- 3 years ago
My BF is a very busy person. He is in a band and also records other bands as well. He always has a project going on and is very passionate about music. He tends to have a problem with keeping trck of time and always gets home later than he said he was going to. This is an ongoing problem, well at least for me!
Here is what happen tonight:
BF goes to his friends house after dropping off his kids to the ex-wife. This is around 4pm. We randomly text back and forth while he is out. He text me around 9:30 saying he isnt sure when he will be home but will keep me posted. We talk on the phone around 11pm about how he had a couple beers, hadnt had dinner, and was upset because he wasnt sounding right on the recordings. Again, this is all pretty standard, he is a pefectionist. He told me that he was going to eat some food and sober up before coming home. While he is doing that we are texting about getting married and how excited he is to do so.
Well, 1:40am rolls around and he text me that he is on his way home. (I have no problem how long he stays out as long as he updates me and lets me know what is going on) 2am rolls around, nothing. 2:15am rolls by, havent heard from him. 2:30 passes and I start to freak out! In between 2am and 2:40 I call him around 13 times and leave a few texts. In the past when I have done this it is simply to see if he feels it and sees that I am calling. At 2:40 he calls me asking why I am freaking out. I tell him that he told me an hour ago that he was on his way and since his friend only lives 15 minutes away I got worried that something was wrong. (More on this in a second) I was crying, and making snarky comments that werent helping the situation. He got pissed and was going off as well.
When he got home we continued this fighting and he was going off about how “He is an adult, he can take care of himself, he doesnt feel like he should check in every five minutes, he didnt grow up needing to check in, texting has ruined relationships because it makes us think people can be there 24/7, blah blah blah! I was going off about how this has always been a problem and how I see it as such and he doesnt, how I trust him but fear that a drunk college kid is going to him and kill him, I dont want him to check in all the time but if a change of plans happens to let me know.
I understand that texting is “new” to him, he has only had it the last few years, and grew up in a small town where you really didnt have to check in. I have no fear in my mind that he is doing something that he shouldnt be, but it upsets me when he acts like I am trying to cage him up. My father use to work in a hospital and I would hear all the stories about people dying in car crashes and all the horrible wrecks that he saw. I also grew up being told that it is the right thing to do to inform people when your plans change if they are expecting you. I even had to carry around a walkie-talkie before I had a cell phone so they could keep tabs on me.
Things havent been settled at this point. I have been in the bedroom crying because I was so upset and sad at how our night could have gone south so fast. He is asleep on the couch. He even grabbed his pillow off the bed. He did say sorry for yelling and that he was sorry for not calling. I told him not to say sorry and not mean it and if he wasnt going to change something that has happend again and again over our almost 5-year relationship to just let me know. I dont want to think he is going to start calling and keeping me updated and then have him not do it.
At this point I dont even care who is right and who is wrong, I just wanted to vent and get it out of my system. I would like to hear from you ladies (if youre still reading) on if you and your SO have had a problem like this and how you came to an agreement. Thanks for reading and sorry its so damn long! Lol