Post # 1
Alrighty! For those of us who’ve been TTC, and were worried about getting together with family over the holidays, we survived holiday #1! I know there were a few threads about how to properly deflect the “when are you having kids” questions, so how did it go for you? Do you have any good ones to share? My MIL came to our house this year and omg do I have a few to share. Id love to hear the best, most out there questions or comments you got this weekend! 🙂
ill start: due to some minor family drama, my MIL is terrified we are going to get pregnant and not tell her. (Which is silly, of course we will)She bugged DH about whether I am or not so often that he admitted I wasn’t pregnant yet, but that we were trying and will definitely let her know. Well this was the first time she’s seen me since she knew we started trying and omg. Here’s a list of the best gems:
“Boy you sure do eat a lot of carbs. I hope you know that a baby will need more nutrients than just carbs. Your prenatal vitamin won’t cover everything!”
“You won’t be able to eat processed food like this when you’re pregnant, it’s so important to get organic food”
“I know you don’t like milk but you’ll have to drink some for the baby”
“I do hope you won’t drink alcohol when you’re pregnant. The doctors told me I could have a beer a day but now the new studies say even a mouthful at the wrong time could be so harmful”
And then the piece de resistance, she laid her hands on us before leaving, to pray (which is usual for her) but said out loud “and I pray for equine_breeder’s womb that everything happens how it should and there’s no complications and the baby is healthy”
she prayed. For. My. WOMB!
no words. Just no words.
she is quite eccentric and nutrition oriented and I KNOW she’s just impatiently waiting for her first grand baby but good grief! I’m not even pregnant yet so yes, I can eat a roll and processed foods and have a drink. And you know what? I will probaBly enjoy quite a few carbs after I do get pregnant as well 😉
Post # 2
Either make it obvious that I’m ignoring their question “Can you believe this weather?” or something totally smart “When their value goes up on the black market”. We get this question ALL THE TIME and I’m dreading Christmas get togethers.
Post # 3
Well, you have my sympathy. Sadly, I do not know what to suggest.
I forsee the future. Even once the baby is born, she will have all kinds of advice about raising it.
Maybe someone needs to tell her how offensive this is, but not sure how that would go over.
Post # 4
I don’t TTC, I’m not even engaged yet,I just live with my SO, and yet I get these questions all the time during holidays and extended family dinners. It can get really uncomfortable. Last time, my 8-year old cousin, hearing all this, wanted to know if we are having any babies. When I told her yes,someday she proceeded to ask “how many boys and how many girls?” Everyone laughed and I was saved from the awkwardness,at least for that time.
Post # 5
Equine_Breeder: Omg… Your MIL. Very interesting. I bet she’s excited, first grandchild and all, but all that extra could be tamed a little. Seems like you did a fine job at deflecting some of that. Kudos. And I hope you get your BFP soon.
Our most common is “Soooo… When are the kids coming? It’s about time they start to happen.” Get that question VERY frequently. Most people do not know we’re strugging with fertility. I make sure to notedly point that out. Shuts them right up on the topic.
Post # 6
She prayed for your womb. Wow.
Post # 7
My DH was sharing baby pics of his friend’s daughter, and my MIL said “I don’t want to see any baby pictures unless its a sonogram”. Thankfully this was out of my earshot… I would have died.
Post # 8
We get asked all the time, ” when are you having kids” or “are y’all ready for this” when there is a room full of kids. This past holiday they kept saying these beans are good for having twins, you should come and take some. I avoided the beans lol. I don’t really mind the questions as I usually respond We are working on it.
Post # 9
Equine_Breeder: oh. my. lord. I would absolutely die. The commets on your diet are just so out of line (and you aren’t even pregnant yet — imagine when you ARE pregnant!). And the pressure she’s placing on you by talking about it nonstop is soooo uncool. I am generally very esasy-going, but I would NOT be able to handle this. You are a better person than I!
I’m pregnant now and was worried that people would comment on my diet and/or weight over Thanksgiving… thank goodness no one went there, though!
Post # 10
I told my FMIL, we would start TTC after the wedding. Now she’s planning a childfriendly family vacation for 2016… We’re not even trying yet! She mentions babies all the time, give me tips on where to get good baby stuff and even told me to stop taking the bcp and if he’s worried, he should wear a condom. But i don’t mind, i think its sweet she’s so excited..
Post # 11
My SIL said just a few days ago “I don’t think there are ever going to be any (OurSharedLastName) grandkids” kind of out of the blue. My DH says she was joking, but how is that a joke? It’s especially weird because we are only just turned 25 and 26, married for just over a year… so what the heck is the rush? She is 32 and not married, and ambivalent about kids, but why speak for bothe of us and not just herself? :/
Post # 12
Equine_Breeder: Hahaha, that is awesome she prayed out loud for your womb, wow…just wow.
The only comment I got came during Thanksgiving dinner at our table of 14 family members. I think my DH’s adult male cousin told his 9 year old son to ask us out loud, from the opposite end of the table, when he’s going to get a little cousin. I just stared wide eyed and mouth open, like, did that just happen and what the f-ing hell do I do?!?! It’s so awkward for me because we had a MC in June so I should have been pregnant this Thanksgiving, but they don’t know that… it just makes me sad. Don’t people know not to talk about sensitive personal stuff like that?! You don’t know everyones story or their struggles. Sheesh!
Post # 13
- Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa
Equine_Breeder: LOLOLOLOL. I don’t know how I would have kept a straight face if someone starting praying for my womb.
I was one who posted about deflecting questions/comments, and surprisingly, we made it through Thanksgiving day without comment from MIL. (Why is it that thye are the ones who seem to do all the badgering? My mom doesn’t want to be a grandma, yet, lol).
But yesterday (Saturday) We went out to dinner with MIL, FIL & SIL because my birthday is this week. I don’t remember how it came up (probably related to the fact that we were celebrating my bday), but she started asking me about how my mom’s pregnancy was with me, if she had bad morning sickness, complications, etc. I said that I didn’t know, but that my mom picked up a habit of eating fudge-covered oreos dipped in chocolate milk when she was pregnant with me. This led MIL to speculate that I might experience gestational diabetes someday when I’m pregnant. A little odd, but not the kicker.
Later the conversation turned to spicy foods, and I said that I liked to snack on pepperoncinis. She was so shocked that it didn’t bother me and that I’d never had heartburn that she said, “Well, you’ll see when you’re pregnant… Someday… or maybe soon!” I was so sick of all of her sideways comments (that have been going on since we got married) I couldn’t think of anything polite to say that I just looked at her sternly and shook my head “NO” very rapidly until she conceeded that of course she was kidding, that I’m too young, etc.
THANK YOU! I turn 24 on Friday, I have way more than enough time.
Hopefully she’ll realize it made me really uncomfortable for her to say things like that and she’ll stop. Or, I’ll just have to put my head on a swivel and continue with the head-shaking. We aren’t going to TTC for 3-4 years at least!
Post # 14
Equine_Breeder: Ahaha! I love that she prayed over your womb. I’m so sorry, I would not have known how to respond!
I think I pretty effectively deflected comments over Thanksgiving. My husband and I were with his brother, sister, and sister’s husband, and my BIL said “while I have you all here, I would like to let you know that I’m ready for a neice of nephew…so when are you planning on having kids?” and I responded “BIL (who is not married or even seriously dating) WE are also ready for a neice or nephew — when are YOU planning on getting married and having kids?”
My SIL’s husband then responded “yeah, we will have kids when you get married, after all MattieK and SIL don’t want to have to avoid alcohol at your wedding!”
It was funny, and broke the tension, but hopefully it made him realize how personal and prying those questions are!
Post # 15
I feel for you. We are not even trying yet and everyone in our family I mean EVERYONE askes us about it when they see us at get togethers. There are several little ones in my family right now and I love holding them. All I hear is how much a natural I am and we should have one of our own soon. Its like after you have been married a certain amount of time your supose to pop out a baby. You would think people these days would know it dosn’t always work like that. We will be TTCing in the spring and sister in law just announced she due in May. So hopefully everyone will mind their own buisness until then, but not likley.