(Closed) Best way to handle Best Man issue?

posted 5 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
3078 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It’s not rude at all for you to invite her to the wedding only.  The events leading up to the wedding are for the wedding party only.  Your wedding is still a long way away.  Who knows, they might not even be involved with one another by then!  It seems she’s clearly a rebound.

Post # 4
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Hmm… I think it depends on the set-up/arrangements you have made.  Is the BM paying for his own room?  Do they have to travel far?  I think it would be rude if they had to travel and she wasn’t allowed to stay with the BM for most of the trip.  Nor do I think you have the right who can stay in his room.  If you are paying, you might be able to say BP only Friday night, but I still think that would be rude.

However, you definitely don’t have to include her in stuff.  You don’t have to invite her to hang out or get her nails done with you.  And if she or the BM asks, just say that it’s BP and/or family only.  I would probably try and make it clear that you don’t mind she’s there, but you will won’t be able to entertain her.

 

Post # 5
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@ShutterbugCait:  I don’t think it’s rude at all.  I actually think it’s very strange that a woman not in the bridal party would expect to be at the pre-wedding activities with the bridesmaids and brides!  That’s just weird.  Even if he brings her for the whole weekend, she should not expect to be with the wedding party.  She should plan things on her own, hang out in the room, go shopping by herself, whatever.

For my wedding,  I purposely booked a hotel for my bridesmaids and myself that was seperate from where the guys and our guests were staying.  I didn’t feel bad at all, although a few people in my extended family were suprised that I wasn’t going to be at their hotel (I didn’t tell anyone before–not even my own mother!).  But I was SO GLAD we were at the other hotel.  I actually booked the hotel for both the relax-time with my girls, AND because our hotel had suite rooms that had 2 bedrooms and there were 4 of us, and I wanted a special place.  The other hotel didn’t have that option…even their suites just had 1 room.

Best decision ever–no one bothered us, we had a blast just hanging out at the pool and slowly getting ready, and it was totally relaxing.  No random family pop ins, no strangers like in your situation, etc.  Is that an option for you?

Post # 6
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@ShutterbugCait:  I would suggest handling it yourself, my FI would not want this kind of confrontation and would just tell me to deal with it tho – LOL

You’re right, he is entitled to a date for the wedding but he should only bring her to that!  I have NEVER heard of a GMs date being in bridal photos tho – I would leave that issue to your photog who can ask her to step out of the pictures.  

You should stress to GM that with the guys golfing before and girls off doing other things it would be no fun for her to be at the plantation alone.  

Plus, honestly, if she doesn’t know anyone from the wedding why would she want to spend the whole weekend?

Post # 9
Hostess
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ShutterbugCait:  I say cross your fingers… who knows, maybe by Nov she won’t be in his life! If anything, make sure you arrange room blocks at a nearby hotel and invite everyone you want to stay at the plantation to go there; heavily emphasize the hotel option. If both of them have to travel out of town to attend your wedding; then it will give them a hotel option if she doesn’t get her butt out of town right after your wedding.

Post # 11
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@ShutterbugCait:  well, some of that awkwardness would be the BM’s fault.  he must have invited her and her son to your house–which is rude.  I suggest you start with him, explain nicely that it’s bridal party only (I assume no other significant others will be there?) and leave it at that.  She’s welcome to come to the wedding and get her own accomodations.

Post # 12
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Keep your fingers crossed they arent together at the time. She sounds a bit creepy, like. Why would she want to be in the middle of your wedding prep? If i were her i’d feel a bit awkward about imposing…

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