Post # 1
This is awful, just awful, and I know it. Please don’t comment just to say “You’re a horrible person” or “You should be ashamed”. I just need advice and help.
I suffer from severe depression (which, before you suggest it, I have recently begun taking medication for; it’s improving but not gone altogether). I began to suffer very bad symptoms shortly before my wedding. After the wedding was all done, I didn’t want to do anything or go anywhere. It got so bad that I quit my job and have basically spent the last 3 1/2 months in a self-pitying hole of shame. How pathetic. I’m not proud of me.
In this time, I TRIED to write thank-you letters. I did write about half but they never made their way into the mail. My husband refused to get involved with it – he always had excuses – and now I hear people are starting to ask about them. It’s been 4 months since my wedding and I never bothered to send them out, and I am so mad and embarrassed with myself. I feel the need to fix this, but I don’t know how to. Should I send them out anyway? What do I tell people about why they were delayed, if I do? Is there anything I could do with/to them to make people more receptive to the fact that they’re ridiculously late?
I’m really upset and I can’t decide what the best way to handle this is. Please help 🙁
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@helpmeplease29: Send them out! I believe etquiette-wise you have 1 year to send them.
Post # 4
I would think better late than never. I’d send them out now if I were you.
Post # 5
Sending them out late is always better than never. You’re still within the acceptable time frame. If anyone is actually rude enough to complain about how “late” they are, you can always explain to them if you’re comfortable enough but it’s definitely not necessary.
Post # 6
@mchitt329: False. Guests have up to a year to send you a gift. A thank you card should be sent promptly and without delay as soon as the gift is received. At most, three months is what is considered acceptable, and even that is pushing it.
OP, send them immediately. Once it gets much longer than the 4-6 month range, I think the “better late than never” excuse goes out the window.
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
@helpmeplease29: Aw you poor thing, HUGS! My husband goes through period of depression, sometimes really severe, so I kind of know how brutal it can be. You should feel proud for just getting yourself through the day in one piece, because even that can be a struggle. Other things fall by the wayside and that’s just how it is, so don’t feel badly. I’m glad you’re starting to feel better.
Re: the cards, just finish them up and send them out. No need to apologize or make excuses. Our good friends got married around the same time as you and we just got a thank-you recently, and I didn’t think twice about it being “late”.
Post # 9
@helpmeplease29: Don’t let others determine your value. Better late than never is a good attitude. Give yourself grace. I know a thing or 50 about depression, and what you need is grace for yourself.
Post # 10
Better late than never is a very good rule in general! There are very few exeptions.
As a guest, I wouldn’t think 4 months is a big deal to get the thank-you letters. It wouldn’t even raise an eyebrow. After 4 years, I’d be surprised, both eyebrows raised, but I’d still appreciate it (in that instance, it would be nice to put in a line apologizing for the lateness, that would set my eyebrows back in normal place again). After 4 months, I’d say, no apologies needed.
Just write them and send them, no need to beat yourself up about it or worry about them anymore!
Post # 11
Send them now. Personally, I’d be a little offended if I never got a note at all but a late note wouldn’t bother me. In fact, it would be a nice surprise.
Post # 12
Better late than never! Send them out. If people ask, just be honest “Life got really hectic after the wedding and I procrastinated. They are on the way!”
Post # 13
Definitely late than never! Get them sent it ASAP!
Post # 14
I would send them out with no explaination. If someone specifically mentions something, just say that you have a lot of stresseful things going on and the cards got put on the backburner while you were dealing with things. It can be impossible to do some of the simplest tasks when you’re dealing with depression, so don’t beat yourself up over it! Just focus on getting yourself to a good place.
Post # 15
You are a good person, OP! You are doing a great job. No one is ashamed of you. 🙂
@joya_aspera: Also +1 to this. I think I’d be sort of tickled if I got a thank-you card after 4 years, actually.
Post # 16
@mchitt329: Absolutely not. There is no “one year” grace period for sending out thank-you notes. Ideally, thank-yous should be written the same day you receive a gift. For most weddings this is not practical, so the rule of thumb is to get them out within 3 months.
@helpmeplease29: Maybe focusing on feeling gratitude for the love that came with all those gifts will help ease your depression as you write those notes. Just get them out ASAP, with no comments or excuses for your lateness, and you’ll have a wonderful feeling of accomplishment when you’re done. After all, you have half of them done already, just not mailed yet, right?