Post # 1
FI’s best friend and best man found out last night that his wife wants a divorce. they’ve been together for 10 years, married for five, and two beautiful boys (the older being our ring bearer).
my heart breaks for him as he is the sole provider and has been since long before she ever got pregnant. they’re not financially well off and she demanded that he give her $800 a month in child support. she’s never been good enough for him, but we figured that after the kids they would both try harder (she threatened divorce when Fiance and i started dating)…
she said “the spark isn’t there anymore”
we offered for him to come stay with us for a while, it worked out since Fiance is on vacation from work for the next week… it’s not all burden at all, but i’m really confused on how we should handle the wedding obligations (which totally feel like we’re bombarding him with stuff he doesn’t need to worry about right now)
we already have asked another groomsman to handle the bach party (before divorce came up) because we already knew how tight Bridesmaid or Best Man was with money. we even found a second tux place because of the expense of tux rental for him and his son (our ringbearer).
i want to offer to rent their tuxes… but at the same feel bad for the other groomsmen… etc.
i guess this is mostly venting… but what do you suggest we do? we’re 3.5 months out and want to be excited, without rubbing BM’s face in it.
Post # 3
I would just kindly offer to pay for it, like have your Fiance ask him in private. As for your other groomsmen, it’s your money and I’m sure they don’t need to know the details of why you’re assisting in cost of it. They don’t even have to know that you and your fiance are paying for it.
Post # 4
I’m so sorry to hear that. Honestly, I would just sort of remove your wedding from your thought process. Just be there for him the same way you would if your wedding wasn’t around the corner. I think it’s completely fine if you pay for him and his son and not the other groomsmen. They don’t need to know, and even if they do.. I would think they would all be extremely understanding given the circumstances. Your Fiance is still his best friend and he will still want to participate in your wedding, just probably not focus on it all the time. You guys are so sweet to let him stay with you until he figures out a permenant situation… just continue to support his needs and you’ll be fine.
Also… his wife sounds like a real biatch. If she is going to try to demand child support I think he is better off to try to fight for custody!
Post # 5
First of all you two are amazing to be so supportive of Bridesmaid or Best Man. He is going to go through alot right now.
It is going to be hard for him, and maybe emotionally to see a wedding. I remember singing at a friends’ wedding when I was barely separated and had to focus on the cross at the other end of the church sanctuary to just get thru the song without weeping. (singing “The Lords’ Prayer”).
Be very very understanding. Also, her statement of “I don’t feel the spark anymore” is very telling. That’s the exact words a friend of mine (the guy from the encore couple I wrote about last year) got from his wife before he found out about her activities. They were able to work it through, and eventually remarried and are happier than ever. Just a suggestion to him, introduce him maybe to marriagebuilders.com if he is interested in attempting to reconcile with her or save things. It’s just that whole “I love you but not in love with you” or the “I don’t feel a spark” thing means they’re feeling it..but many times because they’ve explored this feeling maybe with another.
I am sure guys will be very supportive of their fellow gm who is going thru a rough patch. Just be there and give him love and support. Fwiw, she needs (the w) to realize that just because she is a stay at home mom, she will have to go to work most likely now. Does she realize that? Just keep your FI’s bff/BM grounded and listen alot.
When I was first separated, I moved back home to TN and stayed with my sis and bil for a few weeks and surrounded myself with friends. That part was amazing until I had actually healed a little enough to take a few breaths and decide what the heck was I going to do. Having people around to talk to and be around and knowing they support you makes all the difference.
Hugs to you and Fiance for being such good friends!
Post # 6
thank you for your thoughts @beekiss @moose, esp from experience @belle!
i would definitely suggest reconciliation, but she is not having it this time around!
the most sad part is, he’s been traveling for work and she dumped this on him when he got home from being Out of Town last night. AND she is not willing to work it out. the entire time he’s been traveling, he told Fiance that he’s been thinking of ways for them to spend “QT” together without their boys, changing their daily lifestyle, working out together, taking up new hobbies together, etc. and she slams this on him?!
he def wants to get custody, but unfortunately he works as a manager at a retail store and she works from home part time as a real estate agent, there is no way he can afford a babysitter or daycare :'(
i just can’t understand her selfishness. i know that a marriage is hard work, but aren’t there a lot of factors to consider… and her excuse is “no spark”!?
marriage is about ups and downs… but persisting through those down times TOGETHER. and she won’t even let him try… :'( at one point, he was working two jobs to provide for them and all she would do is cook him a corn dog for dinner. :O.. i know that being a stay at home mom is BIG job, but seriously? a corn dog after a 14 hour work day on his feet?
Fiance and i definitely will be paying his way for the wedding… and Bridesmaid or Best Man is such a sweet guy that he would NEVER let us feel bad about our upcoming wedding, i want to do everything to make it easier on him, without taking away at his dignity or male ego of being able to provide for Fiance what Fiance did when he got married.
thanks for listening and please keep the stories coming, if u ever been in our shoes, or BM’s shoes! it TOTALLY helps us to realize what the right thing for us to do is…