Post # 1
Does anyone ever think that your SO or DH especially would be better off without you? Becasue I do. He’d be so much better off if he never met me. I can’t adapt to the military lifestyle and my inability to do that makes him stressed and upset all the time. I cost so much money – things I didn’t need before I was married – omg, pregnancy tests are NOT cheap. He doesn’t volunteer for deployments that would help his career anymore because of me. My cats ruined his couch while we were away for a week. Of course, he’s never said any of these things bother him, but how could they not? Am I alone here?
Post # 3
Sweetie, I am sorry you are feeling that way, but I must confess I feel the same way sometimes because the stress of his deployment has my mind wondering if he is safe, injured, or missing when I dont talk to him. I try not to voice my concerns because I dont want to stress him out with what he is doing. On the inside my heart is breaking and there is not one that seems to understand how I feel unless they are in it.
We must remember they chose us to love and propose too and I know it is hard but we have to remember that because we love them and vice versa. I know at some point it will get easier but what we are feeling is hard.
If at anytime you want to PM me we can help each other through the difficult times.
Post # 4
I can only relate on being a military bride. My husband deploys more than he is home and it’s such a lonely life.
I have no advice for you, on that front. For me, I literally just said, “This is the life I chose. This is my husband’s career. I need to support him.” and while it blows, I am a good housewife who keeps busy and waits for her husband to come home. I literally just sucked it up and dealt. It doesn’t get any easier, you just get easier with coping.
I wish I had any advice for you.
Post # 5
Thanks. But it’s just not the military stuff. And it’s not that the life is hard on me that’s the problem, it’s just my isolation and loneliness wears on him. I mean, I was lonely before, but no one cared. Now he does, and he shouldn’t have to. He shouldn’t have to spend money on me, but he has to (I do work, but he makes more than I do). He was so much better off, financially, emotionally, even physically, before he met me. I hate being such a burden on him when he’s not a burden on me.
Post # 6
@starrynight: buy those tests at the dollar store! That’s not going to solve any of your isolation issues but maybe save you some cash!
Post # 7
@starrynight: Your comment makes me think that maybe you do have bigger self esteem issues as your earlier post said your marriage counsellor told you. Not to say your husband doesn’t have is own issues with how he treats you, but it sounds to me like you’re depressed.
Have you tried meeting new people, doing new things? Are there things you’ve always wanted to try? I know depression prevents people from taking action, but it sounds like you really need some major motivation (aka a kick in the pants!). I’ve had very mild bouts of depression and I find that even when I do a small thing in the right direction I feel more in control and better about myself. Then I start doing a little more and so on.
Post # 8
If your perspective is that your lonliness is wearing on your SO….. then you owe it to both of you to STOP being lonely. Get a full rich life that he ADDS to instead of a life that isn’t complete without him.
Post # 9
Well, I tried out several churches and Bible studies, got my masters degree, have tried the spouses club, took a cooking (and photography class), and still haven’t met friends. So really it’s not for lack of trying. I do think the depression came after the isolation, and I’ve tried to find a way out of it, but trying new things hasn’t worked.
@mamadingdong: We don’t have Dollar Stores here! I tried Dollar General and they didn’t have them, boo.