Post # 1
Bees, I need your help!!!
My SO and I have been together for nearly 3 years. We knew we wanted to get married after year 1. We also agreed that we didn’t want a long engagement as well. He had some financial things to take care if before purchasing my ring, so he asked me to go ahead and set a date and find a venue. So my SO and I decided on a beach wedding >this< September.
We decided on my ring together and it arrived 2 weeks ago. I hate that I knew when it came in, (I love surprises) but he was out of town during its delivery date and had to have it shipped to my work. We decided that we could keep our wedding plans a secret from friends and most of our family until we were officially engaged.
Here’s my issue: Our wedding date is a little over a month away and I’m getting really anxious! I don’t understand why he is procrastinating. I know it takes time to plan such an important thing as a proposal, but I’m having a hard time continuing to spend money planning a wedding when there’s no ring on my finger. I know I’m lucky bc a lot of girls don’t know all that I know but I’m mainly freaking bc our wedding date is right around the corner! My best friend has offered to throw me a bridal shower which I would like to have before the wedding. You all know that a shower requires time and planning as well as sending out invitations in advance. I also want to schedule a photographer to take our engagement photos. So he needs to get on it.
His procrastination is making me confused, sensitive, and emotional. Every time I think he’s going to propose, nothing happens. Then I’m left feeling sad and disappointed. I know I should be patient and wait, but we are running out of time. Any advice as to what I should do? I’m at an utter loss!
Post # 3
I don’t really have any advice, but I’m sorry you’re in this situation. Your wedding is in a little more than a month, and you hardly have any time to enjoy being engaged. Not only do you need time to send out bridal shower invitations, but you also need to send out actual wedding invitations. Does your family know that you have your wedding date set and the wedding planned? Are you planning on having any guests come in from out of town?
It’s pretty crazy that he’s waiting until the last second to pop the question, especially since he obviously knows that answer! Does he tell you why he still hasn’t done it?
Post # 4
Honestly, I’d just talk to him about it and explain that it would be preferable if it happened in the next few days because of the tight timeline you are on. Unless he has something big planned for a certain date, it shouldn’t be a big deal for him to nudge it forward. Alas, guys can be kind of clueless about this kind of thing.
Post # 5
I don’t really understand this situation. I guess if the wedding was in 2-3 years it would make sense but for a wedding to be in less than two months, everything is planned but you’re not engaged? Have you bought the dress, booked the venue and vendors? Is he aware of everything that has been planned?
And if your family aware? Do they know they have a wedding to attend in a month?
I think you really need to speak to him. There is a lack of communication and it’s scary because the planned date is coming up.
Post # 6
I would cancel everything you booked and change the date. Did your family that DO know not wonder about why there was no engagement but you booked the venue anyway???
I’m sorry, I can’t understand why anyone would book anything without a ring and in so little time!
Post # 7
@wildfox21: Wait, what???? Who is going to come to this wedding just over a month away if no one knows you guys are even (planning to be???) engaged? I don’t understand this…
Post # 8
How long ago did he tell you to go ahead and find a venue? I understand planning ahead some without a ring or proposal in some situations, but for the wedding to be in a month and you still don’t have a proposal? That’s very strange to me. Is everything else completely planned as well like invitations, dress, food, etc?
Post # 9
If you guys have a date and venue set, then you *are* engaged. I’m really confused as well–do you have any vendors booked? Invites sent out? A photographer booked for the wedding? Your dress picked and alterations made? If not, how is this going to be done in a month? Yikes!
Post # 10
Does he know he’s supposed to be doing this, because… well… if you have both agreed to get married and have set a date and booked the gig then… you are already engaged.
Work on your communication because it does not sound like you are both on the same page.
Post # 11
I don’t understand either – so you’re planning a wedding without technically being engaged…? You def need to talk to him because your family and friends need a heads up so they aren’t busy that weekend. If nobody knows, I might just postpone it until he proposes.
Post # 12
This is so weird. It’s seems like this is really rushed if he didn’t even have time to propose yet. When did you two decide to just go ahead and set a date and when did you start planning? I’d postpone if I were in your shoes, that way he has time to propse, you guys can enjoy it for a little bit, and then family and friends have time to arrange things like schedules, accomodations etc. How are you planning to send out invites, receive them back, plan a head count with the caterers and venue, BMs and GMs outfitted, bridal and bachelor/ette parties planned etc in just over a month? You can do a lot on your own, but those are things you can’t do without people knowing you are getting married and having a wedding next month.
Post # 13
Ok, here’s a reply to everyone lol…we do have a venue on the beach. The only guests are his parents and my parents. They know of the wedding and are helping us plan everything. We are having a reception for the remaining family and friends in October, exactly 4 weeks away from the wedding date. He just needed time to be financially ready to purchase the ring and not bringing in our own debts in the marriage was very important to us. We have been talking marriage for a long time and I too had some debt to pay off before being financially ready to pay for a wedding. We are paying for it ourselves.
We don’t have to worry with invites being that our parents are the only guests and are coming with us to stay the week we have a house booked at the beach. It’s just going to be a simple, intimate ceremony that is about us.
Here’s what is done: I have the beach permit to have the wedding on the beach. I have booked a photographer, a videographer, and have a dress. All I need is to book my officiant, (which I have contacted already) get our wedding bands and my SO’s suit.
I plan to have use one of our engagement photos to make annoucements to send out annoucing our engagement and say that we are having a private wedding on “this” date at “this” place and let to expect an invitation soon to our reception.
Again, it’s almost a wedding of just us with our parents as witnesses. Very, very simple. That’s what we wanted. We eliminated having guests bc we knew they couldn’t afford a trip to the beach. And we didn’t want to pass up having a wedding where we wanted. We also decided not to have bridesmaids and groomsmen bc we wanted to keep it about us, and not have to worry about anyone else. We aren’t having a reception after the wedding at the beach. We are having a dinner back at the beach house with our parents. At then off to our honeymoon we go. 🙂
Hope this makes sense.
Post # 14
@wildfox21: If you’ve done all this–then, congratulations, you are officially engaged! Having a date and a venue means the two of you plan to enter into marriage together. That’s what engagement is. 🙂 Maybe he thinks he’s already ‘proposed’ by the fact that you two have agreed to get married. A lot of women don’t get the ‘Hollywood’ proposal, including me. We just said one day ‘let’s get married’ and bam, we had a date, venue, and ring, etc. from there.
Anyway, communication is key. If you feel unsure, just sit him down and tell him what you’ve said here. Either way, congratulations and best of luck!!
Post # 15
@MrsYokiman: Thank you! You’ve def made me feel better! 🙂 He often calls me “future wifey” so I’m sure he already feels like its official since most of everything is planned. I just want that ring already so I can announce it and tell all my friends and family! If he doesn’t do it in the next few days, I’m going to have to sit him down, otherwise I’m going to burst! 😉
Post # 16
@wildfox21: Exactly–you need to sit him down and tell him to put that bling on your finger so you can show everyone!! 😉
Congrats again and keep us updated!