Post # 1
Yesterday my boyfriend mentioned that he spoke with two of his female friends at work and neither one of them wanted an engagement ring. (One is in a serious relationship and wants only an inexpensive wedding band. The other is already married and, supposedly, wears only a wedding band.) He said “they both thought engagement rings were a waste of money and that the money could be better spent elsewhere”
I wasn’t sure why he was telling me this information and I retorted “Do you resent having to buy me a ring?” He said “no” that he was just “making conversation.”
I”m not sure what to make out of his comments and whether to believe that he had no deeper purpose behind bringing up his friends. I am a little upset because I have provided him with a very valuable heirloom diamond so he doesn’t even have to worry about a center stone.
Am I being too harsh? Am I overanalyzing his comments?
Post # 3
@jackndiane: “Am I overanalyzing his comments?”
Yes you are. My guy thinks the same thing. Did I get the ring? Yes. Did he spend good money? Yes.
Post # 4
@jackndiane: I’d take him at his word unless he brings it up again.
You asked point blank if he had a problem and he said he didn’t. If he’s got more to say on the subject the ball is in his court.
Post # 5
I think your guy was in all honesty just making conversation at work- and then relayed other people’s opinions on the subject to you. Since there is such a huge pressure on guys and getting their girl a “decent” ring (whatever that is supposed to mean), it might have been new for him to speak to people who didn’t place a high value on the ring.
Post # 6
From what you reported of the conversation, I would not worry about it. He is most likely just repeating what they told him- not implying he thinks the same way.
Post # 7
I agree with the other bees that you’re overanalyzing a bit. Maybe he’s actually trying to “trick” you or make you think he’s not into getting a ring because he already has one and is proposing soon? I’ve heard of guys doing similar things before.
Post # 8
Maybe you guys are right. It was just hurtful because I feel like I have been SO good about the ring. I have (1) provided the diamond (2) only looked at very affordable settings that I know would not break the bank and (3) repeatedly reminded him that he doesn’t have to spend a ton of money. So, he certainly shouldn’t feel pressure from me. I’m actually a little hurt because I feel like I have been much more accomdating and considerate than the average woman.
Post # 9
I think you are overanalyzing. He was probably surprised to hear that from women, and thought it would be interesting to bring up.
(and, although I love my ring, I do agree that they are an expensive illiquid investment whose budget could be much better spent in retirement investments, emergency funds, home down payments, etc for nearly every single person who purchases one. But I’m still happy I have it 🙂 ).
Post # 10
I am one of those women that never wanted an e-rings and told my FI I would rather have a more expensive wedding band and put the rest of the money into something else, and I do know many women who I work with who have engagement rings but after a few years of marriage only wear their wedding band, so I do understand his co-workers… but just because he repeated it to you doesnt mean he resents having to buy you a ring.
Post # 11
I think you have a right to be upset. Sometimes the advice of female friends can count more for guys than what we have to say, and just because the friends say they are satisfied with having an inexpensive band doesn’t mean that’s what you want. Would you feel engaged without an engagement ring? I have been in that situation once in the past and it was awful. I’m hella glad I didn’t follow through with that engagement, and my boyfriend who I’ve been with for 2 years has known all along that I want an engagement ring. My father felt like it wasn’t real before and in my opinion it really wasn’t. He is supportive that I should have a real ring to be really engaged.
Post # 12
@OmigoshesGrrrl: I sort of agree. I feel like I am asking for a very reasonable “amount” in terms of the engagement ring. (As I have stated before, I have provided the diamond and I am only looking at very inexpensively priced settings). So, there is a part of me that feels like he is “getting off a lot easier” than the “average” guy. In other words, I feel like I am meeting him well more than half way on this thing. So, I would be really hurt if he thought that I was asking too much. I fully understand women who do not want the ring, but that is not me.
Post # 13
Given what you mention of your situation, it seems like he’s just making conversation. At most maybe he’s checking that your desire to wear a ring comes from personal desire rather than just feeling like it’s the thing to do, but since you’ve provided him with an heirloom diamond, it wouldn’t make sense that he’s hinting that he doesn’t want to buy you a ring.
I think you’re overanalyzing. Everybody does it, but there’s really no sign here that he meant anything by it.
Post # 14
1) I think he was just making conversation because those girls opinions are so far outside the norm of what most guys here about engagement rings
2) It sounds to me like the first girl is probably managing their expectations based on her own financial situations.I bet if that girl was given a beautiful, traditional diamond engagement ring, she’d be over the moon.
3) It’s true that many married women choose only to wear their wedding bands day to day, but I bet when she gets dressed up for a nice evening out, she slips on her diamond engagement ring for added bling and it makes her feel special, just like yours will, whether you wear it everyday or every once and a while.
Post # 15
- Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016
@Entangled: I second that! (:
Post # 16
If he isn’t asking for the ring back, then I wouldn’t worry about. Maybe he does think it was a waste of money that could have been spent elsewhere…tooooo late now! You have the ring, so he’ll have to just be good with it.