(Closed) Best waiting advice I’ve heard

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m not a waiting bee, but I just had to comment, that I think this was fabulously put!

Post # 4
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I totally agree – this is fantastic advice and something that all the waiting bees should take a look at and consider!

Post # 5
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Great advice!!!!  I hope more waiting bees read this!

Post # 6
442 posts
Helper bee

So true, and sadly… it’s so easy for us to forget what our SOs may be going through during this time, when we’re in the midst of our Waiting stages. He’s going through his own stages, not just in regards to planning, but his own emotional stages as well.

Thanks so much for posting it, I’ve put it as a favorite to remind myself to just trust and be patient! :o)


Post # 7
810 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Very true, but being silent is super duper difficult, especially since it seems like everyone we know are getting married/engaged now.

Post # 8
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think this might depend on where you are in the waiting process.  If you know your SO purchased a ring, or is otherwise ready to ask, then I think this is good advice.  If your SO keeps saying “wait, wait, wait” and you feel like you are being strung along, I don’t know if this would apply.  I think waiting to see if someone wants to spend the rest of their life with you or not is in a different category than planning a wedding (which is really just a party).


Post # 9
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

hmm.. that’s a very interesting way of looking at it.

Post # 10
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@EleanorRigby: I kind of agree:

If your SO already has the ring then chances are the actual proposal is casing him grief.

BUT if he doesn’t have the ring yet and is looking then that can be the cause of frustration and stress.

If you SO is telling you to “wait, wait” it could be very possible that he is doing this so that you stop thinking about it and he can plan in peace. 

So I think it applies to many different stages in slightly different ways. 

Post # 11
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Thank you for this post. I never really thought about it that way but this has opened my eyes to see it from his eyes. I’ll read this when I need something to remind me to be more patient with him.

Post # 12
659 posts
Busy bee

How did I not see this post before now? It makes alot of sense, I need to try harder to keep my mouth shut.

Post # 13
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Okay – but what if the bride doesn’t really want a ‘real’ wedding to plan?

Post # 14
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Good advice! I think the hardest part for me is that typically when I want something I make it happen and in this situation I won’t propose to him, so I am left to wait. not only does he want to make the proposal special, but he wants me to know that he can take care of me and our family to be. When I see the constant progress towards that goal, I feel calm and relaxed about our future. And I compliment on it so he gets support between my whining! 🙂

Post # 15
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Hello I am not waiting but I was a LIW last year so I know how it feels.

I just wanted to let you ladies know what my Fiance said to me after we finally got engaged. He had the ring since July and he proposed on New Years. In August I had a huge melt down when we had the marrige conversation and to throw me off the scent he told me he wouldnt be ready for at least the next year (he had the ring at this point and I didnt know) I cried and told him he doesnt undertstand how much it feels like rejection and I want him to want to marry me like I want to marry him and blah blah blah.

Also once or twice over the next couple of weeks I would be sitting in our bedroom watching TV and something would happen with a happy couple and I would start to cry again (yes I am a huge crier D’:)and at least twice he walked in on me crying for no apparent reason and he knew the reason and I would just pretend I hadnt been upset and he once said “I can not make it a surprise if you keep feeling like this, its breaking my heart” I took the hint and  tried not to bring it up again.

After we were engaged he said that he was lucky that he didnt come across me visibly upset again coz he probably would have caved and blurted his plans out. He knew I had said I wanted a surprise so it was very important to him to keep me in the dark.

He did his best to throw me off the trail for 6 full months.

He kept the whole thing secret from everyone (even his mum and dad) to try not to ruin the surprise and had been saying things to throw me off completely – some of the things he has said to me (LIW’itis inducing things) were straight out white lies:

“I dont see me being ready for at least a year” – in July he said this, was already planning everything at this point.

“There is no way – absolutely no way – it will happen while we are overseas at the end of the year” – also said this in July, he proposed while we were in Koh Samui on New Years

“No I have never purchased anything from overseas that was over $1000” – he said this 2 weeks before we left when we were talking about GST – the ring we had discussed came from the USA so I thought “oh that sucks, there is definately no ring yet then”.

There were heaps more too, my waiting period was an absoloute rollercoaster of emotions, “and is he? isnt he?”, and “was that a hint!?” lol.

He also said when I was complaining about waiting for something silly “listen I had to wait to ask you to marry me for 6 months, this is nothing.” So he considered himself waiting too 😛

Post # 16
1294 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I absolutely LOVE this post.. so much perspective that we easily forget while waiting! 

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