best man can't come :(

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

so sorry to hear.  is your FI in a position to help his friend out? either as a gift or a loan?

Post # 5
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

 I’d  be upset he waited until the last min to tell you guys he can’t come!  Things happen but he had to know sooner than the week  before.

Post # 6
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

That really sucks–can you guys afford to help him out?

Post # 7
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@teachernva:  Is it something you and your FI can loan him the money or offer him half the cost as a gift and loan the rest??

Post # 8
Member
868 posts
Busy bee

I’m sorry but I would not loan the groomsmen the money, how long has he known he was in the wedding party? he didnt anticipate costs associated with traveling to the wedding? Now 5 days before is when he suddenly realizes he does not have the money? Rude. I feel sorry for both of you guys. That is a really rude groomsmen. 

Post # 9
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Peachytalk:  +1

Don’t pay for him to come or loan him any money. Unless something recently happened to him to cause unexpected hardship (like an accident or family emergency), he has no excuse for this.

Being in a wedding – as in, standing for someone you truly love and care about – is an honor and the role should be taken seriously, especially the role of Best Man! It’s not as if he didn’t anticipate this. It just sounds like he didn’t allocate funds properly or save enough, and now he thinks it’s acceptable to bail. Sadly, it seems he just didn’t care enough to set aside enough money to attend and particpate in your wedding.

 

Post # 11
Member
3271 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

We’ve had groomsmen issues too..it is tough. My fiance had a bit of a meltdown after finding out that his best man, groomsman AND father are not coming. We never imagined it this way… I am so glad that your fiance was able to find someone to stand in. We did as well, but it’s still rough when you have that expectation and that vision of who will be with you on the day.

Post # 12
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@teachernva:   I’m semi relieved to hear that at least he has a legitimate reason for not having enough funds to attend. Like your fiance, however, I do think that if he felt your wedding was important enough he would find a way to be present – especially as Best Man.  Personally, I would need to be in a truly dire situation to bail on someone I loved on their wedding day. =/

Glad you guys are maintaining a positive attitude, though.  Good to hear someone else is stepping  up to the plate =)

Post # 13
Member
7400 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Wow you guys are harsh. The groomsmens wife is ill. Shouldn’t his first priority be his wife and family and not the OP’s wedding?

Sometimes it is not about how important they think your wedding is, it is about supporting their own family.

Post # 14
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@j_jaye:  A pressing medical issue is most certainly a valid reason to have to miss a wedding no matter who you are. All we were told was that it was a “medical situation.” I was simply saying that if it wasn’t a serious issue or if things were handled at this point, perhaps the Best Man could have considered further options for attending and assuming his role. But then again, I know how important my wedding day was to me and how much effort my loved ones put into being there to join me and support me; I would try my hardest to be there for someone I truly loved if I played such an integral role in their big day – assuming I/my family was not in a life or death situation.

Family and health without a doubt come first and foremost.

Post # 15
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@teachernva:  I would be super annoyed that he waited until the last minute to back out. As the best man he should have had his hotel and plane ticket purchased as soon as he knew the date, so even a last minute financial emergency shouldn’t have affected his ability to be there.  

 

Eta: Even from your update, I would still be annoyed. The reason he’s backing out last minute isn’t the medical issue, but the financial part of it. I stand by my opiniin, a close friend being bestman should be purchasing their ticket and hotel room as soon as they know the wedding date. Emergencies never happen when its convenient, and anyone that cares to be at your wedding will make their arrangements asap.

 

Post # 16
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@teachernva:  I wonder if your fiance is just hurt so he thinks that. Medical things are really scary and expesnive and I’m sure if you were hurt, your fiance would do the same thing and forego someone’s wedding over your health. 

What about you offering them the money and surprising your fiance with them coming? I know he feels down about it and thinks theyd come if they wanted, but it sounds like they really don’t think they can. I would honestly do whatever it takes – I’m sure it would mean the world to your fiance to see them on that day. Please just talk to them.  

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