wedding then he will not be drinking at all (except 1 glass of champagne perhaps) before he gives his speech.
If your fiance is also considering whether the best man should now be a part of the wedding, then perhaps it would be best for both of you to exclude him from being a part of the wedding, and have him there instead as a guest. Does your FI have any idea who he would have as best man instead?
Post # 4
@blingthing: He’s proven he can’t be trusted to be appropriate. Keep him as Best Man, but ask someone else to make a toast. He’ll understand and, I’m sure, be embarrassed about it. Good luck!
Post # 5
@blingthing: He has a history of getting drunk and behaving badly.
I am assuming your FI knew this when he asked him to be the best man.
I suggest that your FI have a talk with him and ask him to refrain from drinking until after the dinner.
Post # 6
Really up to you and your fiance. Esp your fiance. Don’t feel bad, I was going to say that maybe you should find out why he would say such things but you answered it already, he broke off his own engagement. He wasn’t trying to intentionally sabotage anything or hurt your feelings on purpose. You said it yourself he wasn’t in a good place. What is a worry is him saying something embarrassing and inappropriate for his speeches. Your fiance can always ask him to step back from the speeches, he can explain that he moght not be in a good place to write one, and that he doesn’t want to ask him to do something uncomfortable considering where he is in his life. I agree with
@aekc: he can still be best man but he doesn’t have to be the one to make a speech. Why don’t you both make a speech to each other? do something different and uber romantic!