(Closed) Best way to tell friends they are not bridesmaids?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@pharmy:  Maybe just tell them that since the wedding is going to be small, you don’t want more people standing up at the altar than sitting in the audience?  ;o)  I think it would be understandable, too, that if you explain there will only be a best man on the groom’s side you wouldn’t want a ton of girls on your side.  Then explain how you want to include them on all of the other fun stuff, like getting ready, being at the bridal shower, dress shopping, etc.  Hopefully their emotions won’t get the best of them and they’ll understand!

Post # 4
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I would just be sure to explain that you’re just having a MOH/BM, and then follow that with a blurb about how you really care about them and value them as a close friend. One of my very best friends recently told me I wasn’t a bridesmaid by just casually saying, “So I’ve decided X, X, X and X wil be my bridesmaids.” And that was it. I would have felt a lot better if she had validated our friendship in that moment, because I felt pretty sad.

Post # 5
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@pharmy:  I was in the same situation.  My wife, while lovely, doesn’t really have close friends outside of me, my little sister (who lives with us), and my family.  I had several close friends that I wanted to be part of our bridal party.  So, my sister and cousin are standing up with me and two of my law school friends are standing up with my wife.  We’re having a small wedding (under 50 guests, hopefully), and so it’s nice.

Of course, some of our smartass friends have commented on our wedding website that the bridal party seems to be heavily skewed my way.  What can you do?

Laughing

Post # 6
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I am also having a small wedding party (3 BM and 3 GM) and have chosen to only ask family members to be bridesmaids – my two sisters and my fiance’s sister.  That way, I’m not excluding any friends.  

Also, in your case, have you considered involving your close girl friends in the ceremony in other places?  Maybe have someone sing, do readings, or even be your “coordinator”.  Every wedding needs someone to be in charge of greeting guests!  Or designate a friend to be the go-to person for the vendors.  You don’t want to be telling the florist where to go or answering everyone’s questions.  You’re the bride!  Friends would be happy to help you out in that way.  You could also ask them to do toasts at the reception, if that’s something that could work for you.

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