BFF thinks that I'm a gay bee

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I wouldn’t say that you are homosexual. Unless you’ve actually dated another woman, I would not classify you as bisexual either.

My husband and I used to go out with another couple that we are super close with. When we get drinking, the girl and I would have some fun lol It was just for fun and we had a blast. The guys enjoyed it to. When drinking, I throw caution to the wind lol and get very adventurous. But I am not gay or bisexual. If someone wants to call me bisexual, that’s fine but I just see it as having fun.

I am 100% into men and that’s why I married one lol

Post # 3
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think that our culture seems to link sexuality and romantic/life partner relationships and those don’t always play along the same gender lines. Assuming that you are physicallly, sexually attracted to both men and women (based on you liking the idea of sexual experience with both men and women and I assume you wouldn’t want to do that unless you found both men and women to be sexually attractive) it sounds like you have sexual interests in both men and women but perhaps don’t have romantic/life partner inclinations towards women. Since I think of the term “bi-sexual” as having more to do with physical, sexual attraction than about romantic/life partner attraction, I think it could be an appropriate term for you. However, if it’s not a term you like or think it appropraite for yourself, then don’t use it! Nobody should have to take on a label they don’t want or identify with. But I wouldn’t be offended that your friend thought along those lines.

Honestly, the clearest way to look at things is with the Kinsey scale which puts people that are completely, exclusively heterosexual at 0 and completely, exclusively homosexual at 6. Most people fall in the 1-2 or 4-5 range. It sounds like you’re in the 2 range. I suppose there could be some debate about if the term bisexual should exclusively be used for 3s in the dead middle of the scale, but I think most people, myself included, would find it appropriate to use the term for anyone in the middle section of the range (2-4).

Post # 4
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

You are whoever you want to be.  Screw labels and whoever wants to confine you to one.

Post # 5
8678 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Sexuality isn’t always black and white. There are people who fall in the grey space inbetween. You can be what you’d like to be, I wouldn’t classify you as bisexual until you’ve actually explored with someone of the same sex. Explored meaning whatever you feel would be sexual/intimate.

Post # 7
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

SoNLoveWithHim:  Hehe! I scored you right! I think the term “sexualy adventurous” is totally fine. I was just hoping you weren’t taking offense at the term bisexual, because I don’t think your friend was trying to be offensive, just using the term differently than you do.

Personally, I guess I was thinking of people that are gay but don’t don’t partake in any homosexual behavior for religious or cultural reasons and, in my mind, they’re still gay because of their desires. Thought I guess you could also call them”non-sexual” because, though they have desires, they aren’t acting on them. I typically think of “non-sexual” people as those that don’t have sexual desires towards either gender. Really it’s just different interpretations of wording. Honestly, I’ll call people pretty much whatever they want! So you can be sexually adventurous in my book!

Post # 8
1926 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Ugh, sometimes I feel like people get so caught up in labels. Sometimes things just don’t fit under a category.

Post # 12
47 posts
  • Wedding: October 2015

There’s research that points to sexual identity being on a continuum rather than individuals being placed into certain categories. The research suggests that where you sit on the continuum will change during your lifetime. That idea that our sexuality is fluid (I think there was a recent post on it). The continuum ranges between being exclusively homosexual to being exclusively heterosexual. Now that’s not to say that one day you’re heterosexual and then the next you are homosexual. People tend to move slightly from where they are currently.


I guess what I am trying to say is that you can be heterosexual with some preferences in the same sex and still be considered ‘straight’. Personally wouldn’t worry about it, they are simply labels. Call yourself whatever you feel comfortable with. It sounds like to me that your friend is a little on the judgmental side. I don’t see why it would matter if you gay, bisexual or straight with some preferences in the same sex.

Post # 13
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

distressddamsel:  +100

Humans are curious beings by nature. I don’t think wanting to act on it shoves you under the umbrella of one label or another. I think it just makes you human more than anything else. 😉

Post # 14
1028 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

distressddamsel:  +1. Sexuality is so fluid and when people choose not to label themselves, others feel its ok/proper to do it for them. I wouldnt consider you bisexual and definitely not a lesbian (HELLO! You’re with a guy!). Now if you choose to have that an encounter with a woman, then another and another and another and… Well yea, you’re tip-toeing in bisexuality…

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