(Closed) Best Man does not like me…..

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
43 posts
  • Wedding: September 2012

You can’t be friends with everyone. 

I say that, but I’m even worse…I MUST be liked by EVERYONE lol!

There’s going to be a lot more that you’ll deal with, so this one should be really easy to let go.  Maybe he’ll come around after the marriage, maybe not.  It won’t change anything about how you feel about your husband. 


Just continue what you’ve been doing.  Being a gracious host, even to those that you know don’t like you.  That’s the best you can probably do.  

I’d say, no more emails to him tho…

Post # 5
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MrsHoneyC:  I think the Bridesmaid or Best Man made that excuse up becuase he’s either jealous his friend has found his life partner OR he likes you himself. Would those two ideas be plausible?

Post # 6
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Chalk it up to him being childish! I get very “Grrrr why don’t you like me you have no reason!” as well. But ultimately that ends up stressing me out much more than the person who doesn’t like me. Don’t give him the power to make you feel bad. You were the adult, you tried, he can either get over it or continue to be rude. Either way, it doesn’t have to affect you.

Post # 7
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This is his issue….let it go. You’ve done all you can to make things better. sounds like he wants to keep things as they are. So let him. But don’t for a minute let it ruin your day x

Post # 8
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

idk, if it were me I would maybe try and reach out to him and try to make amends. I would prefer it if my husband’s best friend could at least be civil with me when we’re around each other. That said if you reach out and he doesn’t respond well, just let it go. It’s his problem, not yours.

If I was your Fiance, I would be kind of tentative about having this person be my best man when he clearly doesn’t support the union, 10 year friendship or not. That is up to your Fiance though.

Post # 9
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I second LuvMySailor. I wasn’t even halfway through your post when I though – Oh, he’s jealous, he likes her.

You did a lovely thing by sending that note to him, and even if he didn’t respond, I’m sure it meant a lot to him. 

Post # 10
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I don’t understand how he is best man. I would have a hard time keeping my best friend as a bestie if she wouldn’t even speak to my Fiance. What kind of friend is that?! I feel horrible that you will have a heavy heart about this situation on your weddingsay and it is not fair to you. If I were in your shoes I would say something along the lines of this to my Fiance


” I know you love Bob and he is your best friend, because he is important to you I really would like to have a relationship with him but he refuses to even speak to me. I am willing to do whatever it takes to be in good place with him so we can all get along. but if he refuses to speak to me I feel very uncomfortable that he will be standing at our altar, i believe your best man at our wedding should be there for you, but also supportive of our marriage. We are going to spend the rest of our lives together and if this is your best friend for life then we need to solve this issue. I would like you to discuss this with Bob and stand up for me and for us. Can’t you do this for me so that I don’t have to feel like the best man hates me during the happiest day of my life?”

I really feel your Fiance needs to intervene here. As for what you said, were you all drinking? Maybe he doesn’t even remember exactly what you said but only that it was hurtful which is why he won’t tell you….

Post # 11
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@MrsHoneyC:  He probably saw how serious you and your Fiance were getting, and decided he didn’t like “losing” his best friend. It’s not anything you can change really, but I commend you for trying to bridge the gap. Let the chips fall where they may and try to live your life to the best of your abilities without stressing about him. 

Post # 12
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Is it possible he didn’t get your email or didn’t read it? Even if he did, maybe he’s not the type to sit down and talk about feelings. At the end of the day, even if you did say something a long time ago that was offensive, he should be able to get over it by now. You apologized, extended an olive branch, did the best you could to smooth things over. It’s up to him to get past it, or not. Just have peace knowing you did what you could.

Post # 13
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Yeah I think he likes you….awkward, but really it’s his issue…hopefully he starts dating someone soon….

Post # 14
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Missloveknot:  I agree!

When my Fiance was discussing best man options, (and there was one he was considering that didn’t speak to me, etc), I told Fiance that the best man needs to be someone that if Fiance is doing something that I do not understand I can go to the best man and get some honest advice. That the best man knows Fiance really well but also that we have a relationship. 

I do not know if it is too late but it might be worth having a serious conversation with your Fiance about this

Post # 16
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It’s a tricky one because as much as generally the grooms best man is usually his best friend or someone he’s hugely close to, it’s usually also someone who supports the relationship/marriage as well. It doesn’t sound like he was the ideal choice for this role imo.

It sounds like you’ve done all you can by trying to reach out to him. He sounds a little petty tbh and it may be less about his music taste and more about jealousy that you’re “stealing” his best friend.

It’s not your fault though, and feel good in yourself for making the effort with him in a mature way.

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