BFF is Cheating-Again

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1416 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

i think youre doing the right thing. Dont involve yourself in her drama. She is a big girl now and needs to figure things out on her own. I really wish she would just leave her husband though, two times? jeez. 

Post # 4
Member
7286 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@lightmist:  i think youre doing the right thing. Dont involve yourself in her drama. She is  a big girl now and needs to figure things out on her own.

I agree. She wrong to try to use you as coverup. Dead wrong.

Post # 5
Member
3598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I wouldn’t be friends any more with someone who tried to drag me into that kind of crap.

Post # 6
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

  If you cheat, you are not happy, he’s probably not happy.  She should leave.  You love this girl??? She’s making you part of the cheating and  you’re good with that?  What if your DH cheats wouldn’t you want to know ….. i mean 

 

 She has no idea if she has HPV or aids from one of these guys…. frankly or any other STD.  Did you just see the Michael Douglas interview where his throat cancer wasn’t from smoking/drinking ……. yeah oral sex.   It’s not fair to her hubs.   I know it’s a vent but have you thought these things through? 

Post # 7
Member
63 posts
Worker bee

If your BFF is willing to betray the man she married, what makes you think she won’t someday betray you too?  That was the question I asked myself back when my BFF was cheating on her fiance.  So I ended our friendship.  I just couldn’t handle seeing her hurt someone like that, especially someone that she was supposed to love and protect.  Quite a few people knew she was cheating too and I certainly didn’t want to be associated with that kind of morally bankrupt behavior.  It was difficult because we were friends since the 7th grade but she changed.  She wasn’t the same person I grew up with.

Post # 8
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I agree with PP that I am not sure I could be friends w. someone like this… especially since it’s a serial thing and you’re even friends w. her hubby.

If you do want to stay friends, I would definitely stay out of it and tell her to stop talking to you about it. You’re in a very awkward position.

Post # 9
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Sorry your going through this, it sounds like a really tough situation.

totally unrelated but….

My BFF’s name is Kelly, and we graduated high school in 2006 as well! (sorry, not trying to make light of what you’re going through)

Post # 10
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

Why are you friends with this person exactly?

Post # 11
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Yeeah, she sounds like a lovely friend.
Using you for her coverup story – what a pal!

It sounds like you’re going to spend the rest of your life choosing a side in this marriage.
I’d either pick the right side (the faithful one, your “friend” is a jerk), or just get them both out of my life for good.

Post # 12
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Wow… it sounds like your best friend has put you in a hard place. I can empathize.

I know you aren’t looking for advice, so I won’t give any. But I will say that I have experienced the same thing. She cheated on her long term partner with two men and I had nearly identical experiences to yours. She finally broke up with her long term partner… and then started dating one of my friends. The cheating resumed. Ultimately, I dropped my chronic cheater BFF. I know it’s hard, but make sure that this friend is worth the headache and the heartache.

All the best, @megz06

Post # 14
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@megz06:  It’s not easy but were you supposed to be friends with people you met on the first day of Kindergarten forever ….. no.  

My own brother is toxic and I haven’t talked to him years.  My BFF from Middle school married somone that  beat her and  got pissed at me for not being her MOH at their wedding.  I get it .. it’s hard but there’s a line … right? 

There IS A KID INVOLVED you didn’t do this … she did ….. it’s not your fault … do you think keeping quiet and staying out of it all … will make their marriage better? Whipe out the possibility of STDs? nope 

 

Or do you want to keep listening to this crap for the next twenty years and try to help her figure out why her husband wants a divorce and her kid won’t talk to her.   She’s not happy, she is going to ruin this family. 

Post # 15
Member
1631 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@megz06:  Please please please do not let her BS of ‘I am unhappy and thats why it happened’ fool you.

This is advice directly to you. Cheating happens because you make yourself open to it. You don’t magically fally in love with someone else – you have to open that door (via a wink, a glance, a touch, etc). Just make sure you are never open to, nor delivering these types of advances and you will continue to have a secure, watertight marriage.

The only reason why I say this is because being around her while she is telling you her sob stories may make something like this seem reasonable (maybe not at first but after a while) and it makes friends of cheaters prone to cheating – if they do not arm themselves.

It is a full choice to do these things – never fate, love, un-happiness – nothing. Just choices.

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