Weddingbee boards

I have a potential quandry...

Basically, Mr. Burgundy has two best friends, and rather than decide between them, he has decided to make them both best men, which I think is really cute. Because we are totally into the symmetry thing, I am going to have two Maids of Honor as a result. He hasn't told his best men yet (was supposed to tell them last night but something came up) and wants to wait to tell them in person, as one lives out of town. I already told my maids of honor who they are and they are super excited about it.

The trouble is, one of the people who is supposed to be a best man this morning (who is a dear friend and while he doesn't know yet that he is a best man, he knows it's SUPER IMPORTANT to make it to the wedding) called me and informed me that he *may* be shipped out with the Peace Corps early next year, about two months before our wedding and if that happens, he may not be able to attend the wedding. He's still in like the 2nd or 3rd application round for the peace corps, but they've told him it's a definite possibility and it's something he really wants to do.

So...a couple problems here. If he can't make it to the wedding, we'll be left with one best man and two MOHs which is not really my preference or his. I already went through the awkwardness of switching a bridesmaid up to a second MOH and I think it would be really embarrassing to switch her back. Mr. Burgundy will be pretty devastated if his bff can't make it to the wedding, but we're on the verge of booking our venue and it books up really far in advance, so I don't know how likely it is that we could make it before his departure and avoid bad winter weather in our location. Help!

Yeah, we'll still tell him that we want him as our best man, but I'm so torn! I hate how it might become an "us or them" type of situation, with him having to decide whether being in the peace corps is more important to him or being in our wedding is.

Well yeah, you guys don't take it the wrong way, I'm not saying he shouldn't be in the peace corps! (Actually I've been his biggest advocate of joining it...) but he's just the type of person who would consider not doing it so he could be with us on our special day. So there isn't a whole lot I can really do about his thoughts on that aside from encourage him to go, which is something I'm already doing.

No, it's not really like that... I mean obviously we both do really want him there, but I'm not going to tell him to not join the peace corps just so he can be at our wedding! I'm not that selfish and I truly think the peace corps is a super great and exciting opportunity for him! I'll admit that if he ends up deciding not to go for OTHER life reasons that do not at all involve me, Mr. Burgundy or our wedding or ends up pushing it off that some part of me would be a teensy bit pleased that he could make it (although disappointed at the same time that he did not choose to partake in the wonderful opportunity that is the peace corps), but I would definitely not want us nor our wedding to be any kind of deciding factor for him to go or not to go. (In case you couldn't tell, he's a super close friend of both of ours, so I want him there as bad as Mr. Burgundy wants him there).

It seems like a really nitpicky and superficial thing, but yes, it's really important to us that we have symmetry and that numbers are even. Although, if best man 1 ends up going to the peace corps and ends up not being able to make the wedding, I think Miss Chocolate Chip's idea of still making him our best man and doing three walking down the aisle with best man 2 and the MOHs is ok, but even my MOHs don't like the idea of having any asymmetry in the wedding.

@Crash- it's a good idea, although the two best men and my fiance are all best friends and sorta end up being a package deal. So even if Mr. B tells him "Don't worry, we'll still have BM2 as a best man at our wedding" I know peace corps guy is still going to feel really crappy about it. I don't think there's any way around it. Thanks for the thought though!

@quiche- That is a wonderful idea. It would make me feel a little better about the whole situation if we could still find a way to make him involved and show that we would have loved to have him there, without taking the focus off of us. Like lovelerae, it's more important that Mr. B and I focus on each other at the wedding, but peace corps guy is like...almost as important as having my parents there (or so we feel).

@dorsay- That's a great suggestion! Thanks for posting it, I feel a lot better after you said that:)

@Liz.smith- Yeah...considering the fact that FH and FFIL do NOT get along well (and FFIL is the type who would become a "Dadzilla" in Miss Kitten's words, given the opportunity to participate in the wedding) this is definitely a no go.

I'm considering seeing if my older brother can step in as a best man/groomsman. FH has known him since they were in the 7th grade, and, well, he's my brother!

I have to add that I feel ridiculously awful posting about this thread. It was really sweet (and entirely unnecessary) of peace corps guy to tell me as soon as he found out this morning that he's a potential candidate and then tell me that he might not be able to make our wedding because of his potential departure date at a time when he really should be thinking about himself and not us! But I just started freaking out because he's such a good friend and we really want to show him that his friendship means so much to both our lives by having him in our wedding. And, if he can't make it, we want to make sure everything looks like it's smooth without him and there isn't a gaping hole in a day that should be about Mr. B and I! So thanks for all your suggestions, everyone.

@Tanya123- we don't have any clue as to when he'll be accepted. Er...your dates and location are a little off. Right now we are planning our wedding to be a May 2010 affair, so that we can enjoy the spring weather in Yosemite, our destination (=/= San Francisco). We would really rather avoid extreme weather seasons, which is why we're not having the wedding in the summer (too hot!!) or winter (snowy!!). Which leaves...this fall. The hotel we are having it at in Yosemite books a year in advance, so I can check for cancellations but it's pretty unlikely we'd be able to get in for this fall, not to mention it's sort of crazy to push it forward by so much! We do really want him to be involved though, so I suppose it's an option...

My brother actually had a situation where they found out one of his groomsmen couldn't come about 3 weeks before the wedding. The GM were already standing up front at the beginning of the wedding, and the BM walked down the aisle one by one, so there was no asymmetry there. However,  at the end of the wedding after the bride and groom walked out, the BM and the MOH came to the center of the church, and started their walk together. Then, the BM and GM linked up one by one in the center of the church.

What the guests didn't realize is that the usher, who was my cousin, sat at the front of the church, and he snuck up and stood at the end of the groomsmen line. So when i got to the center of the church (I was the last bridesmaid), my cousin/the usher was there and we walked out together. It worked perfect!

So maybe just get creative... there's a lot of ways to make it work! 

I think you should go ahead with what you have planned, keeping in mind that maybe he will not be able to be at your wedding. I worked with a guy who joined the Peace Corps a few years ago & when he left we all had to fill in for his position but it was such an amazing thing for him to do we were all more than happy to do it.
I agree with Miss Chocolate Chip that if he is not able to be there it would be cool to have your MOH's walk together with the BM who is there,
If he finds out he gets into the PC and cannot be at your wedding how about asking him to write down whatever he would say if he could be there in person for his best man speech & then having maybe the other best man read that (as well as his own words) at your wedding.

Thanks, happilywaiting. I know that things aren't set in stone yet with his peace corps stuff but you provided some great suggestions for ways to still include him. The news hit me like a ton of bricks this morning and I was in such a panic! Still though, he's going for a super good cause so I can't complain...