Post # 1
My fiance’s 20 year old brother is his best man. Best man is currently single. This morning he texted my FI saying he wants to bring one of his guy friends as his “date” so he “won’t be bored during the wedding.” The issue I see with this is that since he’s the best man, of course he will be busy all day with wedding-related things – and then during the dinner, he will be sitting with us at the head table. This friend he wants to bring would not know anyone else at the wedding, so I feel like the friend would be bored all night sitting at a table with a bunch of strangers until the dance starts when he can finally hang out with the best man. Best man will obviously know tons of people at the wedding (family and our friends), so it’s not like he’d be lonely without a “date.” For what it’s worth, FI’s sister (one of my bridesmaids) is also currently single and has not asked to bring a date. She, too, will know plenty of people, and said she doesn’t need a date to have fun. If best man had a girlfriend or even a girl he was casually dating, I would be fine with him bringing her, but for some reason I feel like it’s so immature and dumb to need a guy friend there to keep him from “being bored.” I mean, this is his brother’s wedding, for f’s sake!
(Sorry for that wall of text.)
For some reason, this request irritates me and I want to say no – but admittedly, I am in the middle of a bunch of other RSVP drama, so my temper fuse is quite short. I don’t want to react irrationally or be unfair to my future brother-in-law, so I’d love some feedback.
Thanks in advance!
Post # 3
Whether it’s a girl that doesn’t know anyone or a guy that doesn’t know anyone, it doesn’t change much. The bridal party should always get a +1, in my opinion.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t have a problem with bringing a date, but I think that since the best man IS family that the friend will actually end up being bored. I don’t think your BIL realizes how him involved he really will be since he is immediate family. My opinion is tell him no
Post # 5
If you feel like you can’t say no, you could say yes, but express to him all of those concerns – “won’t your friend be bored?” “he won’t get to sit with you for the majority of the time – I’m not sure it would be worth it for him to come” – perhaps something like that, and maybe he will decide against it on his own…
Post # 6
I think it’s kind of weird. But if you can spare the cost and space, it’s not the end of the world. If you don’t want to pay it though (or can’t), there’s nothing wrong with saying that he can’t bring a friend to your wedding.
Post # 7
I agree it does seem pretty immature of him to need a friend there to keep from being bored, but in the end, I would just give him the plus one to bring whoever he wants to and it is not your problem if the friend is bored.
Post # 8
@LiliKitty: I totally agree that the bridal party should get a +1, but I guess I feel like it should be an actual date, not just a buddy to hang out with. Like if one of my bridesmaids wanted to bring a girl friend, I wouldn’t like that, either.
I am thinking that maybe the best man could tell his buddy to join him at the dance? I would be totally okay with that. I hate to sound callous, but I don’t really see the need to pay for an expensive meal just for his friend to be bored and feel awkward, counting down the minutes until the dance starts…
Post # 9
I personally would not have a problem with it. Then again, I do have several family members and friends who are gay – which is what most folks will assume – and there is nothing wrong with that.
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Did he get a plus one on his invite? If not, then I would say no. Why would you want to entertain (i.e. pay for) some random person at your wedding? I guess the key question is whether you would say yes if his friend was of the girlfriend variety. I don’t know that the bridal party automatically gets a plus one. I know that when my friend served as a groomsman for his sister’s wedding he did not get a plus one because he didn’t have a girlfriend at the time. He didn’t seem like he was bored at his sister’s wedding at all.
P.S. Is his “friend” really a boyfriend? That would change my opinion only if you are allowing plus ones for significant others and not allowing him to bring the guy is some sort of comment on their relationship.
Post # 11
There was another post similar to this recently, where I think the groom’s brother and sister-in-law wanted to bring another (uninvited) married couple as their guests. That was a real head scratcher. With your FI’s brother it’s a little more undestandable since he’s single, but I still think it’s an odd idea for the reasons you pointed out. When I was that age and single and attending family weddings, I never thought, gee I’d really have more fun if I could bring a friend who won’t know anyone but me! I can’t even imagine why the +1 would want to attend the wedding.
I have a single (female) friend who’s bringing a (female) friend of hers to my wedding, but a) she will only know a couple of people at the wedding, b) she has to travel to the wedding and c) she recently went through a very tough breakup and I was planning to invite her ex, so I told her she was welcome to bring anyone she wanted. So I have no problem with the general idea but in this case it seems pretty strange.
Edit: I also wondered whether it’s possible the friend is really a boyfriend.
Post # 12
I don’t think it’s weird for a 20-year-old to want to bring a pal to the wedding; these are your friends, not his, and while he will know lots of the family members, no 20-year-old wants to hang out with mom and grandma on a Saturday evening. It’s just not their idea of fun. I’d allow him to bring his pal, and seat the pal with the rest of the bridal party for dinner (you should seat ALL of the dates of the bridal party with the bridal party, period). Also maybe find something for the friend to do, like help as an usher. Truth be told, once the ceremony is done and the photos are finished, the best man doesn’t have any responsibilites or stuff to do (except if he’s making a toast but that’s what, 2 minutes?) so it’s not like the friend will be left drifting all alone. Also if you let your best man know that you might put his friend to work, it’s really nice to have an extra set of hands that isn’t in the bridal party.
Post # 13
I feel like such a bitch for not being easygoing and saying, “Sure, of course! Bring him!” But I just feel like it’s so unnecessary and his friend will be bored. Although, as @PookyShoes said, it’s not really my problem if he’s bored. I guess I am just picturing this friend being at a table with a bunch of our friends who all know each other, and being the awkward/bored one. Maybe I could seat him at an aunt/uncle/cousin table.
Ugh, I hate feeling like a bridezilla. My FI says he doesn’t see a problem with it, so maybe I should just go with the flow.
Post # 14
This is the reason why I don’t like headtables when the bridal party member and their date are split up for dinner.
Let him bring a date. I’m allowing my friend, who isnt in the wedding party, to bring a girl friend because she isnt currently dating anyone. She’ll know other people there, but who wants to travel alone to a wedding when you can bring a friend?
Post # 15
@fishbone: He really does know a bunch of our friends, though, including the other groomsmen. He has known these guys for years, as well as a bunch of our other friends, and really bonded with them at the bachelor party. He would not be hanging out with grandma during the reception; he would be with our friends (who he knows and loves, and they love him), his cousins, his sister, etc. partying.
Also, I’m sorry, but why the heck would I make this random friend an usher???
Post # 16
@Bostongrl25: Our bridal party is not split from their dates at the head table. Dates are sitting with us, but it has worked out that anyone who is bringing a date is in a serious relationship, and the single bridal party people don’t want to bring dates. So this guy friend thing is kind of throwing a kink into that.