Best man…not the best, sorry this is long…

posted 3 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 2
Member
5222 posts
Bee Keeper

jhilliard:  That’s a tough situation. At the end of the day, the wedding is about you + your FI. The fact that he can tell you to “fuck off”, and your FI still want him in the wedding party, is a little strange. Sometimes you have to move on in life without important people, because those important people become toxic and negative. It doesn’t make them a bad person, but you place more value on other people and their influence on your life. Talk to your FI about this, it is time he is the one that mans up and decides how he feels about his best friend disrespecting his future wife and mother of his children. THAT would be my concern at this point.

Post # 3
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee

jhilliard:  I am glad you and FI worked things out, that is most important.

But honestly, i would be REALLY upset if my SO allowed his friend to talk to me in that way and tell me to “F off”. I cant imagine SO making ME go apologize for trying to clear the air.

Has your FI also been pushing N to talk to you? If not, what is going to be different this time? You will try to apologize and talk and he will be rude and cuss at you. 

I think your FI needs to grow a back bone and put his friend in his place. I am sorry if that is a little harsh, but i would literally be so outraged at his behavior (on top of all the other drama he has). However, if you are going to be the bigger person here, then you can try to make amends for you FI, Perhaps with him present to kind of smooth the water?

Post # 7
Member
2833 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I will be DARNED if anybody (best friend or not) is going to curse at me and my husband is going to refrain from immediately jumping down said person’s throat. Your fiance knows that his friend cussed you out and tried to suggest that you were in some way inappropriate? And then now he wants you to be present while he makes things right with the man who swore at the mother of his children? Yeah…I hope you’re absolutely certain what you’re getting into. He doesn’t sound very mature. 

Post # 9
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

I would tell him that if N has a problem with you two getting married, he shouldn’t be the BM. He has said that he hates you, you’re controlling, and he’s sworn at you. that’s three strikes, you’re out. N’s reaction to A softly putting him in his place (saying that it’s not acceptable… an understatement) is to pout and quit? let him. Tell A that since N can’t support him in his love for you, he’s not a true friend. Tell A that disrespecting you by following N’s lead (a man who has disrespected you and underminded your entire relationship) is not acceptable either and that blaming you for trying to make peace is immature and absurd. I know that giving the “it’s him or me” ultimatum is bad, but i’d be tempted in your situation. if A is going to continue to be swayed and corrupted by such a pathetic excuse for a grown man, i’d rather know sooner than later. I’d say “I love you, I want to spend the rest of our lives together, and i cherish what we have, but i’m very concerned about how N’s friendship will affect our relationship. I need a man i can trust to be there. I need a man that has my back and will support and protect me. I need a man who puts being a husband and a father first. The way that you’ve handled the N situation has made me feel very alone. I’m not trying to be the enemy, but i do need to know if you can be that man for me regardless of what N’s plans are.” 

FYI, my BF’s best friend is cut from the same cloth as N. I HOPE that if/when we get engaged, I won’t have to deal with this situation (but unfortunately i think i will). good luck! and let me know how it turns out. 

 

Oh, and I almost forgot. I would go with A to talk to N. Worst case scenario, N is a rude jerk and A can have no more excuses for protecting his behavior. Best case scenario, N comes around and tries to be a better man. Either way, you’ll be supporting A when N didn’t and that will count for something. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  romantic-at-heart. Reason: typo... oops!
Post # 11
Member
7410 posts
Busy Beekeeper

jhilliard:  Whilst N should not have sworn at you if I read your OP right you are the one who confronted him not the other way around.

At the end of the day N can act anyway he pleases. I think it is extremely unfair to N that you are blaming your FI’s behaviour on him. Your FI acts the way he does because he wants to.

Your problem is not N it is your FI and his actions.

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