- 5 years ago
Okay, so, before my boyfriend dated me he was in a 3 year relationship that was very bad and very emotionally abusive… The woman (let’s call her A) was 19 years older than him… (my BF is 31, she’s 50) and has an 11 year old daughter (not my boyfriend’s, from a previous marriage). My BF had a bad childhood, absent parents, etc, so really, it doesn’t take a degree in psychology to realize what was going on in this relationship.
Anyway, when I met my BF we pretty much fell in love instantly, and he let me know right away that I needed to be okay with him being friends with his ex. I, of course, said okay.
I have met A and her daughter a few times now, and I don’t find them particularly off-putting, but it drives me crazy because I feel like she really tries to maintain some control over my BF. She doesn’t seem to contact him for social reasons, only to do her favors that “no one else in the world can POSSIBLY do!” I feel like she’s manipulative.
I have never told him that I’m not okay with him being friends with her, I mean I’m not thrilled about their relationship, but I don’t feel at all threatened by her in a “he’s going to go back to her way” (they never even were in love, never even considered engagement or marriage, and my BF and I have definite plans for the future), so I’ve tried to just kind of let it play out. They don’t see each other often, and I know that “forbidding” him from seeing her would only make ME the bad guy, so I’m definitely not going to do that.
Anyway, here is the real problem… he has started pestering ME about becoming friends with her (and spending time with her daughter) and I honestly have NO INTEREST in that. I don’t feel comfortable around her! Also, we tried to set up a few “double dates” with her and her then-bf (they broke up) and instead of bringing her BF, she brought her daughter! I’m fine being polite and socializing with my BF’s adult ex, I’m not really comfortable being part of this “family.”
Anyway, yesterday my BF showed me a text he had gotten from A’s daughter that said “I really like Laughs, when can I see her again?” and it started a whole fight.
I don’t know what to do… I’m willing to accept that he has a “friendship” with his ex, but I’m sick of being the bad guy because I don’t want to be a part of it! I’m friends with all of his other friends, is it so unreasonable for me to draw the line at exes?
Ugh, sorry, long rant.