Post # 1
We all know the statistics; marriage isn’t easy! As I get closer to my marriage date, here are the top two pieces of advice I have gotten:
1. Plan your marriage, not your wedding.
2. Only take marriage advice from those living something you want.
What are some of the best advice you’ve received?
Post # 3
lots of patience
dont expect too much, or your partner to do everything as you want it
comunication (talk to each other,share things)
Post # 4
Don’t fight about petty stuff
If you want your guy to do something, ask him ( cleaning…)
Post # 5
Other good advice I’ve gotten, is being clear about our expectations of each other beforehand, so we don’t get surprised. Also, that marriage is not 50/50, but 100/100. Marriage partners cannot keep score and should both give it their all.
Post # 6
I do not have any advices (I’m not married) but I do have stats 🙂
- Higher education = lower divorce rates
- the more you wait = lower divorce rates
- living together before wedding = higher divorce rates
- look at your parents: if both from divorced parents = higer divorce rates
that’s all I can remember for now… note that these are just trends and not predictors!
Post # 7
My grandfather told me that he had a huge fight with my grandmother when they were really young and very newly married. He packed a suitcase and went to his parents’ house, hoping to spend the night. His own father turned him away and said “Go home to your wife and make it right.” They went on to have seven kids (my dad was the firstborn) and a long, happy marriage. Running from your problems will solve nothing and only make it worse.
Post # 8
@khf777: That’s a great story! I love it. Never go to sleep angry.
Post # 9
Yup. I got “Don’t try to have the perfect marriage.”
And I got “Never go to sleep angry.”
I also realize that many people expect marriage to fix all of their problems. It doesn’t. People go into marriage with expectations of what their Fiance should/will change once you’re married, and it doesn’t happen that way at all! Love ’em when you marry ’em, and don’t expect them to change a darn thing about themselves just because they married you.
Post # 10
From a pair of psychology professor friends, while celebrating our engagement over dinner:
“It isn’t the mountain ahead that wears you out; it’s the grain of sand in your shoe.”
— Robert W. Service
Post # 11
@Fung: I actually kind of disagree with that second piece of advice… I would think that people who made mistakes, and are now having to live with them, might actually have quite a good persepctive, giving them the ability to give you advice telling you to not do what they did! (And especially, HOW to not make the same mistakes they did!)
Post # 12
When I think of marriage / relationship advice I always remember something from the show Friends…
Friends – The One Where Joey Tells Rachel
Monica : I don’t believe in soul-mates either.
Chandler : You don’t?
Monica : No. I don’t think you and I were destined to end up together. I think that, we fell in love and work hard at our relationship. Some days we work *really* hard.
It isn’t all sunshine and butterflies. Sometimes you have to deal with the not so pleasant parts of being in a relationship. A relationship is dynamic and requires effort. But it’s so worth it. You get what you put into it.
Post # 13
This is my favorite! It was read at our wedding and I was looking at all the older people and they were all nodding theirbreads.
Love is a temporary madness.
It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision.
You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is.
Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion.
That is just being in love which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
Post # 14
Here is the best I have ever given. I even saved it on my notepad as Quotes by (my name.)
You’re fighting a losing battle. Because you are arguing with the one person you are suppose to be working with through life’s challenges, together! You have to remember, you are on the same team! Don’t let pride take you over. Pride doesn’t make you right in the arguement, it only makes you weak as a team. If you really want to win, stop fighting a losing battle no matter who started it & figure out what is going to make it work. Because you can only win if you both make it together, not by figuring out who is wrong or right.
This is for everyone married including myself. Its a very nice quote to live by in a marriage if you ask me.
Post # 15
@red_rose: But that’s why #2 makes sense. Because no couple is problem free and the glory that we see at the present has a story behind it. That’s why I would only take advice from couples living something I want and admire, because it means they know how to work through their mistakes. i.e. I wouldn’t go to my single girlfriend whose still bitter about her ex if I needed advice cus it could be bias, or I wouldn’t go tell a couple that I’ve seen fighting daily and living unpeacefully. I’d want to be wise about who I let influence my marriage and it would be a couple whose more experienced and been married longer, are encouraging and supportive of each other, and committed to conflict resolution.
Post # 16
@Sweet.Sugar.Rose: Love that quote! Pride is such an ugly thing..! Thank you for that!