(Closed) HELP! My BFF is acting like a crazy person all of a sudden!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It sounds to me like your friend is depressed, and she’s taking it out on you because unconsciously she knows she can and you’ll always be there for her.  I’d let her cool off for a day or two, and send her a quick message saying ‘I’m sorry about the last email, I was trying to cheer you up because you seemed stressed out and I fear I’ve made it worse.  Just know that I love you dearly, and will always be here for you.’  It’s easy to be upset with someone who said something that hurt your feelings (like the remark about you posting your happiness on FB) but try to remember that she’s in a dark place. Sometimes when people are depressed, they spend so much time putting on a false happy face that they just need to let their crazy out on someone ‘safe’…and in this case it could be you.  You sound like a really good friend, keep it up.  Smile

Post # 4
20 posts
  • Wedding: May 2012

What a horrible situation Ms Yankee, that sounds like just what you don’t need.

I haven’t experienced exactly the same situation but I do know how it feels to be treading on eggshells around someone who is not happy and trying not to seem like you’re gloating when really you’re just incredibly happy, as you should be.

I have also, years ago, when I was very unhappy, been envious of my friends who seemed to have it all and that’s not a happy place to be either. If my experience is anything to go by, when you’re in that mindset you know you should be happy for the person and when the green-eyed monster rears its ugly head it just makes you feel even worse about yourself for thinking that way.

That is not to excuse your friends behaviour at all, but it sounds like your email hit upon some home truths, and those are always the hardest to hear. The good news is that some of my closest friends today are those who told me some things that I didn’t want to hear at the time but helped me in the long run. I hope that will be the same for you and your friend too.

I do agree with you that some time and space is needed to let this calm down.

Good luck x

Post # 5
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’ve had so-called friends pull this kind of crap on me and all I can say (FROM MY POV) is good riddens.  If she can’t be happy for you or is resenting you BECAUSE you are happy, then she is no friend.  Even if she is in a dark place or dealing with depression herself, that is no excuse to take it out on you.  Leave the door open for reconciliation if you really want to, but just know that if she is being this dramatic and unreasonable now, that is probably how she will always be.  What’s gonna happen when you buy your first house, have your first kid, etc. and she’s still stuck in the same rut?  With the exception of severe mental illness, I don’t see how she could justify treating you like this.  JMHO.

You do sound like a very compassionate and good friend though. Sorry you have to deal with this.

Post # 7
2908 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I had a similar situation with my best (male) friend when I started dating my (now) fiance. My BFF had always dated a lot and had lots of boyfriends whereas I was a lot less blessed in the dating department. I think my BFF got used to things being like that, and so it was kind of a shock for him when I suddenly had a boyfriend and BFF wasn’t necessarily the #1 guy in my life anymore. (And it’s not because I was neglecting him in any way… I’m not one of those girls who disappears when she’s in a relationship. I need my “friend” time as much as I need my “boyfriend” time!)

A few months into my relationship and less than a month before my brother’s wedding, BFF suddenly told me that he wouldn’t be my date to the wedding anymore and that he “needed a break” from me. It wound up escalating into a much bigger fight – I was upset that he was ditching me last minute after he knew how important it was for me to not be rolling solo at my little brother’s wedding – and we didn’t talk for a long time. A looong time. 

I reached out to him after eight months had passed, and we tentatively started talking again. During our break, he had started going to therapy and it really changed him, in a good way – and it made an INCREDIBLE difference in the dynamic between us. Finally, about a year after the initial blowup, we started hanging out again and eventually we sat down and had a real, honest talk about what had happened. He said that he’d always thought of us as “life partners” – not in a romantic way, but in the way that we would always sort of be the primary person in each others’ lives, and he saw me moving away from that shared Golden Girls-type future and freaked out. I admitted my mistakes, too – and from there, we’ve been able to move on with a friendship that is wonderfully close. Maybe not the same friendship we had before…. but definitely a better one.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Giving her some space is a good idea. It definitely sounds like she’s struggling with some negative feelings, whether it be envy or fear of replacement or whatever else, and that totally sucks… for both of you! Hang in there.  

Post # 9
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Totally a different situation, but when my husband was dying I spent every second I wasn’t taking care of him putting on a sweet brave face for the world so they would see how scared, stressed, etc I was.  The only person who saw the ‘real’ side was my sister, and I wasn’t always nice to her.  Thankfully for me, she understood and took it as her way to help me through a rough patch.  I’m sorry your friend is being rough on you, it’s never fun.

Post # 10
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012


You’ve gotten some great advice here.  The only thing I would add is a question.  Do you have other friends that are supportive right now?  If so, perhaps you shoud consider hanging out with those friends and talking with them during this time.  That way, you have support during your wedding planning.




Post # 11
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I think you should just let it go. She will contact you when she is ready, either with an apology for how she acted, or you will not hear from her again. Unfortunately, people do things like this and sometimes they regret them and sometimes they don’t. I know I’ve been known to lash out when I’m super stressed out, and sometimes it takes me a week or more to cool off, feel ashamed and embarassed, and come crawling back asking for forgiveness.

Just wait it out.

Post # 15
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Another similar situation here. A girl I had been friends with for 16 years has suddenly stopped speaking to me. She never even congratulated me on my engagement, in fact it was after she found out I was engaged she stopped speaking to me.

I do know what it’s about. Her own engagement broke off the year before and she was heartbroken. My fiance is extremely similar to her ex-fiance, both in terms of looks and personality so I guess that hasn’t helped. Before I got engaged she tried to put me off getting married even though I never mentioned it myself.

I know she’s hurting but now I am too. All I can do is try to understand how hard it is for her and forgive her behaviour and hope that in time she will come around to the idea. Is there any chance you can do this with this girl no matter how hard it is? Would you really want her to attend the wedding if she was being so utterly negative?

I know weddings are extremely important – I have never turned down a wedding in my life myself as I feel attending shows you support the couple and their relationship – but having negative people there might be worse than a no show. And also the marriage doesn’t end after the wedding – there’s still time after to fix the relationship if it is appropriate to and she may support you and your marriage in the long term. That’s as long as she can deal with her own feelings and not take them out on you simply because you’re happy – you deserve to be happy just as much as she does and you’ve done nothing wrong x

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