Beyond Frustrated — In-Law Family Drama

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2315 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Wow! First of all I just want to give you massive hugs and say how sorry I am that your MIL is treating both of you this way. Sadly it seems that she definitely has favourites and non-favourites. It is difficult to know what to do in this situation but I think if it were me then I would try and live my life as normally as possible…if MIL arranges plans and you are free then attend if you desire but if you already have plans then keep them. Seems to me that MIL just has to be centre of attention and I think if you don’t attend to her every beck and call when it is inconvenient to you then she may soon learn. I suppose it’s difficult when most other family members she treats nicely so probably can’t see how unfair she is being to you. 

Post # 4
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think your FI needs to sit down and speak to his mother. He needs to tell her that her behavior, treatment of the both of you, glaringly obvious preference for her other children, etc. will no longer be tolerated. She has two choices: continue her behavior and be cut out of your lives for the sake of your health, or grow up and treat her own son and DIL like they should be.

Post # 5
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Ugh what a nightmare. This woman clearly has no sense of boundaries with you two, which needs to change. Don’t let her bully you anymore. If she gets all dramatic and crazy try to stay calm and ignore her. Short, cordial, responses, only. She’s essentially pushing you two away from the family for her own entertainment. No one should be treated that way. I wouldn’t make a point of “we’re cutting you out of our lives” I would just stop yeilding to her requests, make her keep your boundaries, and gradually put some distance between you. That really sucks that other family members are involved. There’s only so much you can do to stay in touch with them if MIL has her claws in everyone. But yea, at this point her actions are affecting your marriage which is totally not cool and it’s time to step away from her. Good luck <3

Post # 6
511 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Your husband should have an honest talk with his parents, along the lines of, “it feels like we are making good-faith efforts to be a part of this family, but they aren’t being reciprocated.”  No accustations, no comparing one sibling’s treatment to another, just, ‘this is how your behavior/reactions is making us feel.’  They can take it as a learning moment or ignore it, but either way, you’ll have said your piece.  In terms of what YOU (as a couple) can do:  unfortunately, not much.  You have a pretty good idea of how they’re going to act/react; make your own plans accordingly. I wish taking the high road was more intrisically satisfying, but unfortunately that’s just not the case 🙁

Post # 7
1625 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@MrsEdamame:  Holy crap. I am so, so sorry you have to deal with this monster! And i feel terribly for your DH who has had to deal with her his whole life. Kind of sounds like my poor bf 🙁

I hate to say it, because it seems like you and your family are perfectly lovely with great, close relationships, but it really sounds like you NEED to sever ties. Especaily if that is what your husband wants to do. If you want to give it one final shot, both of you or just your husband should call/sit down with her and explain to her that her behavior is unacceptable and driving you away. That both of you deserve better, and if she can’t start treating you the way you deserve, she will no longer be in your lives. Then stick to your word. I’m sure it will trickle through the grapevine that she is SO appalled and hurt by this, but you need to ignore it. If she seemingly gets a wake up call and tries to mend things, definitely be open to it! Welcome it! But quit putting your time and efforts into such a horrible woman, and maybe spend more time with your side of the family who seems to have welcomed your husband and takes care of you both.

What is his father like?

Post # 8
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 1994



Sever ties with this petty , vindictive b***h as soon as possible after 11 years of that crap I’d say that you both have the patience of saints. No one deserves that kind of crap and when it starts making you sick it’s time to wash your hands of the drama llamas and be happy without them! Good luck in whatever path you choose. 

Post # 10
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with you husband. People like this are emotional vampies, they will bleed you dry. There is no rationalizing with crazy. If he is okay with cutting her off, let him. No matter what the both of you do or say she will continue to twist it. To me thats not a relationship worth investing in.


Post # 11
2328 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@MrsEdamame:  Is sending your MIL this post an option?  I don’t think it’d help but it’d be wildly satisfying.

What a terrible situation, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.  Unless your MIL has a desire to change or improve the relationship nothing you do will force her to.  At this point I’d recommend supporting your husband in whatever he wants to do.  And talk to your friends about it, it’s an awful thing to deal with and support is so important.  Good luck!!

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