(Closed) Between rock and hard place HELP!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What should I do?
    Agree with FMIL and "settle" for photographer #1 : (3 votes)
    8 %
    Dissapoint FMIL but get amazing photos from photographer #2 : (31 votes)
    79 %
    Drink until I forget about my problem (haha totally just kidding) : (5 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3364 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I say express your concerns to Photographer #1, giving her an opporutnity to “prove her work and business.” If you still arent happy, look at your other options and your budget!

    And still consider that drink, you deserve it with all this going on!

    BEST OF LUCK!!!

    Post # 5
    Member
    3364 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    @FutureMrsMeinhardt: hmmm great question, maybe that is something fellow Bees have experience with!!! Hopefully you’ll get some more input from the Bees!

    Post # 6
    Member
    5755 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Why is your FMIL upset you want to use someone else? Is #1 a personal friend of hers or something? It really makes no sense why she isn’t more concerned about your feelings and is more worried about the photographer.

    I’d do what you feel is best for you. She’ll get over it.

    Post # 8
    Member
    870 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Maybe you could suggest she take a few couple pictures to see her quality with you guys or maybe say that you had a friend looking for a photographer and wants to see more of her work than what she showed you. Then you can see more without it sounding like you are having second thoughts about her.

    Post # 9
    Member
    5755 posts
    Bee Keeper

    @FutureMrsMeinhardt: I agree with you, so I’m not sure why your FMIL doesn’t. You’d think she’d be more concerned with your feelings and happiness than a stranger’s.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1876 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Go with your heart and choose #2. Tell FMIL, “I’m sorry but the photos of my one and only wedding day are too important to not pick the best photog I can.” She’ll get over it.

    Post # 11
    Member
    5273 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I’m one to believe in intuitions, and it sounds like you are really regreting your decision & that is FINE! Don’t feel bad, people change their minds, and at least you arn’t breaking your contract a week before, its 4 months.

    Pictures are one of the most important components of a wedding & if your gut and intution tells you, you won’t be please, I would exit the contract now & find someone you have a good feeling about.

    Yes, you can ask the photographer to take shots, but thats just spending more time, I think that photograhers present their very best work on their websites and if you don’t like what she/he has presented, more then likely, the pics you will later take will represent the same style/eye.

    Remeber, its business, not personal.

    Post # 12
    Member
    435 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I would kindly say to photographer 1 that you and your fiance have decided to go another way with the photography and that you will no longer be requiring her services in May.

    Photos are so important.  You spend so much time/money planning it’s nice to get it captured in photography.

    Post # 13
    Member
    101 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    It sounds to me as if your FMIL is a nice person – someone who is nice to you, importantly – who really sees the value of upholding your word. I think that’s admirable. I also think she’s looking at contracts with vendors wrong. What you’re going to have to do is approach this from her viewpoint, and I think you can win. 

    Here’s the question: what does your contract with photographer #1 state? Does it state that you can cancel if you give up your deposit? I’m assuming this is the case. If so, you are not breaking your word; you are well within the boundaries of the contract you signed, and you are still honorable and honest. Being dishonest would be not canceling with this photographer and allowing her to find a new job to fill this space; being dishonest would be not paying her for her work. 

    I think you should approach your FMIL and say something like, “I admire you so much because you are so honest, and you raised your son to be honest, and I know that you obviously are concerned when you think I’m someone who would break her word. I want to show you this contract’s fine print and let you know that I only signed on knowing that I could cancel if necessary. I know I’ll forfeit my deposit, and that is the right thing to do.” Assure her that you would never try to hurt a vendor or businessperson, and that canceling soon is actually the most responsible thing to do. 

    I think if you make this a struggle of what-I-want vs. what-FMIL-wants you’ll miss the point. Bravo for her for being an upstanding woman, even if she may be misunderstanding how cancelable contracts work. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    101 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    It sounds to me as if your FMIL is a nice person – someone who is nice to you, importantly – who really sees the value of upholding your word. I think that’s admirable. I also think she’s looking at contracts with vendors wrong. What you’re going to have to do is approach this from her viewpoint, and I think you can win. 

    Here’s the question: what does your contract with photographer #1 state? Does it state that you can cancel if you give up your deposit? I’m assuming this is the case. If so, you are not breaking your word; you are well within the boundaries of the contract you signed, and you are still honorable and honest. Being dishonest would be not canceling with this photographer and allowing her to find a new job to fill this space; being dishonest would be not paying her for her work. 

    I think you should approach your FMIL and say something like, “I admire you so much because you are so honest, and you raised your son to be honest, and I know that you obviously are concerned when you think I’m someone who would break her word. I want to show you this contract’s fine print and let you know that I only signed on knowing that I could cancel if necessary. I know I’ll forfeit my deposit, and that is the right thing to do.” Assure her that you would never try to hurt a vendor or businessperson, and that canceling soon is actually the most responsible thing to do. 

    I think if you make this a struggle of what-I-want vs. what-FMIL-wants you’ll miss the point. Bravo for her for being an upstanding woman, even if she may be misunderstanding how cancelable contracts work. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    381 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I think if you are having  these serious doubts you should break the contract, I’m not sure if a photo session before the wedding will really prove anything to you since it won’t be a wedding scenario. I think you could ask to see another full wedding shoot from her portfolio before you make your final decision to switch or not. She may take amazing photos when she has a lot of time to focus on just you, but on the day of the wedding if she can’t perform quickly and get all the shots the way you want them you may forever regret it. 

    If you decide to use the other photographer just break it to your FMIL gently. Let her know that you’re sorry if your decision is disappointing but photographs are forever, you want to feel confident that you chose the right photographer. Let her know you regret making the first decision so quickly, but you now know it was the wrong one and this is not something that was easy for you to do. 

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