Post # 1
I know there have been plenty of threads on here about bachelor parties. I have the standard issues with the stripper elements of the night, but have spoken with my FI about them. While he wants that to still be a part of his night, he is under the assumption that it is a very very small part, and that his friends will be respecting his instructions regarding raunchiness and limits agreed upon by both him and myself so that he still has a marriage to come home to. Problem is the best man is planning on strippers in a hotel room- willing to do lesbian action for the guys and whipped cream bikinis, etc…While I have no doubt my guy will walk away as promised, I hate that he is being put in that situation. I do in fact want him to enjoy his bachelor party, and not have to walk out on it. At this point, I have these issues and others with the disgusting best man, and honestly, I dont want him to be a best man. He is not respecting my FI, me, or our relationship. Why would i want him standing up for our marriage? The BM has blatantly told another groomsman if my FI wont lick the girl, then he’ll just have to step in and take one for the team. This jerk seems to think my FIs fun night is more about him than my FI. Meanwhile, I am not supposed to be privy to any of this, so I feel like I have to sit around and wait for these plans to play out over the next month and a half and it makes me sick to my stomach, naseaous, and on the verge of constantly crying. How am I supposed to deal?
Post # 3
You are very right in your feelings of disrespect from the best man. It is rediculous that he is being so selfish in a time that is supposed to be about your unity as a couple! I would sit down with your FI and discuss your true feelings with him. While it is perfectly acceptable for your FI to want a night with his guys before he gets married.. it should be a celebration of this step in his life, not something that could possibly hinder it! I believe that the bachelor party should never involve elements that your FI wasnt accustomed to doing before the engagement!
Tell you FI your true worries and insecurities about the party.. explain to him how it could possibly ruin your feelings for the wedding and how, even though you completely trust him.. you feel that a party that includes strippers (especially this kind) is disrespectful to you and you cant accept it.
In fairness to you, this is the biggest step in your life and you should enter it with true feelings of security and love.. not anger and frustration, right?
Your FI should respect your feelings and insist there not be strippers, or at least hotel strippers at his party.
Post # 4
Last year, my now fiance went to a bachelor party, and this year, the groomsmen are in the midst of planning his. Having survived one bach party and with another pending, I must admit, I lost my mind last year. I was horrified by the prospects and had terrible visions of wild orgies and prostitutes and strippers and terribleness, despite the fact that my HTB is a wonderful and devoted man. I think you need to take a step back from this and take a very deep breath.
The reality of the situation is that those dirty parties are very short lived and comprise a tiny tiny portion of the weekend away.The men actually spend a great deal of time running around like kids. It’s a boys weekend where they act like children. Let’s be honest, those girls won’t show them anything they haven’t seen before.
Your HTB is your only concern. You trust him, you love him, he trusts and loves you. All you can do is ask that he respect you and to not do anything that he knows would harm the sanctity of your relationship. As for the other men, they aren’t yours to worry about. Some other woman can worry over them.And as far as choosing the best man, if your husband chose him, he must be a person who means a great deal to your husband.
There is only so much you can control in the midst of these situations. Let your HTB go and trust that he will do the right thing. I’m sure he will.
Post # 5
I guess I should clarify that I have discussed some of my main concerns, which was basically physical contact between another naked girl and him. At this point the only naked girl touching my HTB is me–otherwise it is cheating. He understands and agreed that if the guys tried to push that on him he would walk away, he will not jepardize our relationship. Problem is my HTB thinks that his best man is consulting with other guys that will keep the best man’s raunchy tendencys (which borderline on pedophilic) in line. The best man has now heard those guys concerns and told them that he does not care what they think because he knows my guy best. When my discussion with my FI occurred I did not know that the plan involved the guys sitting around watching girls have sex with each other. I really was trying not to get involved, but I have no other choice at this point. The sane guys are not going to be in attendance to control things, and I am simply not OK with this. My FI is going to take this as an ultimatum, but the fact of the matter is, it is going to be this friend or me for the rest of his life.
Post # 6
I want you to check out this website it’s called sinful strips .com. Go to bachelor parties and lesbian shows. Once you see this you will not go through with the traditional bachelor party. It makes me sick to think they are entitled to this. Why dont you say well what can I do? Throw out a few scenarios that will really twist him up. I did. After seeing what this lesbian show really is.
Post # 7
I think it is really easy to get sucked into thinking that the "extreme" worst case scenario for a bachelor party is what your FI will do. I did not look at this website but from the sound of it, it sounds pretty graphic (and that a bachelor party ended with something really inappropriate?) Don’t get sucked in /freak out.
Not all bach parties involve strippers and not all strip joints end in bad behavior by men. Try to get back to basics – would you be marrying your FI if you truly felt that he would engage in appropriate behavior at his bachelor party?
Post # 8
Are you saying the other groomsmen won’t be there because the BM’s ideas are just too raunchy? Because my suggestion would be for your FI to have a discussion with the other GM, so that he will have some people in his corner. If several people aren’t going because of the planned entertainment, I would think your FI would want to let the BM know that he insists that this be something his friends and family can attend, not just be something perverted for the BM to try to justify getting his jollies. It sounds like the BM doesn’t care who goes as long as he has an excuse to do what he wants. If the Bm doesn’t want to hear this, I would suggest that your Fi have a different bachelor party with everyone else, and the Bm can have his strippers all to himself.
I know people have differing views on strippers. But you have the right to your view, and to bring up those concerns with your FI. Some people will tell you to lighten up. Some people will tell you they aren’t that bad. Others will say they are worse than you think.
I would advise against an ultimatum between the BM and you, unless this is reaching outside the bach party. this seems hard enough on your guy. I think the biggest problem he will have is trying to still seem like a guy to his friends. I think a lot of grooms don’t care much for the stripper thing but go along with it because they don’t want to give the wrong vibe to their friends. If he has to deal with an ultimatum, his friend is going to think he’s "whipped."
Again, I would consider for him to try to rally some support from those who also might think this is too much. Or GM who just might be more receptive to his wishes. It’s hard for the groom to stand strong by himself, because he’s not planning it. He might not even know when it is…