BFF-would you be upset at these remarks?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Pixie26:  Don’t discuss financial info with people who have no business knowing, i.e. your friend. Next time change the subject or tell her it’s none of her business.

Post # 4
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

There’s an old saying about never discussing politics or money. I don’t agree with the former but I strongly believe that you shouldn’t be sharing such personal financial information with anyone who has no need to know it. So I’d keep schtum about your DH’s debts with this particular friend. She doesn’t appear to be offering any constructive advice.

ETA: I don’t want to come across as snarky but is “retarded” an expression that is acceptable outside the UK? I ask this because it isn’t a word that is considered appropriate here if used to describe incompetence or stupidity. 

 

Post # 6
Member
2111 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@Steampunkbride:  It depends on how politically correct you’re trying to be. Most people don’t care, at least not in my area. Retard just means slow. In fact, most dictionaries have added incompetant to its definition due to the common usage.

Post # 7
Member
6026 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

She may just be looking out for you. Considering how many couples divorce over money, it’s a legitimate thing for a friend to worry about. Frankly, if a friend of mine had married someone who didn’t know how much tuition/student loan they owed, I’d worry too! If her comments touched a nerve, then it might be wise to act on those feelings by getting some financial planning skills for/with your husband.

Post # 8
Member
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Steampunkbride:  re using the word ‘retarded’ to describe someone as stupid – I live in the states in NJ – I’m guilty of using this word in middle school and early high school years. When I started volunteering with individuals who have disabilities and are cognitively impaired, I realized how offensive the word really is. (As a School Psychologist, I still work with students who have disabilities.)

I have since ceased using that word and my friends/family have been kind enough not to use it around me as I find it offensive. There are so many other words to use – why not say stupid if that’s what you mean?

Post # 9
Member
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Pixie26:  She definitely could have been more tactful in her delivery, that’s for sure. She’s probably just looking out for you, but I’d just not mention it any more from here on out.

Prior to marrying him, I’m sure you considered that you would be merging finances. You are an adult and can make your own decisions. I agree it’s a risk, and being in debt sucks, but if you’re both honest about the situation, there’s no reason it can’t work/should hinder a successful marriage. 

I’m coming at this from being the person IN debt. I have 3 years of student loans from graduate school and a small loan from undergrad. FI did not go to a traditional college, so he has none. I was upfront with everything, and he doesn’t have a problem with it. I don’t expect him to make payments on my loans, but I recognize that he’s taking a risk and will technically be responsible for my debt.

 

Post # 10
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Her comments shouldn’t have caused you to second guess your marriage. If you know without a doubt that something is a load of crap, then it wouldn’t cross your mind to believe it.

At the same time, I think talking with friends or on the internet about relationships in excess leads to over-analyzing and inventing problems where they are none.

As for your friendship, I wouldn’t be good friends with someone who tore down SO or our relationship.

Post # 12
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Pixie26:  I agree with you. Its none of her flipping buisness! I have friends and family (my estranged father) contantly commenting on my FI’s financial situation so I feel for you.  None of them have a clue how we manage our money but LOVE to tell us that were doing it wrong. Also my FI is from a wealthy family and people assume we have this endless pot of money to dip into whenever we want and they have zero idea how things are set up.

Post # 13
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Yes, because the majority of us in this world don’t have to pay for our own school and set up student loans. Sheesh. FI and I owe a damn mortgage together in loans. We’re going to be well into our 30s before we can even think about buying a house *sigh*

Tell her to stuff it and it’s none of her damn business, and if she’s so concerned about your money maybe she ought to give you some. T_______T Rude.

Post # 16
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Pixie26:  LOL, that’s kind of how you have to look for it. It irritates the poop out of me that the money we’re paying FI’s mom (she lent him the money and he’s paying her back interest free which is excellent cuz he’s a dope and went to private college all 4 years ><

I hate living in our apartment. Hate. BUT I’m also currently finishing my OWN BA (a bit late out of the gate there, lol; traveled first..heh!) and so money is so very tight for us.

Ironically it’s not my friends that give us crap for it, it’s FI’s mom. “Why haven’t you bought a house yet?” Hmm, I don’t know, because you call him and chase him down every month if the bank transfer is late? And because we’re basically paying you a second rent every month that could go to a house? /eyeroll. You just have to take that crap with a grain of salt.

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