- 5 years ago
I’ve done my best to research this situation but there are always going to be scenarios different than your own. I hope someone here has some sage like advice, because at the moment I can’t help but feel like i’ve stuck myself in a hole too deep.
Short of it is, my girlfriend wasn’t invited to my best friend’s wedding. I was chosen to be the best man and subsequently told that my girlfriend wasn’t on the invite list.
The long story is, my girlfriend doesn’t fit into the category of +1. We’ve been together for a while, live together here and there (we have our own apartments but she has been a mainstay in my own for some time) and she also knows my best friend and his fiancee (from more than just a couple of visits)
The problem is, they didn’t really ever get off to a good start. For starters, my girlfriend gets a bit awkward and snarky at the same time, so when she does say something amidst strangers it can sometimes be classified as rude, etc.
On the other end, my best friend’s fiancee didn’t really put her best foot foward either. When we’d go out she might have thrown tantrums, left the scene without so much as an apology afterward, is genenerally deemed ‘bitchy’, a trait she and her fiance are aware of.
However, the relationship between my girlfriend and best friend is somewhere in between. He too feels she can be a little too snarky, but both have gone out of their way to help each other (long rides home, she has helped him with some personal legal issues) Are they the best of friends? Not at all. Have the two of them always been cordial? Yes and probably more so. The bigger issue in my opinion seems to be the clashing of the couple vs. my girlfriend and their personalities.
I don’t think either of them are wrong, or right. I understand where both are coming from but wish that both would see that these decisions (and my inability to handle them) could very well break everyone up.
The twist comes now. I kept this fact from my girlfriend for roughly 3 weeks or so, in a state of panic and inaction, because I hoped I could some how smooth things over. I know my girlfriend is a good person, i’m aware that she has gone out of her way to help him on the strength of my relationship with him. I also know he feels like she could have been nicer, and that through timing and whatever else, no one really hit it off.
My girlfriend’s reaction when I did tell her was of disbelief, because of course every story has 2 sides and she doesnt see what she did wrong, albeit knowing of her personality. She was offended that she wasn’t invited, but moreso that I didn’t fight for her (which I can say I did, but she doesn’t agree with my methods [again, everyone is entitled]) She is offended because she knows she has done things that should have justified an invite, (on the terms that i’m the best man, not otherwise)
my friend doesnt seem to think his decision was JUST his decision. between my not communicating to my Girlfriend of how they perceived her, and her actions, he feels like everyone could have prevented this (but of course, didn’t)
Now i’m faced with a big decision. Do I go to this wedding? It’s only a months time away, and I haven’t said no, although I haven’t said yes exactly either.
It’s been a big point of contention between both parties (and rightfully so) and I know that my lack of and miscommunication didn’t make anything better, but that I also had both parties in mind when I thought long and hard about this (yes, 3 weeks)
On one hand I wish I could tell them both to go screw themselves, but I know that’s not what I really want.
My girlfriend is too offended to even consider talking with him (or them), but I wish the two parties could air their greivances and let the other know exactly how they feel. Of course this is extremely idealistic, but I don’t know what else could possibly happen.
As it is, my girlfriend is extremely annoyed at me, and it comes in waves. I wish she would understand where I was in the middle of this, but considering my approach perhaps I’m getting what i deserve.
I need to fix this somehow, and there are so many factors at this point that I’m just not sure where to start.
I’m sure I’ve forgotten SOMETHING along the way, and I would be happy to clarify the situation. I’m trying to not defend myself at all in this case, so if at any point in my story i feel like i’m erring towards my girlfriend’s or BF’s opinion on the matter, I probably am. I’ve never been dealt a curve ball like this and I’m completely at loss for what to do.