(Closed) BF is friends with his ex… (long ranty post)

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2860 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@laughs:  Kill her with kindness and start asking HER for favors all the time.

Post # 5
Member
6745 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Are you dating Christian Grey?? 

All jokes aside, I wouldn’t be comfortable either.  Actually, I probably would have never said ok to him maintaining a friendship there.  What is the point?  She’s part of his past, not his future and thus should not be part of his present either.  Maybe if they had been friends for a very long time before, I could understand. But…

Well, I’ll explain first that I always maintained friendships with all my exes and then I found “the one” and decided I didn’t want to maintain friendships with any of them anymore for fear of the potential hurt that my “the one” would feel at any point in our relationship.  I never want to fight with my FI bc of one of my exes!  I don’t care if we were friends before, I have plenty of good friends and once you’ve slept with someone, the friendship is pretty much over.  This is just MY view, MY opinion and it’s worked really well for my FI and I.  I’m still FB friends and sometimes gchat or FB msg some of them just to catch up or when I see something and go, “Hey, X would really love to read this article” or whatnot. And I used to be the one who was like, “If you’re dating me, you’re friends with X, too.”  (I had a few Xs, too).  But that stopped pretty early on in my relationship w/ FI.  And not because of him – but bc of ME.  I saw this was going somewhere, those relationships/friendships were not and I didn’t want them to interfere with me and my FI’s relationship.

IMO, he’s still holding on to something in the past with her.  Not sure what and I’m not saying it’s romantic or anything, but you should be able to fulfill everything he needs in life without her. 

I would NOT be comfortable with becoming part of this seemingly disturbing family, either.  I would put my foot down and say – she’s YOUR friend, not MINE.  YOU can maintain a relationship with her, I want NONE of it.  That 11 year old girl should have plenty of school-aged friends to have a good time with, she doesn’t need you.  And that 50 year old woman should find herself someone new.

But seriously, this really reminds me of Christian Grey and his “Mrs. Robinson” lol

Post # 6
Member
2860 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Let us know how that works. I bet it will work better than fighting about it. Remember to ask her for favors. Buy the drinks and say “don’t worry, you can pick it up next time”

Post # 7
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Your bf doesn’t get to decide for you who your friends are, in the same way you don’t decide for him who his friends are. He’s stepping over the line here and he needs to be told to back off. I don’t see any reason to fight about it – a calm “no, thanks” ought to do it.

Also, there is something creepy about this woman wanting to insinuate herself ito your life. 

 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
2860 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@laughs:  i think that is it, kind of a “mom” attachment. If she starts calling too much, it can be a problem but it doesn’t sound like it is too much. When she starts dating someone else again, it will probably slow down even more.

Post # 12
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Yeah I’m pretty laid back, Although I chose not to be friends with my exes, my Fi is the opposite. He still close with his high school girlfriend and we socialize wit her and he sees her on her own, she coming to our wedding. 

However she really nice and respectful of boundaries and Fi also keeps lines clear. So it doesn’t bother me. Your boyfriend wants these people actively involved in your life. I think he doesn’t have clarity about the situation and personally I wouldn’t put up with it. At a certain point he needs to decide who is more important you or her.

Post # 13
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

My husband also experienced the “first love” sentiment with me. Luckily, he either hates or doesn’t give a single damn about any of his exes so meddlesome exes aren’t an issue here.

I’d honestly find it weird if I was serious with a man and he wished to remain friends with his ex. I’d tell him to move on already or I’ll move on. It’s one thing to be civil if you run into an ex every now and then, but maintaining a friendship? I’d draw the line.

Post # 15
Member
1360 posts
Bumble bee

Hahaha I can’t believe what he’s asking of you! I’m friends with my ex but even though my SO doesn’t mind, I would NEVER expect him and SO to be friends. 

It’s creepy that he wants to include her in your life. I think your BF doesn’t understand; there’s no way, if you told him why you don’t want to hang out with her, that he wouldn’t understand. I mean, obviously you don’t want to see his ex! Talk to him again, or if he doesn’t get it, write him a letter. Get your point across to him.

Post # 16
Member
2750 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@futuremrsk18:  hahaha I thought the same thing. Christian Grey.

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