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"Congratulations! I'm so excited for you!" I have never been bothered by this one. :)
I usually say something like, "Thanks for sharing the great news! Congratulations!". If it's a good friend, I'll either add something like "Let me know if you need help" or when your schedule permits, let me buy you a celebratory drink" -- that way she knows I'm really excited to celebrate this milestone in her life, but it's low-key enough that she doesn't feel pressured to add one more thing to her calendar.
"Congratulations! Tell me about it" - that way your friend can decide how much and what she wishes to say. It works pretty well in any situation.
I agree with sf_carrie's advice, wholeheartedly! Support is key =)
i think congratulations always works. and i always like to know the proposal story. i guess i'm nosy, and i've never had anyone who was offended when i asked.
"Congratulations! You must be so excited!" is great. Also an offer for a celebratory drink is fabulous but only if you intend on following through! I think asking to see the ring is fine unless of course she isn't wearing one!
Questions I did NOT appreciate:
When is your wedding? (Um, I just got engaged YESTERDAY I don't know!)
Who/What are your (insert any of these: colors, bridesmaids, photographer, venue, etc)
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When I hear of a friend's engagement I'm always excited, but I feel like I can never come up with anything good to say! I typically find myself saying things like:
-are you excited?!? (Umm, duh.)
-let's see the ring! (could be offensive to that person)
-how did he ask? (maybe it's private)
-when's the wedding? (Sheesh! Maybe they don't know and maybe they'll think I"m assuming an invite!)
What kind of great responses have you gotten or do you appreciate?