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I guess all the newlyweds are busy. I'm interested in seeing what they say. I garantee 'don't sweat the small stuff' is something everyone would suggest. Its something we all KNOW we should stop doing.
I moved this to the Newlywed board for you, I think you'll get more bites here.
My advice is that your wedding will not go completely according to plan. Something will be forgotten or broken or left at the hotel. Your hair may not be perfect, you may accidentally rip your dress or your veil. A vendor may goof, and you'll probably have a few more (or less!) guests than you planned for. If you can accept this in advance, then when it happens you can just laugh it off. At the end of the day the goal is to be married and enjoy some time with your families!
(My story for you: my hair WOULD NOT curl. I was an HOUR late for our pre-wedding photo shoot so that my SIL could attempt to iron my hair into submission. While my groom was waiting, he saw that the venue had set the entire ceremony up WRONG. He and the best man were running around fixing everything in the hour they were waiting for me so that I wouldn't freak out. When I got there we were both totally flustered! The sun had risen to a bad angle and our photos weren't going to be great. And in the middle of all that, just as we were about to do our first look shot in a beautiful meadow by the resort pool, my Maid of Honor saved the WHOLE day for BOTH of us. As I'm walking toward my groom upset that I'm late, she was straightening my train, then she stops me and points to a man by the pool. A man in his sixties covered in thick silver body hair. A chubby man. And she says "Hey! Moobs!" I tell you, the whole rest of the day anytime I might get upset about something, I just thought "Moobs!" and giggled my worries away! So find something to make you laugh, and TRULY enjoy your big day!!)
What a great discussion to start!
Unfortunately, I, too, am a bride-to-be, so I don't have any words of wisdom yet. But, I am very interested to hear what some newlyweds have to offer!
I would second what Mighty Sapphire said. Accept that things will go wrong. Inevitably, they will. Hopefully they won't be huge things, but for example, my parent's street was closed unexpectedly, so our limo got lost, we were late for everything, including the reception because everyone was stuck in traffic, etc. But you know what? By that point- I didn't care as much, because the day was happening, and just like on any other day, you do the best you can with whatever life hands you! We still got married, we still did everything as planned, just a little bit later.
Also, accept that everything WILL get done! I would have saved myself a LOT of stress if I had known that going into it. I had this idea that I had SO MUCH TO DO and so little time- but it all got done! And if it didn't get done, you give up on it, and you actually find yourself not caring as much by that point if it didn't get done.. you're too excited that it's all finally happening!
What else.. I'd say enjoy every moment, even though that's cliche. It went so fast, even though I was engaged for 2 years, i still say, it went so fast and a big part of me misses it so much. (A big part of me is also glad to have it behind me and settled into married life, but still!) I remember getting really stressed and just ready for it to be over due to minor family drama, too many decisions that I was just sick of making, etc- but looking back- oh man! It's over!! And that's sad! I wish I just enjoyed every single moment instead of letting myself get aggravated over things (even though they were in fact aggravating!). Sometimes easier said than done, I know, but I just wish I'd realized that it would all be over soo soon.
I guess I also would have chosen my wedding party more carefully, definitely. I went with the people I "always thought" would be in my wedding, but I should have considered it more closely. I also should have said something to my sister about how ridiculous she was being as MOH (totally uninterested to the point of rudeness) because afterwards, she was wishing I could do it all over again because she loved the wedding so much, and I found myself really annoyed that she didn't get interested in it before it was over. Maybe she would have if I'd spoken up about how it upset me... Or maybe she was just immature, who knows :)
As for meeting with more caterers, etc, I would definitely have met with more photograhers. We changed ours after our E pics, and were superbly grateful we did so, and we lost money in doing that. And then even once we did that, I didn't end up LOVING our photog's.. 7 months later, we're still waiting for our video (one company). We got so hung up on wanting to schedule someone quickly so we had it taken care of that we didn't shop around as well as we should have, especially considering how important that was to me.
OH, and I also found myself really wishing our honeymoon was a mini-moon, and our real honeymoon was delayed by a few months. It was nice going away right after so it's not that I wouldn't do that, but after the wedding there was still so much excitement that it would have been ok to not do anything so extravagant..whereas a few months later, we really could have used a vacation and something fun to look forward to!
Anyway, overall we loved our wedding and can't believe it's been 7 months. We were definitely really happy with how everythign turned out, but I think there will alway sbe things you can look back at and reflect on! I guess the theme to all of mine is that I would have slowed down...taken the time to debate about important things.. and really just enjoyed it!
Sorry I wrote a book!
I hope that helps!
Ladies, thank you so much! I really appreicate all the thoughts, most of which I have thought about but it is so good to have some affirmation.
((hugs))
Think about what matters to you and don't worry too much about the rest! Enjoy being engaged as much as you can - you are planning a party for all the people you love, planning to commit yourself to your partner in life - this should be fun and exciting, not overly stressful! Things to me that mattered were having a ceremony that was meangingful and special to us and our family, having great food, having a super fun dance party and making sure our guests felt welcome and had a great time.
Things I did that I recommend:
- Hire a DOC! It made my wedding day stress free - for me and my mom and wedding party. They worry about it all for you on the day of and weeks before!
- Realize that this day will be amazing so don't sweat the small stuff that goes wrong.
- Make the day represent you and your FI, but think about those you love - its ok if not every little thing is about YOU
- Spend a lot less time on favors, people really don't care! we had a candy buffet and people loved it (and we got super fun pics) but man I spent a LOT of time thinking about and worrying about favors in general.
- Put your money on the things you care about (music, food, decor) and go cheaper on the stuff you won't notice or care about on the big day
- Have a going away brunch if you can - the day/night goes so quickly that it is much easier for it to end if you aren't saying goodbye, but see you tomorrow
- videotape the ceremony and speeches at a bare minimum - doesn't need to be professional. they are such special moments and photos won't capture the words. WE don't watch ours a lot, but it is so special to have it
- if pictures are important, make sure the photographer gets the "candids" you want. I wish I had more with my mom.
I would plan out as much as you can ahead of time - I mean, down to every detail. I am an extremely organized person, and had planned a lot, but there were several things that came up during the planning process and I thought "Oh, I'll remember this on the day of." WRONG! It is hard to overemphasize how many things are going on at once and how hard it is to keep your head on straight. I was kind of running around, and it didn't occur to me till later that I wish I had spent some time with my mom that morning, but there were so many people around and so much going on that it didn't occur to me at the time. Anyway don't be afraid to think through every detail and express your wishes to others. (But don't think that everything will go right even if you do this!)
Really articulate your photo choices to your photographers. I gave my photogs a list of just a couple of shots that I wanted, but wasn't that specific, and just figured that since I loved their style, they'd get the shots I was looking for. I wish I had actually called them beforehand and been more specific about a few shots that I was looking for, and WHY. The why is important because if they can't get that shot, maybe they'll have an idea for another.
For those that are earlier in the planning process - wait to commit to certain wedding decisions until you've had some time to be excited about being engaged, and have started cruising the web looking at different weddings pics etc. My ideas about what I could/should/would do for almost every aspect of the wedding changed after I started spending a lot of time reading wedding blogs. Keep an open mind.
Those are just a couple things I wish I could go back and tell myself! Good luck! My wedding was literally one of the happiest days of my life. ENJOY!
The best decision I made was to separate the ceremony and the reception by several hours. This gave us the opportunity to go to our honeymoon suite and relax before facing everyone at the reception. I was exhausted and emotionally overwhelmed by the ceremony, and if I hadn't had a little break in the middle, I would have gone crazy.
Realize that you'll be insanely busy at the reception. I never got to relax, I felt obligated to work the room and talk to everyone! We had spent so much time choosing delicious cocktails and food, and I hardly had any of it. I had ONE drink the whole night, none of our appetizers, and one thing from the dessert bar. LAME.
I also felt like a broken record the whole time. "Are you excited?" yes. "I love your shoes!" Thanks. "Where are you going on the honeymoon?" St. Lucia. Seriously, everyone asked the same questions over and over and over.
As other brides mentioned, stuff will go wrong. For example:
-it was pouring rain all day, so we never got any outdoor pics. Oh well. We got beautiful pics inside City Hall.
-I forgot to wear the special perfume I bought. Oh well, my regular deodorant smelled nice :)
-We had some wedding crashers (weird relatives invited by another guest.) Oh well! Sure, they showed up and spent the evening insulting my MIL and eating our food, but I was so busy I never even talked to them!
Advice I got last night from my dad (who is already married):
27 days 'till the wedding
"What will happen at July 3 at midnight?"
"huh, dad, what?"
"What will happen at July 3 at midnight? Know what? You'll be married and everyone will have had a good time. So DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT!"
( I was talking to him about flowers.)
Our wedding day was amazing and I was unemployed for the months leading up to our wedding so I had time for lots of DIYs and running back and forth to stores for more supplies etc.
Time leading up to the wedding advice:
1)Absolutely pick people for your wedding party that you feel will be best for you; our bridal party was solely comprised of sisters and extremely close, wonderful, loyal friends. Almost nothing was left for the last minute solely because I had time on my side but my MOH went almost everywhere with me because she wanted to and was as excited about our day as we were. I had another bridesmaid run around manhattan collecting heavy supplies in a suitcase, and another sit around for hours with an eyelet setter making ceremony programs etc.... without a complaint or anything. I didnt even have to ask them for help they just always offered. Ive read so many stories of peoples bridal party's being uninterested or whiney etc, and while again you dont need to be evil about the wedding day, this is your day and the people you chose should be people who would wear a paper bag down the aisle and be glad to represent someone who helped you get to this day. The day of our wedding as well, our coordinator, hair/makeup artists said our party were the most caring, laid back group of people and it was nice. THIS made the process even more WONDERFUL and easy.
back tracking.... all of your choices for this day should be what you and your fiance want... while you can take other peoples preferences into account ultimate decisions should be for the both of you... you can still be a gracious and humble person while making it about you at the same time
2) As many lists and checks that you can make, something will break or get lost etc. Because we had so many DIYs and werent relying on a lot of outside vendors/companies to bring us stuff there was potential for mess ups. Id say bring a glue gun, safety pins and a scissor just in case but your venue should also have sewing kits and all that.
3)Get to know the venues day-of-coordinator if you can. AGAIN because we did lots of DIYs I made enough phone calls to our venue to ask for measurements or logically related questions. I was never made to feel like my questions were stupid or annoying, they always seemed happy to help and got excited for our day as well. Our bridal attendant made sure she was at the venue when I dropped off our favors, table numbers and lots of ETCs and got so excited while she wrote down everything I was bringing in... and I just felt like she went the extra mile because I had talked to her so much. I talked to her several times after the wedding as well and to my surprise members of our bridal party also called to thank them for clearly going the extra mile to make sure we were calm and that our day went as smoothly as possible.
4)Talk/mingle with people you are less friendly with during the cocktail hour (aka the elders, parents friends etc). Youre most likely not going to dance with them during the reception but you will seek out your own friends and closer family members to spend more time with during the reception so spend that time thanking and acknowledging them during the cocktail hour (if youre not taking your photos during that time). The reception FLIES by as it is so you want to use that time effectively.
5)Keep everything. I am a pack-rat but I have thus far kept all little greeting cards that came with gifts or cards we got at the weddng, wish tree tags etc.. (i plan on doing something eventually with them) but its amazing the amount of love people have for you and how excited people are... i dont want to ever forget it so im keeping words as momentos.
6)Obviously get a good photographer but LUCKILY were in a time where almost everyone has some kind of camera. For friends that like to take pics it doesnt hurt to ask them to bring their camera and try to get pics from their angle (as opposed to disposable cameras that arent going to have the same quality). We have so many pictures its overwhelming at this point, but lots of same moments from different angles are great to see after.
7) Like others said do not obsess over favors. If you have time shop around for wholesale stuff and get creative. How many people need more candy covered almonds, or something with your name on it? They love you but im pretty sure no-one wants something w our initials engraved etc. If you have a small budget, wholesale was a great way to give people a small token, but I've seen lots of people donate whatever budget they had to a cause and were very respected for that choice!
8)Small tip but tip nevertheless.... our wedding was beach themed so I wanted to give out flip flops but i know i lot of couples make flip flop baskets primarily for women to give their feet a break from the heels etc... OLD NAVY has a $1.00 flip flop sale in April or May. They were AMAZING... they took numbers for colors and amounts we needed per size etc and they had me come in before they opened the doors to the public and they were all boxed and ready to go, i just had to pay. It was the easiest thing and the deal is unbeatable... just ask your branch if theyd be willing to do that since youre giving them a good chunk of change and ask for the specific date etc. It was fun to see everyone wearing our wedding colors while dancing and seeing people throughout the summer wearing them etc. EVEN the men took them, i thought we havea ton leftover... we had none!
9) If you can Id recommend writing your own vows. We had our MOH review them to make sure we didnt say the same thing etc cause we wanted to read them to each other for the first time that day but it was special to have heard original words in that moment for us.
This is much longer than intended, thanks for reading lol.
Haha, my advice is almost the opposite of Nexus-6, but hey! Different strokes for different folks, right? Also, different regions. If it takes more than 45 minutes to cute the cake, West Texans get a bit antsy and might just high tail it! I think the best decision we made was to have the reception right after the ceremony--same location. We took photos before so we got the party started FAST. That way, people weren't waiting around for too long. And, yes, you will probably be talking to people the whole time! We had a large guest list, so we were traveling around tables all night! I would suggest having a friend put together a "take away" for you both so you get some of the goodies from the reception! My mother did this for us, but we somehow got away without them! Oh well! As everyone says, things go wrong! You can't let it bring you down on your special day! =)
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Hi New Brides,
What is your best advice for us Brides-to-Be looking back on your engagement and wedding process?
I wonder what I will think looking back over this process, what I could have and should have done differently. Gone on more dates? Talked to more caterers? Had more maids to help? Been a better budgeter? Not sweat the small stuff?
What do you say?
Thanks for the thoughts from a little nervous and a bit full in the head Bride-to-be
M~*