Best man offended me. Wwyd

posted 3 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d confront FI. The problem isn’t the best man, the problem is your FI didn’t rip shreds off him in response.

Post # 4
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

First of all, I would automatically assume that was a comment about your weight. 

Second, people make stupid jokes all the time. Like Paula said, the bigger problem is that your FI didn’t tell him that wasn’t ok. 

Post # 6
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

First things first – People will NOT be taking the piss out of you on your wedding day. You will look beautiful and you will marry the man you love in front of loving people.

Also – it’s time to get a new best man.

Post # 8
Member
7279 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s a harmless joke. 

Post # 9
Member
7397 posts
Busy Beekeeper

That was a private conversation between two adults. Like when you have a private conversation with your friends. How would you feel if someone snooped on that and got all butt hurt because they read something that was not meant for them?

Was it a nice thing to say- no way but peple say all kinds of thing in confidence everyday. I am sure even you have done it at some point.

Just brush it off as at the end of the day as long as you are happy with yourself it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.

 

 

Post # 11
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

FI, myself, and our friends constantly pick on each other, so since you’re offended I’m assuming that you don’t have this kinda of relationship. Granted we don’t pick on each other over things that would be hurtful (like weight if it’s a sensitive issue). 

Honestly if I saw that on my FI phone I wouldn’t have a problem. Heck, I would expect him to say something insulting back and then move on. It seems lighthearted enough that he didn’t mean for it to be hurtful, and honestly my first thoughts didn’t have anything to do with weight. If it’s really bothering you talk to your husband, but I think you should calm down a little bit first.

 

Post # 12
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@j_jaye:  I’ve been thinking about your comment and in the end I have to disagree.

This isn’t a conversation between ANY two people (if it had been between the FI’s Dad and the FI’s Mum – then I would agree with you) it was with her FI. 

If you allow someone to insult your SO in front of you then you are being completely disrespectful. You know how we say that kids who see bullying but do nothing are just as bad as the bully? Well by saying nothing her SO has silently agreed with the best man. He has said “I see you disrespecting my future wife and I see you disrespecting her in front of me which in turn, suggests that our relationship is not important and therefore not worthy of respect, but I am going to do nothing about this.”

The best man is meant to stand up and support the marriage and respect it, to give advice down the road if the groom needs it. You should not have someone standing up there who thinks it’s ok to disrespect the bride and the relationship (by saying it TO the FI). 

Post # 13
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Mrsdickinson:  Yeah, I would be more mad at the FI. And I have been in this position. My FI was watching TV with his good friend and a skinny girl was on tv so of course the friend had to throw in some comments about her being hot and my FI, bf at the time, said she was too skinny and his friend made a comment about my weight and my FI liking girls with meat. I’m a size 10, 150 pounds and 5’4”. By no means am I skinny and were I heavier it wouldn’t warrant a comment either. My FI didn’t do anything. I was PISSED. It kind of bothered me what his friend said, especially since he isn’t one to talk about a figure, but I was definitely more bothered by my FI not saying anything to him. But guys can be stupid so I let it go. Personally, I would never let a girlfriend of mine say something negative about my FI’s appearance, and I expect the same from my FI but it’s just not always the case. Guys grow up talking about girls figures. It’s a bummer and you should definitely let your FI know it bothered you, but don’t hold onto it. If he’s marrying you, he obviously loves you and his best man is a tool.

Post # 14
Member
640 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

This reminds me of a quote, I think it’s from Deepak Chopra or Paulo Coelho “What other people think of you is none of your business”

Sticky situation. Maybe your FI just ignored it as to not start something at this point in your wedding planning process? But yeah, I’d be hoping that my man would stick up for me.

Post # 15
Member
7279 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree it was a private convo that you werent invited into. I joke w my friends all the time. his intent isn’t clear to you because it wasn’t meant for you. 

Post # 16
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@Mrsdickinson:  Are you really into horses OP?

If so and you did buy a PONY and not a horse (and therefore an adult shouldn’t ride on it, no matter their weight), then the comment would make sense in a non-harmful way. 

BUT, if it was meant in a harmful way then ideally yes, your FI should have blown up about it. But if this is the first time he’s ever faced a situation like this then it’s possible that he was just stunned and didn’t know what to do so he ignored it. 

Just calmly bring up that you saw the messages when you turned off his alarm and talk about how you would BOTH like the situation to be handled next time. Also talk about how you would like him to handle the current situation. 

 

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