- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
I just needed to vent – first off, let me tell you that these recent developments are VERY out of character for my friend, and I’ve never heard her speak to anyone, much less me, this way.
One of my best friends since freshman year of college (12 years ago – we’re 30 now) has recently stepped back from our friendship (her words) because it’s too hard” for her to hear how happy I am with my SO when she’s not happy in her life (she specifically said this). She has been with her SO for 3 years, and he has had trouble finding a job (he’s an attorney), they don’t live together and no engagement seems to be imminent. She’s unhappy with her job, and her living situation, and lately has been questioning her relationship, even saying she was thinking of maybe breaking up with him.
Anyways, I wrote a long email to her expressing how I will be there for her no matter what she decides, I want her to be happy, whether that’s with or without him, etc. I said that it makes me frustrated at him (pointing out that I don’t know him well, only met him 1x briefly, hardly spoke to me, and we live far apart) that he’s making her (unintentionally) sad due to his unemployment issues, delay in trying to work toward moving in together, getting engaged, etc.
Didn’t hear from her for 2 weeks, but thought she was busy (sometimes we go that long without talking), then this week after I asked if she got the present I sent her to cheer her up she tells me hurtful things were said in the email which totally floored me, because I was completely unaware that she felt that way, emails can be misconstrued, and I wanted to clear it up. She refused to talk to me on the phone, and emailed me back that it basically sounded like I just thought she should find a new job and it’s not that easy, and that neither me nor anyone else knows what her relationship is, it’s complicated, she doesn’t flaunt her relationship on Facebook like everytime her SO buys her a flower or card like I do (yeah, that hurt) and she has nothing more to say to me. I emailed her back (since she wouldn’t talk on phone) that I was hurt she was reading things into my email and not letting me explain, I was so sorry, just want her to be happy, I’ll let things settle down before contacting her and then I receive a text saying that we’re not in middle school, that it’s sad we need a time out and “have a good few months, few weeks, whatever it is.”
I was deeply hurt by this (we never fight like this, actually never have really fought) and completely was taken by surprise that it seems like she is harboring all of these feelings and it all came out.
My SO and family who know her say to let it go, she hopefully will get over it and we can reconcile after a cooling off period. I was so upset by this, and I’ve never experienced a Best friend “breakup” or anything – I’m just so unsure we can recover from this.
Luckily I have great friends here where I live that I am hanging out with to keep my mind off of it, and my SO has been supportive, but it’s hard – and like I said, I don’t even know how I’m going to feel if/when she contacts me again.
Anyone have a similar situation?