(Closed) Best man is an A** !!!!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

I think you should let it go. The BM’s behavior would annoy me too, but you don’t need to manage your fiances friendships.

Post # 4
Member
235 posts
Helper bee

He’s not even being a BM! Although I am like you and would love to speak my mind it is your FI best man and his friend and I feel he should deal with it. If he doesn’t deal with it and BM continues to not respond it will have to be up to his other GM to handle everything, which defeats the purpose of being the BM.. Have you ever met his wife? Sometimes men are just bad and setting up dinners, etc. Maybe you could call his wife and try to plan something?

Post # 5
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Omg I’d be such a jerk to him forever!  Not that that’s mature or anything.  I know that it should be your FI’s responsibility to speak to his friend so I’d try my hardest to restrain myself.  If you don’t here from him by July and your FI hasn’t done more than leaving nice voicemails, then I’d say you should take out the big guns!

Post # 7
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Eh, I wouldn’t meddle in your FI’s friendships unless you are close enough with this guy. My FI has a groomsman who is a total f**king assface and I hate him and want to tell him to go find a hole to crawl into and die, but I bite my tongue cause it’s not my place to tell him to f**k off forever and get out of our wedding. Do I wish FI would do it? Yes. But he won’t even though he wants to – at least not until after the wedding.

Post # 8
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It’s really up to your FI.  Sure, it is annoying that you have extended freindship many times and they have regected it, but it is up to your FI to decided who is his BM.  Talk with your FI and see why he thinks the behavior is ok, maybe thier relationship is more of a “only there for the big things in life” relationship. 

Post # 9
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

FI’s friend, so FI’s call on how to handle that relationship.  Even if/when BM disregards you, it’s FI’s call.  I’d say, just get someone else to do the usual BM duties, another groomsman or relative.  Then, you’ll have the wedding in hand & FI can take up the situation with his BM without having the wedding as a deadline. 

Post # 11
Member
571 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would do your best to let it go.  Your wedding is 3 months away, which I am sure to your absent BM seems like a really long time, so he probably has no idea what you would need to discuss with him anyway. 

I like my FI’s BM, but I would never want to have to deal with him planning anything or have to have dinner with him to talk about “the wedding.”  He ordered his tux by the deadline and he booked his plane ticket for the right days to get out here for our wedding.  That is about all I would ever expect from him. 

This wedding is a big thing in your life, and in your FI’s life, but not really a big thing for his BM. 

Post # 13
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

I agree with the people who said to let your FI handle everything with him…BUT I feel you do get a say since the wedding is approaching, I’d be concerned about the Best Man not coming through for the wedding duties. So I would want my FI to say something to make sure he’s “On Board” and going to be there for all of you. He sounds like a real treat…good luck!!!

Post # 14
Member
571 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Bee Bee– If your FI is feeling hurt and unsupported by BM’s actions, then I can see a real cause for concern with his BM choice. 

 

I guess I am coming from the perspective of my FI and his BM’s relationship.  They talk fairly infrequently (he lives several states away), and it doesn’t seem like they ever talk about anything related to the wedding.  I can barely get my FI to talk with me about wedding details, so he and his BM are certainly not talking about it!

Post # 16
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

BeeBee….I think if your FI is as fed up as you are, maybe he should have “the talk” with BMs voicemail (seeing as how he probably won’t actually answer the phone). FI should tell voicemail that while all is good in friendship-land, your wedding is coming up and if BM doesn’t feel that he has the time for wedding related tasks, then he has the option of stepping down “if its easier for him”. I think making the conversation about HIM (BM) and not about BeeBee’s feelings or the wedding may be the key to the conversation.

Idk though. Sorry….  🙁

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