Post # 1
I feel bad even writing this but I need to vent. Sorry in advance that it’s long.
My boyfriend moved around a lot as a child and therefore has only lived in New England for a few years now. He didn’t go to college so he doesn’t have those college friendships and he lives a few hours away from where he went to high school (and he’s 30 years old) so he doesn’t have a group of friends from when he was younger.
He just started a new job and was hoping to meet some new people, but he came home last night visibly upset that nobody talks to him there. A little back story-he works in an industry that usually is very small businesses. He is in the art field so he spends a lot of time at work designing and producing things and not working with a team. There are only a handful of people in his office (2 being the owners of the company) and the rest just aren’t his type (i.e-they smoke pot, drink a lot etc.). Like I said, he is 30 years old, we are recent first time homeowners and we arent into the clubbing, getting drunk on the weekends scene anymore.
I am sort of the opposite. I grew up in this area and have close friends from high school and college. I work for a very large company and I am social all day long. I do make time for friends and have “girl nights” and if its a couples thing then he is more than happy to come along with me. He is social and I can see he tries hard when we meet people. For example, we went to an event a few weeks ago for my college and he was only going to know 1 other person there besides myself. He amazed me at how much he talked to people, asked questions, joined in the conversation etc. So its a not an issue of him not being anti-social or making an effort…he just doesn’t have friends.
I have looked into meetup.com but I havent had much luck finding anything yet. Most events in my area happen during the week and we both work late. Ive thought about taking a cooking class together because hes a great cook but they are pretty expensive so its not really something we could do more than a few times.
He has hobbies like sports, home improvement projects (which take up a lot of our free time lately), biking, etc. but I know what he really wants is a buddy to go grab a drink with or watch the game with. He has made comments before about how he doesnt have friends, and it absolutely breaks my heart.
Anyone else out there have this problem? Any advice?
Sorry for the long vent!!
Post # 3
This is actually one of my biggest fears for when DH and I eventually move back to Philly, where I’m from and he knows no one. I’d encourage him to keep trying at work, sometimes coworkers are standoffish at first then warm up after a while. He might eventually have something in common with someone that leads to hanging out. Also, try the 6 degrees of separation thing – does he know anyone who has friends in Boston? We actually befriended a friend of DH’s brother who knew no one in NYC and they are thick as thieves now. Also, there’s always club sports or maybe he can get in on a fantasy draft and meet people that way!
Post # 4
I would just give it time, honestly. Especially as some of your friends get married, why not set up double or triple dates and hope he hits it off with the guys? My FI has a similar story (moved around a ton as a kid, came to Ohio for college and then lost all his friends when he made a lifestyle shift from drinking/partying to giving up alcohol and drugs entirely, worked in an office where everyone was a lot older, etc).
Things have gotten a lot better for him since more people have gotten hired on at his work and he’s made some good friends there by suggesting they start regular poker nights. Now every 2-4 weeks they have poker nights and he gets some guy-time. Also I’ve made an effort to introduce him to guys in my life (like one of my bffs is a guy and is actually now one of our groomsmen because he got close to my FI). I feel like this problem is really lessening as we get older and settle down more because we’re both more interested in hanging out with couples anyways, and we’re also starting to find more people that are a bit more settled like we are.
Post # 5
Are there any groups (like the meetups you mentioned) he can join? Any hobbies? Group sports or something? You mentioned biking. Perhaps a cycling group? I know in our area they have cycling groups for people to ride together! He may enjoy that!!
Post # 6
What about your friends husbands, or bfs? Maybe do some double dates, or have some couples over for game nights or dinner party, wine club, or something along those lines. If you meet up with the same people often enough, I think some friendships will naturally develop.
Post # 7
I agree with @Jenn23. In NY we have a group called Zog Sports. You join a sports team and play every weekend. I think that would be great for him if he is into that kind of stuff! I am sure Boston offers something along the same lines
Post # 8
I know that there are some places where you can take classes for cheap (I think it was in Cambridge, a friend of mine was thinking of taking dance lessons there before her wedding. Cambridge community school maybe?). It’s hard since you said you both work late, but I have some friends who joined bowling leagues and darts teams in Boston and seem to have made some good friends. Maybe you could see if that is something he would be interested in? Also, I used to play in a free Texas Hold ‘Em league. It was held in bars around the area, and it was a great way to meet people and have something fun to do!
Post # 9
He could join Boston Ski and Sports club! They put on events every week! I have a couple friends who work for them and are constantly meeting new people who have just moved to the area. (and the cool thing is alot of their stuff happens at night when everyone gets out of work!)
Also they have pretty cool teams you can join… ie Kickball!
My FI is the same way… he doesnt have any friends! His closest friends now are the BF or Husbands of my friends! GOod Luck!
Post # 10
As someone who moved to Boston not knowing anybody, with a husband who knew a lot of people there, here’s what I have done:
– Taken classes. I love photography, and so I took classes that were group focused, and also had darkroom access so that I could hang out and do processing with peple.
-Organized people to try rock climbing. This may not work with his work friends, but maybe you have some friends he clicks with? It’s a great way to branch out even more, because there are meet up groups that go climbing, so the social network builds quickly.
-Volunteered. This was huge. It opens up a big network of open, caring people, who are often around their 20-30s. Tons of fun, and a great thing to do.
You said he likes biking – maybe there are meetup groups online he could join for group rides?