(Closed) BF will never propose

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2858 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

He’s not a mind-reader…how is he supposed to know you WANT to, and soon, if you’ve never even mentioned it? Maybe he thinks you’re happy keeping things the way they are?
I would definitely bring it up, in a non-threatening non-pressuring way. Tell him that at some point in your life that you would like to be married, and at some point after that you would like to have children. Tell him you would like for these things to happen with him. Tell him that while you are not telling him you need those things right away, you need to know that he wants the same things as you do AT SOME POINT. Say you’re not expecting a ring this year, or even possibly next year…but you need to know that at some point these things will happen in this relationship, because if he doesn’t feel the same way, you need to find someone who wants the same things you do. I said these exact same things to FI after just 10 months together. I knew right away with him that he was “the one”. I wanted to make sure he saw our future in the same way I did. He bought a ring a few months later, and proposed a couple months after that.

Post # 6
Member
631 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

What do you mean “it’s not your place?”

If you stick around and don’t say anything, he’ll think everything is fine and dandy and nothing will change.

Post # 7
Member
2858 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@beegirl458:  

I think 7 years would be a long time to date before engagement, IF you were older. But you’re 23. As long as you are happy to wait a few years before the marriage and babies then I think it’s fine. It’s about what YOU want, not what others are telling you you SHOULD be doing regarding your life’s timeline. Everyone’s different. We’ll have been together 5 years when we marry, engaged for almost 4. You can have as long a pre-engagement/engagement as you want hon. It’s up to you.
I think all you want here is for him to say “I want to marry you eventually, and this is my timeline on that”, am I right? Do you want him to propose right away or are you happy just to know that he wants to propose to you and marry you, at some point in the future?

Post # 8
Member
2858 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If you’ve been together for 5 years and you feel it’s “not your place” to bring up a discussion of your own life, his life, and your lives together….then maybe this isn’t the relationship for you. Why don’t you feel comfortable with this? Has he made any comments previously that would make you think he 1. doesn’t want to get married, or 2. doesn’t want to get married to you?

Post # 11
Member
2858 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

But it IS your place since you are the other half to this relationship. You should get a say and an opinion on where your life will be headed, with whom, and what the next step is. You don’t have to drive him crazy over it…I don’t think you should be bringing it up constantly and hounding him until he proposes. But it can’t hurt to ask him once where he stands on it, and what he thinks his timeline is, if he even wants to marry you!
And you’re living in an age where men can marry men, and women can marry women, and women can propose to men should they so choose! You don’t have to propose to him, but after 5 years you should feel comfortable enough to express your wishes to him, without fear of judgement or retaliation.

Really…you just need to be honest with him, and reassure him you’re not telling him to do it NOW.

Post # 12
Member
1462 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

You asked what our thoughts are on this? My thoughts are that this arrangement is ridiculous. He knows perfectly well what comes next when a long term relationship is going well (because all his friends are married or engaged) so my thoughts are that you should take some initiative and start talking to him about what you want and need in your relationship. This isn’t 1912, it’s 2012. Women are allowed to talk about their wants, needs, and goals in a relationship.

Post # 13
Member
10369 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Uhhhh

I will NOT bring up the topic of marriage at all. I feel that it is not my place and if he wants to get married he will ask on his own terms. Obviously he’s not ready yet.

Yeah, this isn’t even remotely true. Relationships are about communication. You aren’t engaged because you and your boyfriend are doing the “If they wanted to get married the other one would say something” game. He’s not a mind reader. And this is a spectacularly unhealthy way to have a relationship. It’s a very immature way to go about things.

Post # 15
Member
10369 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@beegirl458:  Why would you want to wait two more years if you don’t know where the relationship is headed and is quite possibly not the future you want? That isn’t logical, actually.

The topic ‘BF will never propose’ is closed to new replies.

Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors