Post # 1
I met one of my very close girlfriends through our best man–they dated for a few years, then he broke it off. It’s been two years, but he broke her heart and I don’t think she’s really over him yet.
I would love love to have this girl be a bridesmaid since she is an amazing person and friend, and is actually one of my few friends who gets excited about wedding stuff. But I’m afraid that if I ask her, I’ll put her in an uncomfortable position where she feels that she “has” to accept, even though she doesn’t really want to (she still avoids her ex/our best man like the plague). She’s the nicest girl ever (which is one reason why I love her!) but also why I’m concerned that she might accept even if she’s dreading interacting with her ex.
Is it selfish of me to ask her or in poor taste? Or should I mention it and give her the option of saying no? (btw–I’ve double checked with the best man, and he has no problem with her being a bm).
Post # 3
I would ask her if it is going to be an issue for her to attend the wedding with him their first and guage her reaction to that question. If she’s like I’m totally over it, no big deal, then ask if she would feel strange as a BM.
Post # 4
I would ask her, so at least she has the choice to accept or decline. One of my bridesmaids (FIs Sister) had a bad break up with one of the groomsmen (my brother) a few years ago.. shes married now so they are over it.. but we are just making sure they aren’t paired up together so there won’t be any akwardness.
Post # 5
She’s going to be a guest at the wedding no matter what, right? My younger brother’s now FI had to deal with this with her ex. She was the MOH in her best friend’s wedding and he was the best man. I think having all of us at the wedding as well really helped her get through it.
I think you just need to tell her what you told us. Let her know that you won’t be offended if she says no b/c of the awkwardness of the situation. She might feel really honored to be in the wedding party!
Post # 6
My older brother’s ex gf is one of my bridesmaids – I don’t really care about offending people – I want people there to stand up for me who have always been there for me, and she is one of them. My brother is perfectly ok with it – it’s his current gf that i’m worried (or not worried) about 🙂
Post # 7
I would ask her about it and let her decide if she wants to be a part of the wedding.
I actually had a similar situation. DH’s best friend dated one of my bridesmaids. It wasn’t the best breakup. But they are still somewhat friends, so it didn’t affect my wedding at all.
Post # 8
I agree that you should give her the option to decide if she wants to be in the wedding or not
Post # 9
I agree with the others. I would ask and explain that you’d love for her to be a part of your day but understand if she would rather sit out on this one.
Post # 10
Etiqutte has no opinion on who you have in your wedding party.
I think I would ask her if she would like to. You can’t be responsible for her feelings on the situation.
If I were the friend I would accept knowing that there would be some interaction with ex. I recently went to a wedding where I was quite involved and my ex was a groomsman. I hate that fool, but I dealt with it for the day.
Post # 11
I have a similar situation but more complicated, since the girl in question is my best friend for eleven years, and the guy is my brother. Both are in the wedding party, and they broke up like eight years ago and have hung out socially since then, but I think she still gets a little weird around him. Alas, they’ll deal with it, since there’s no way I’d get married without them standing up there.
I’d say to ask your friend how she feels. There’s really not that much interaction with the other side of the wedding party except a couple hours on the day of, and no point in punishing her for not being over him.
Post # 12
I had this same situation happen to me except I was the bridesmaid. I met my best friend through my ex and while we were dating they asked if we would be members of the wedding party. A year later our four year relationship ended. I was pretty heartbroken, but I still wanted to be there for my friend. She wanted me there so I was there. It was difficult being around my ex bc we had a pretty nasty breakup but I dealt with it. If she is really important to you and is truly a good friend she will put up with one night of being around him for you. hope this helps!