BFF– abuse and now cancer

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
2783 posts
Sugar bee

@kw948103:  he’s sounds like a disgusting pig. I don’t know what you can do but be supportive of your friend and be there for her as a shoulder to cry on. I’d also suggest not bringing up the husband anymore. It sucks, but if she can’t see what he’s doing to her, there’s not much you can do. Let him make himself look bad, he seems to be doing pretty great at that already

Post # 4
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Oh my.  This whole situation is just awful.  Definitely be there for her as much as you can but it might not be the right time to talk to her about leaving him.  You said her parents were supportive of a separation – does she have a good relationship with them?  If she were to leave him, could they support her during this critical time?

Post # 7
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@kw948103:  That makes me want to vomit. He’s absolutely disgusting, oh my god. I am so, so sorry for your friend (and that you are having to deal with this situation second-hand as her friend). Support her by being there for her. Listen to her. Let her vent to you if she needs to – but my word of advice is to omit him out of your conversations with her altogether. Don’t try to tell her how horrible he is (though I’m sure you both are aware of that), because if she turns and takes his side, you will lose a friend and she will lose someone that would truly be there for her in a crisis. Just let her know you are always a shoulder to lean on.

As far as your anger towards him goes, I wouldn’t just ‘let it go’. He’s an asshole, and an abuser, and clearly manipulative. Don’t let your friend know you’re harboring anger, but also do NOT let your walls down around him.

Post # 9
631 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@kw948103:  Ugh. This is quite predictable behavior for an abuser when something like this happens – it’s a way of directing attention and sympathy towards themselves while painting a saintly portrait of themselves. Honestly, it’s abusive and manipulative just to announce this to everyone before she is ok with people knowing – he is taking that control away from her. She will need your support now more than ever. In many cases abuse can actually escalate during these crises because the abuser gets upset when their victim can no longer be victimized in the same way (i.e. a husband who sexually abuses his wife may not be able to do that if she is in the hospital), and as they become more and more anxious about potentially losing the person they have power and control over. 

Post # 10
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Ugh, what a psycho. It’s hard watching a friend go through a rough time – I would just concentrate on how you can show up for your friend and focus your energy on that, and try not to concentrate on your anger towards him (easier said than done, I know).

Post # 11
4494 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Everything about this is so sad.  It’s awful all the things this woman’s going through.  I feel for you, too, because it must be so painful to see someone you care about going through all this and the sense of helplessness you must feel.


It’ll be good for you to travel out to see her – it’s times like this when people find out who their true friends are and when they need support the most.  


God, this guy sounds like SUCH a piece of shit human being.  

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