Post # 1
Hi so I have been a lurker for nearly a year now and joined up about 2 months ago and this is my 1st post. So here goes. SO and I have been together for just over a year he’s 25 i’m 27.
The other day SO and I were talking and I told him mum asked when we would get hitched as it was my bday and I wasn’t getting any younger. He had a laughed and asked “so when are we getting married”. I told him 2 years after he asked as I didn’t want to be rushed. He looked shocked about the 2 years even though I had told him this ages ago. So he says “so I better get ring” and I told him if he wanted to he better get on it. Then he went on about how he would pick the wrong ring and I would hate it etc and I should go shopping with him for it. I said no, it was he thing and he had to do it. So i told him to grab the laptop and show me what he thought I ‘d like. He picked all the perfect rings and then i showed him my perfect ring(my avi). Then he said he didn’t know my ring size and I told him that too. It was a very casual conversation that he led most of the time and asked all the questions, so there was no pressure from me at all.
An hour later we are watching tv and he says “so I have to sepnd 3 months salary on a ring?” I told him no he didn’t have to just one month was fine and most of my friends rings were one month salary or less. He said alright and the night went well. Fast forward 2 days he goes all distant and we are fighting so much about a car I wanted to buy. So for 2 weeks he’s “busy” and can hardly see me for more than 2 hrs twice that 1st week and he is all withdrawn, but still messages me each day and is still lovely when he does, it was just once or twicea day as opposed to throughout the day. I asked him what was wrong he just said he was busy, so I left it and got on with life. Then all of a sudden yesterday he shows up at my place and is so over the top lovey-dovey telling me how much he has missed me and loves me is suddenly back to normal.
Just wondering if the ring talk put him off, or he was just going through a man phase in his cave. Thoughts?
Post # 2
First of all, welcome to the Bee!
Second, I think you are overthinking it. He has proabably not made the connection from that conversation to the fight about the car or him being busy. If he is “suddenly back to normal”, I be he was honestly just busy. He could have been doing some ring shopping, and since you were clear that he was to do that on his own, he would have to ditch you somehow to do it.
Third, I am curious as to why you are hard on the line of him picking the ring himself, when you have something specific you want. Seems like you are setting yourself up for a dissapointment. If he asks you to go with him and you don’t go, what you show him is merely a suggestion -he has the right to buy what he sees fit, without you being upset at the end. He gave you the opportunity for direct input, and you shot it down.
If everything is back to normal now, I say it’s best to leave it alone.
Post # 3
I agree, it was just a busy time for him, it’s not related to the ring talk. He didn’t seem bothered or frightened or anything, but rather talkative and interested in the matter 🙂 Don’t worry!
Post # 4
- Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand
Two weeks doesn’t seem like a long time to be distant, he probably was in fact really busy, especially since you mentioned he did text you throughout that time just not as often as usual. That being said, I do agree with BrownPlaidBook in that if you are refusing to go with him to pick out the ring, you can’t really be upset if he picks something completely different that what you showed him.
Post # 5
Wow thanks guys I never looked at it as me shooting him down now I feel like a cow. How do I bring it up again to him and say I will go ring shopping with him. Iguess I was just so afraid that he would think I was pressuring him to do it and I am rather traditional that way, with the guy picking the ring and surprising you. I would love whatever he got because he putte effort into picking it and choosing it. Not me just picking it and him paying. Do you guys think I could offer to help him now?
Thnaks so much, he is back to normal now and things seem fine.
BrownPlaidBook: mixtaperomance: BunnyJaques: