Best way to tell the bride you can't make it to the wedding last minute?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What would you do if you had a ear/sinus infection the day before your flight for a wedding?
    Let the bride know ASAP that you can't make it and explain why : (89 votes)
    59 %
    Let the bride know ASAP AND offer to pay for the food for you and your date : (40 votes)
    26 %
    Fly to the wedding and hope your ear drum doesn't rupture : (23 votes)
    15 %
    Other? : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    10457 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    Be honest. Tell her as soon as possible and still send a generous gift like you would have anyway. Offering to pay for your plate is a nice gesture, but if I were the bride I would be grateful but I wouldn’t accept.

    Post # 4
    6260 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @HeartsandSparkles:  Did the doc actually say it might rupture, or is that just conjecture?

    If that’s really what he said, you could get a second opinion (Do you have a primary care?) If it looks like that’s really and truly a possibility, I wouldn’t chance it–just send a cash gift that at least covers your plates and a very sincere apology.

    Post # 5
    7060 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I’ve had both of my ear drums rupture (one of them multiple times) so I personally probably wouldn’t think twice about traveling. However, I do know that it can occasionally cause hearing loss so I understand why you might not want to risk that. If you don’t go I would vote for telling her ASAP.


    Post # 6
    727 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @HeartsandSparkles:  I would be honest with her that you can’t make it.  We had a couple people bail on us within a day or two and one the day of.  Meh, shit happens.  But do tell her though!  And like PP mentioned, I would still send the gift that I planned on sending.

    As a side note, I finished work and was about to leave on an 8 hour drive to my friend’s wedding the next day and I managed to smash the front end of my car so bad I couldn’t drive it anywhere.  Obviously I had to bail on her wedding at the last minute too.  She seemed to understand, it’s not like I planned to do that on purpose!  Just like you didn’t plan to get an ear infection.

    Post # 7
    7906 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @HeartsandSparkles:  Tell her ASAP (it’s nice to phone if at all possible, and talk to her; text only as a last resort because it’s impersonal). It sucks, but nearly every wedding has a small number of no-shows for medical reasons, and being told in advance is helpful, so the bride and groom don’t need to wonder where the guest is. I only had 2 no-shows out of 100 – both were for (minor) medical emergencies and I had no hard feelings.

    Post # 8
    3281 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    If it were me I would still go and I’m a speech and hearing science student. If I were the bride I would roll my eyes at a guest who didn’t come because of an ear infection. An ear drum can rupture from the infection itself and relive the pressure and heal itself, or even from sticking a cotton swab in your ear. Problems can arise but I’d just take the medicine that they gave you and some pain meds. 

    Post # 13
    12262 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I would probably risk flying. And bring some extra painkillers on the offchance it does. But I think you’ll be okay!

    Post # 15
    7060 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @MrsN14:  +1

    My ears actually feel better when they rupture. All the pressure is gone. 

    Post # 16
    2196 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    I would probably just go and risk it. But if your not comfortable with that then I would call asap.

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