(Closed) BF Reading My Private Messages! Pissed!

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’d be livid. We each have our own laptops. I don’t even like it when he peeks all over at my side of the screen!

Sounds like it may be fueled by more than curiosity, but you never know. Sometimes they’re just being a nosy POS!

Post # 4
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

Hmm…this isn’t cool. Is he normally really insecure? Maybe make sure you’re logged out of FB the next time you’re finished, or change your password. I know it’s not fun to not be able to trust your significant other, but you haven’t given him a reason not to trust you. And now you can’t trust him to not look at your private messages! Sometimes, girls just need to be girls and talk things out with girlfriends. I’d be upset with this too!

Post # 5
Member
1392 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - Heron Hill Winery

FI doesn’t really go into my FB but sometimes reads my wedding bee posts and occasionally mocks me because of them.  Just because they are super girly not because he thinks I am lame (or does he LOL).  I told him to be careful because I could be posting pictures of the dress, etc and stuff he wouldn’t want to see.  He got the hint, I think…

It would kind piss me off though if he was going through my personal messges cuz it would seem he didn’t trust me or something.

 

Post # 6
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Change your password.  I recently did this because FI was all, “ohhhh I know your password to everything — it’s ******”  And that’s true.  So I went through and changed everything.

To your point, that would annoy me too.  Like what would be the reason for reading your FB messages…?  Weird.  I would think he doesn’t trust me or was just being a snoop.  Just let him know how you feel about it and change your passwords.

Post # 7
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

That would really annoy me.  I don’t see the reason why he would feel the need to read your private messages.  It’s not like they have to do with him in any way.  I guess you should just log out of your accounts and if you think he knows the password, then change it.  Also, I would have a discussion with him about why he feels the need to read your private conversations with your friends.

Post # 8
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Personally, I don’t think changing the password is the solution.  This is the man you are going to marry…you should speak with him about boundary and privacy issues and your relationship.

That being said, it sounds like things are a little tense right now.  Perhaps “please don’t do this because I feel like you are invading my privacy” now and a more in-depth conversation later?

Post # 10
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Hm I guess we are totally different in this area…We have always had an open door policy on all of our emails/ texts everything. 

Neither of us are particularly jealous people but we both have some areas that rub us the wrong way so we just agree that we can read each others stuff any time we want to but that is our agreement. I can totally understand being upset if he sneaks or has to lie about how he read it. 

I think you guys need to really talk about boundaries and trust. 

Post # 11
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I’d be pissed. Seriously, seriously pissed. FI and I also have an open door text/email thing going on but that’s because we trust each other and it works for us. If, however, there were something I didn’t want him to read, he wouldn’t and vice versa. You need to have that talk NOW about how not OK it is to go snooping because honestly, I think it’s also a respect thing. There are boundaries and there is trust, and there is respect. It isn’t that he doesn’t trust you, it’s that you have a legitimate desire to keep some things just for yourself, and he needs to respect that.  

Post # 12
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yeah, definitely log out from now on.

FI and I certainly do NOT have an open door policy on texts/emails/FB.  I’m not hiding anything (besides email confirmations for gifts or something) but I just don’t want him reading my stuff.  It’s just none of his business.  I don’t want him reading my silly drunken texts to my girlfriends, my friends’ relationship problems, my mom complaining about our family, etc. etc.  In fact, just last week, my best friend sent me a VERY VERY personal email about a slew of personal problems she’s having.  If FI read that, I would be beyond furious.

So, I hear you, girl.

Post # 13
Member
350 posts
Helper bee

Having passwords or logging out really isn’t the issue here (and it sounds like you know that too.)  It is a matter of TRUST which for whatever reason isn’t in place right now.  My husband has all my passwords, I have his and we never snoop or worry about the other snooping.  Neither of us ever logs out of our emails or facebook either.  If I need something from his email I ask if it’s ok first, or at least give him a heads up, and he does the same thing with me.  It’s really important that you establish these boundaries and let him know, in no uncertain terms, that reading your private messages is unacceptable to you.  I guess I’m just a super ridiculous private person, but I might have even ended a relationship over something like this!

Post # 14
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t see why you are angry, to me that means you are sending messages to people that you wouldn’t want him to know about… if your doing things on FB that you don’t want him to see/read/know about … should you be doing it?

My partner knows my log in details and goes onto my account everyday to play mafia wars… i have nothing on there that i wouldn’t want him to see… i don’t care if he goes into my private messages and reads them, the only reason i send private messages is because i don’t want to post something on someones wall or i’m giving someone a phone number or address.

I tell my partner EVERYTHING… he knows all the convo’s i’ve had with my girls and even private convo’s i’ve had with them FB or not. He knows all about me and i know all about him… we’re going to be getting married soon and becoming one… nothing should be a secret.

Post # 15
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@BabyPebbles: Sorry, but I don’t agree.  Personal and private information about my friends and family is none of FI’s business unless I volunteer that information myself.

Post # 16
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I guess its each persons preference, but I’m ok with hubs looking at most of my stuff. Not that he would, unless I specifically asked him to.  I have nothing to hide, and we don’t snoop or have any reason to. I would find out why he did it, cuz it seems like there is something underlying there that made him do it… unless he’s just nosey

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